Come on, we don't have all night.
Yeah right, like you've got plans.
Good bye, Mr. Archer.
Hey. Fuck you, you douche bag.
S2 E12White Nights
So Barry, looks like the whole "find out who my father is" thing isn't happening, and so now I just want to get outta here, so I'm thinking that we probably should split up.
[nervous] No, no, no! No please! A--Archer, your boots are slipping, man!
Probably because there's 200 pounds of asshole hanging off them.
183, fat boy!
Whatever, tell that to my silk socks.
Why are you wearing silk socks?
...Is that a joke?
Archer, let--let me climb up you! No! Please! Archer, Don't!
Barry. Barry, buddy, this is happening.
Archer, no!
So, try to aim for that dumpster.
[falls from Archer's lower half, taking his shoes and socks with him] Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhaaa!!!
Bye, Barry. Dead center. Good work, Barry. [angry] Oh, for...why don't you just go to my house and take all my clothes?!
S2 E13Double Trouble
[sounding like Cyril] Hello...
What in the name of prepaid venereal disease do you think your doing?
I... uh...
KKatya
Darling, I know she is old, but you allow such talk from your secretary?
And don't you want to freshen up after your long ride?
Phrasing, Mother!
Almost as cool as my van.
This deuce aint gonna drop itself!
You realise I can never unhear that? ... Why are you crying?
Because I got ripped in a bar last night and I was trying to beat my record for cramming pool balls in my mouth when some a-hole slaps me on the back and...
No! You swallowed a pool ball?
I wish just one. And I've still got two to go, so if you don't mind. [Closes door]
Pam, wait! I had something... what was it? ... Uh, something about stripes and solids.
If I tell you all at once, your head might explode... Along with comb over.
It's ok, it was just cancer sex.
So you! [Smack] Can you hack into the KGB servers?
BBilbo
pfft... Does one ring rule them all?
For God's sake woman, are you hearing yourself? He's your son, not a...
Ray, she got him to quit drinking...
[Lifts guns] So what's the plan?
Wait, does Canada even have a spy agency?
KKatya
Yes, but...
Wha-- why? Haha, it's Canada.
So, Comrade Bionic Barry, can you solve my Kasnova problem?
Yeah, probably. If I knew and/or cared what that was. But since I don't and/or do not, I'm going to kill and/or murder Sterling Archer.
I swear, if any one saw me in this awful van.
How could they with this illegal ass window tint. Dude, this van is like, rolling probable cause.
So all ashore from the S.S. Date Rape.
Toot toot.
Is anybody hit? Not really the explosive climax I thought it was gonna be.
Is nobody gonna touch that? Seriously?
Yeah, it is the first thing they'd do. It's like, counter-intelligence 101.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.