Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, see, there's Fred Kelly, he plays Bunny.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, it's Nathan Wind, see? It's Cochese!

Butt-head

Cochese is cool.

Beavis

Yeah, Cochese kicks ass!

Beavis

That's "the Rookie", see? See Cochese back there?

Butt-head

Uh-huh.

Beavis

See, the Rookie, he's got a really short fuse.

Butt-head

Oh yeah.

Beavis

It's like, he's pretty good, but it's like, he's got a bad temper, and so like, Cochese has to calm him down sometimes.

Butt-head

Cool.

Beavis

Whoa, what's that noise?

Butt-head

It's Satan, dumbass. [imitates warbled tape]

Beavis

Yeah, heh, that's cool.

Tonight the city is full of morgues...

Butt-head

Tonight, the city's full of whores?

Beavis

I wish our city was full of whores. That'd be pretty cool.

Butt-head

Uh...yeah, I guess that would be pretty cool.

Butt-head

Check it out Beavis, his shirt says "Kick me".

Beavis

Maybe someone will kick him in the nads.

Butt-head

That would be cool.

Beavis

Yeah, kick him.

Beavis

Who is this fartknocker, anyway?

Butt-head

He's like, one of those dudes from the gifted class.

Beavis

Those guys always, like, write words like this.

Butt-head

Yeah, really. "The sails climb high in the garbage pail sky." That's stupid.

Beavis

How come people in the gifted class are always stupid?

Butt-head

Uhh...hmm. I dunno.

Butt-head

Whoa! Is this the Black Crowes?

Beavis

Yeah!

Butt-head

Wait a minute, this isn't Black Crowes. This is cool.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! These guys are cool!

Butt-head

Hey Beavis, who are these guys?

Beavis

Uhhhhh, ummmm, I think they just went on tour with Anthrax and White Zombie.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. They're cool.

Tales from the hard side!

Butt-head

Tales from the hard side? Is that like, stories about stiffies?

Beavis

Yeah, it's like, once upon a time, I had a stiffy, and I lived happily ever after, and that's my tale from the hard side. Thank you, I'm Beavis. Good night.

Butt-head

If I had a story for every stiffy I ever had, I'd have uh...several stories.

Beavis

Yeah yeah, me too.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, it's like, these guys jump around and stuff like they're rapping, but this isn't rap music! It's metal!

Butt-head

So what, Beavis? You just don't have any like, uh...imagination.

Beavis

Um...I know. I don't want any either. Imagination sucks! It hurts when I use my imagination.

Butt-head

Okay.

Butt-head

Whoa! That dude can scream for a long time.

Beavis

No way, that's nothing! Check this out. [Beavis screams without stopping for the remainder of the video]

Butt-head

Shut up!

Butt-head

These guys are cool cause they're like, pissed off.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like they're cool cause they're like, pissed off.

Butt-head

Damnit Beavis, how come you always have to repeat what I say? Why do you do that?

Beavis

Yeah, heh, why do you do that?

Butt-head

Beavis, if you repeat what I say one more time I'm gonna kick your ass.

Beavis

I'm gonna kick your ass.

Butt-head

See, you did it again, Beavis.

Beavis

You did it again, heh, Beavis.

Butt-head

Uh...this is boring.

Beavis

Yeah, really! It's boring enough to watch this, and then they're bored doing it; maybe next time, they'll learn to rock!

Butt-head

What a bunch of wussies. It's like they're all hanging out by the diving board, but like, everyone's too chicken to jump off.

Beavis

If they could like take those guitars and those amps, and just like, push them off the diving board and into the water, and you know, watch them all get electrocuted or something, that would rule!

Beavis

You know, um, I dove off the high dive once. Remember? That was cool.

Butt-head

Uh, you didn't dive, Beavis, you fell off. You were trying to run back to the ladder and you slipped.

Beavis

No, no way!

Butt-head

You were flailing around in the water. And then that dude with the hairy chest came and saved you.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! At least I fell off it! I didn't even see you climb up!

Butt-head

Yeah I did! After they took you off in the ambulance, I was like, doing a bunch of swan dives. It was cool! And then I scored.

Beavis

Whoa, really? You're cool, Butt-head!

Butt-head

Yeah. It was cool!