Bessy quotes from Back at the Barnyard

Bessy

[to Otis, about Mrs. Beady] Nice going, dum-dum. 'Cause of you, we're all gonna have to move to the Yukon!

Freddy

I can't move to the Yukon! I'll be devoured by grizzly bears!

Pip

Eh, the wolverines'll probably get you first.

Otis

Good point.

Freddy

Oh. Still, I hate moving.

Snotty Boy

Ooh, got a little problem. I have you now, stupid moose. Your majestic antlers will look so sweet and toasty on my clubhouse wall. [a giant wooden moose appears behind Snotty Boy when he isn't looking]

Bessy

[who is revealed to be inside the wooden moose] I don't think so! [Snotty Boy looks behind as the wooden moose stops him from terrorizing Otis and Pip] Step away from my moose friends before I smack you upside the head! [Abby giggles]

Snotty Boy

A giant devil moose? Don't eat me!

Bessy

Don't worry. I wouldn't dream of eating you-- raw!

Bessy

This is my baby's cowbell! Do you know what this means?

Otis

I think I do, and it feels... no.

Bessy

Otis! [hugs him] I'm your mother!

Otis

[screams]

Bessy

You stop right there, young man!

Otis

No, I will not "stop right there," Mom! You have done nothing but embarrass me since the moment you found out I'm your son!

Bessy

Watch the tone, mister!

Otis

YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!! I hate you! [gasps, whimpers, then runs off crying]

Pig

I know pronounce you man and--

Otis

STOP THE WEDDING!!!

Otis

Listen to me. I've always kept my cowbell wrapped in a newspaper from the day I was separated from my mom, but it's dated an entire year after Bessy's kid floated away. I can't be Bessy's son.

Freddy

This can't be true!

Otis

I'm sorry, Bessy. I know you want your son back, but it's not me.

Bessy

Phew! What a relief!

Otis

Huh. Not what you'd usually say when your heart is breaking into a million pieces.

Bessy

I didn't know what was worse, having you for a son, or being married to a rat.

Otis

Pigster, snack-tify us!

Pig

You got it! Who wants tater tinys? [a floating spatula smacks him all over his body] Ow, ooh, ow, ouch! You know, you could just say "no".

Otis

What? What are you talking about?

Otis

Um, that can easily be explained.

Otis

That is somewhat less explainable.

Otis

And that defies all known logic and reason. Welp, I'm off to Tibet. Good luck with everything!

Abby

Otis, I'm scared!

Freddy

[climbs on Otis] Me too!

Bessy

This has all the earmarks of a haunting. Otis, did anything weird happen while you were building your fun shack?

Otis

Weird? No. No, it was really easy, actually, after I removed this big, flat rock. [holds up said rock]

Bessy

"Here Lies Winky". Otis, this is a tombstone!

Freddy

[terrified] A tombstone?! Otis, you woke up a g-g-g-g-g-- [Peck slaps him on the back] apparition!

Pig

Oh, that means ghost!

Otis

Guys, guys, relax! There is no such things as ghosts.

Bessy

You were saying?

Otis

I'm guessing we have a ghost here. But I'm sure he is way more afraid of us than we are of him. [the tombstone hits him again]

Otis

[during the séance] Ghostly chanting, ghostly chanting, chanting ghostly, chanting, chanting, chanting, show yourself!

Bessy

Where'd you get that ridiculous mumbo jumbo?

Otis

Right here in the Big Book of Ridiculous Mumbo Jumbo.

Freddy

We heard you're looking for Otis.

Krebs

Hey, you know Otis?

Peck

Otis is there, if you want him, you'd better go through us.

Krebs

Hey, look, i don't want any...

Freddy

Stupid duck says what?

Krebs

What?

Peck

Stupid duck says what?

Krebs

What?

Peck

You're in for it now, beak-face. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because we were the barnyard's champion taunters six years running.

Krebs

Look, look, guys, i just want to talk to Otis, you see, I recently-

Freddy

We know you are, but what are we?

Peck

Nice.

Krebs

I'm warning you, cut it out.

Peck

Hey, Fred, are you-?

Freddy

Run away! [he and Peck try to run away from the fight cloud, but Krebs yanks them in, beating them up; poking out] Mommy!

Pip

Holy beat-down.

Duke

He can't do that to our friends. Come on fellas. [charges toward Krebs with Pig and Pip at his side]

Otis

No, don't! He'll tear you into pieces while enumerating the parts of your body in an insulting fashion!

Two-hundred and thirty minutes later...

Bessy

[laughing] Oh, mercy! Come for the stupidity, stay for the butt-whupping.

Krebs

[angry] I want Otis!

Otis

I can't just stand here... To the well! AAHHH, WELL! [jumps in the well]

Abby

Otis, how could you?!

Bessy

Yeah, you really broke the needle on the moron meter this time!

Pip

You lost the saloon!

Pig

Guys, come on, please. There's no need to turn into an angry mob. Let's just line up one at a time and pummel Otis in an orderly fashion.

Ach du Lieber! You broke Santa!

Now he can't finish delivering the presents, and we still got this county to go!

Otis

Okay, okay, calm down. We can work this out. Uh, maybe Santa can make it up to the county with some nice Presidents' Day gifts, huh?

Don't you know anything about Christmas?

Ja! If Santa's not finishing his rounds by midnight, the law of Christmas magic'll be kerfuftenzeiger! That means "broken"!

And if the law of Christmas is kerfuftenzeiger--

Broken.

Santa gonna lose his holiday powers permanently!

Und zat means no more Christmas, forever!

Otis

What?! You mean, I--

YOU KILLED CHRISTMAS!

Bessy

Nice going, sugar plum moron.

Bessy

How'd you like me to put that flying saucer where the sun don't shine?!

You and what army?!

Bessy

My five-fingered army!

Why don't you say that to the enda?! The end of my tentacle!

Bessy

Ooh, I'm frightened. Frightened that your ugly is contagious!

Strong words from a back-planet-dwelling, oxygen-breathing, dual-chromosome descendant of anaerobic microbes!