And when the world sees this tape on the Goraldo show, everyone will finally know that I'M NOT CRAZY! [chuckles] I'm not a... you know, a nut roll. I'm not a... kooky cuckoo-cuckoo coco!
[to Otis, about Mrs. Beady] Nice going, dum-dum. 'Cause of you, we're all gonna have to move to the Yukon!
I can't move to the Yukon! I'll be devoured by grizzly bears!
Eh, the wolverines'll probably get you first.
Good point.
Oh. Still, I hate moving.
GGoraldo
There it is, viewers. Barn animals walking upright and talking trash.
The rooster and the ferret are best friends, Goraldo, the girl cow's kinda fresh if you ask me, and don't get me started on the wisecracking mouse.
GGoraldo
By my lush and corpulent mustache, this is astounding!
[stuck in a split in the exercise tape] NATHAN! GET THE JAWS OF LIFE!
[After Otis switched out the tape showing the animals with Mrs. Beady's exercise tape.]
GGoraldo
[stammering] There were talking animals on that tape, I swear.
That's what they do, Goraldo. They spin their little webs and make you look like the crazy one.
GGoraldo
[hysterical] Ladies and gentlemen, you have to believe me!
Well, it appears that Goraldo's lack of talent has finally bitten him in the face like a poisonous snake of failure.
GGoraldo
Th-the cow is their leader! There's a wisecracking mouse! The ferret and the rooster live together!
CCameraman
[at the door with two asylum officers] He's over there.
GGoraldo
[the asylum officers take him away] I'm not insane! The talking animals are here! THEY'RE HERE!
Well, there you have it, folks. A mustache, a dancy-pants lady, and a broken dream. This has been Hard Time with Gil O'Whatever-I-Said-Before. Good night, wishing you hugs and chocolate.
Shing-ding-bloopy!
[telling a scary story] And some say, when the moon is full, or really close to full... You know, like those times when you go, "Hey, look, it's a full moon," and somebody else goes, "No, man, it's not totally full. See the edge?" And you're like, whatever, dude, I can see the whole moon!
Pip, please.
Oh, right. When the moon is pretty much full, you can still hear the shrieks of her helpless victims.
[The other animals, except Otis, react in fear to Pip's story.]
And that's why I hate veterinarians.
Pip, would you stop scaring them? I mean, you've never even been to the veterinarian.
Hey, I've never been hit by a meteor either, but I know it hurts.
Well, uh, enjoy your check-ups, folks, uh, I'll be in Guatemala.
Right behind you.
This veterinarian madwoman will KILL US ALL!!!
Guess I'm first. Check it out guys, won't even break a sweat.
There goes one brave cow.
Oh, aren't you a big sweetie Okay honey, I'm just going to do a little looky-loo, yeah, that's all. [snaps glove suggestively] Mm-hm.
Moo? [wails in pain as animals watch on in horror]
I... I've only got a week to live?
Oh, my goodness, Otis. I am so sorry.
But... That's impossible. I feel fine. Although, you know, I've been getting a little tired around bedtime lately, and I seem to lose my appetite after heavy meals, and dry grass has really lost its flavor-- OH, MILK ME, IT'S TRUE! I'M DYING! [runs away sobbing]
Boy, dying really seems to bum him out.
How will we survive without Otis?!
Don't worry, Freddy. When the sad day comes, I'll take over as the leader.
[Beat.]
HOW WILL WE SURVIVE WITHOUT OTIS?! [sobs]
I'm home, Nora. Please be normal.
I don't understand. And I've done everything I've always dreamed of. Swum with dolphins, grown a goatee, brought peace to the Baltic nations, married an ice cream cone, I directed a reality show, I was a sad clown in a French circus. Why do I still feel empty inside?
[On the railroad track near Otis, the pizza twins ride in on a handcar.]
PTPizza Twin #1
Oh, yeah, bro!
[Otis gasps and drops on all fours as the twins stop their handcar.]
PTPizza Twin #1
Dude, we forgot to go to work today.
PTPizza Twin #2
Dude, we got fired a week ago!
PTPizza Twin #1
Aaa... awesome!
PTPizza Twins
Doodly-doodly-doo-doo! [resume riding the handcar]
PTPizza Twin #2
So totally! We're pumpin'! We're pumpin'!
[gets back on his feet] How could have I been so blind? Life's not about the stupid stuff you do. It's about the stupid stuff you do with your friends. I'm comin' guys! I'm comin'!
[The pizza twins come back on their handcar, riding away from a speeding train as they scream.]
BBessie
[sighs] I'm glad you're not dead.
And we aren't leaving your side until you get better pal.
[Someone honks a car horn]
Dr. Glove is back!
[The animals scatter]
Hey, sweetie, how's my big sweetie, okay? I'm just going to do a little check poo. [snaps glove suggestively]
Moo? [begins screaming hysterically off camera]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Back at the Barnyard pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.