Carlito wants his hand back.
S3Remooned
Cash our check and you will get...immortal.
Neverending life.
CCarl
...Nah. Sometimes I kinda wanna die.
(Master Shake & the Mooninites at a convenience store)
What do you mean no? Do you know how much this check is for? 'Cause I do not!
CClerk
Uhh, we don't cash checks here.
And we don't respond to threats. Let me say it one more time in a language I like to call English. Or maybe I should say it in Mexicano: Get back there-o and cash-o de check-o, amigo. Andale! Andale!
He's not responding, cup. Lay into him more.
(from ouside) Lay into him some more!
I've got this Err.
CClerk
Uhh, that thing is your check?
Yeah, that is the check.
CClerk
Well, we don't cash 'em.
Oh you never seen a check before? Oh, me so sorry. Maybe you're in the wrong business, and maybe immigration would like to know about this.
CClerk
Good, 'cause you know what? I'm American.
Well, I'm not, but when I become one, maybe then I'll legally buy a weapon and we won't have to vote you out of office, won't we scumbag?!
(Cut to Master Shake & the Mooninites outside of the store)
Unbelievable!
Unfathomable.
Y'know, they sneak in and then they try to rule us. (Looks into the store) Well, I'm gonna sneak into your country and do this job there and then not cash any of your friggin' checks! How will you like that?! You won't, because you'll be here!
What happened? Did he buy it?
I bought me some gum.
Where did you get gum?
Where did you get gum?
In there. In the gum aisle.
Perfect.
That's not what we sent you in there for!
But that's what I come out with.
Tell me, were there weenie-wraps?
Microwaveable, but weenie-wraps none the less.
Weenie-wraps intrigue me.
Yup, and they had burger-drops.
Burger-drops! (jumps through the window and starts shooting lasers).
And burrito-cakes.
I thought they stopped making those.
And pizza-balls
Pizza-balls?!
Do they have lil' turkey-muffins?
No, Shake. The other kind, the bad kind. The kidney-losing kind. In fact, this is not a check at all, Shake. This is a bill, for home care!
Impossible. That's not a bill.
This is... Cliff, does anyone know a Cliff?
Yes, my name is Cliff, and that's not a bill. Tell him, Err.
That's a bill.
A bi— Why are we trying to cash a bill, Err?
I don't know. It's your uncle.
It is my uncle. Don't you forget it.
On the way down, I kept saying, 'This is a bill.' Just figured you knew something I didn't.
I did know something I didn't! But it wasn't that.
Wait a minute. I've been hauling a radioactive bill all over town, for you guys?
This weenie wrap is still frozen!
Your microwave sucks.
HEY, YOUR MICROWAVE SUCKS!
[Microwave actively flickering] It's getting hot in here.
WHY IS IT GETTING SO HOT IN HERE??!
S3Gee Whiz
What are standards and practices?
Well, that's an interesting question Meatwad. Here, let's take a look at this video.
GLGeorge Lowe
Standards and practices are a vital link in keeping good and funny ideas away from you, the television viewer. Watch how this nun reacts when we blow her brains out.
George points a shotgun at a smiling nun's head and pulls the trigger. Her head explodes and blood starts pouring out.
TWTV Warning
No! Permission not granted!
GLGeorge Lowe
Oh no, somebody's going to get an e-mail. What's a better, more acceptable solution.
The same scene is then re-enacted, yet this time a rainbow pours out instead of a blood.
GLGeorge Lowe
That's right a happy & colorful rainbow. Although not nearly as funny, it's guaranteed not to offend the black people.
TWTV Warning
No! Unacceptable!
GLGoerge Lowe
Ooo, did I say black? I meant to say minorities?
TWTV Warning
Acceptable!
GLGeorge Lowe
Looks like someone's about to get an "A". By following the rules, you're guaranteed to make a mediocre product that no one can relate to.
So you see Meatwad, THAT's why I can't say the J word.
I don't understand any of this sh*t! [Red Check mark appears]
That's ok Meatwad, no one else will either.
Hey. Hey. Hey, hey. Do a search ... for free pizza. Then see if it come out this drive. [looks in empty cup] Is this a drive?
I'm reading my news, if you don't mind.
News is good food for your mind, but I want food for my mouth.
[brief silence]
[muttering] You better hear what I'm sayin', I'll unplug this whole computer...
So, what was we talkin 'bout here?
Well people say they're seeing the face of, the J-man, and they're claiming to be healed.
Uh-huh. Who's the J-man?
Ya know...starts with a J, son of...G. Died and went to H...on the C?
Died on the C...Commode. Commode! Elvis! It's Elvis!
No, but he was a king. And he did live in a Graceland of sorts. [Frylock sighs as Meatwad continues to not get it] He looks like Ted Nugent.
Oh yeah, I know that ol' boy! It's Je-
Don't say it! Let's just call him...Gee Whiz.
Dear Gee Whiz, please bless thine presence with a 16-inch thick crust meat craver's special, with the mild sauce. Amen. And please bring a side of wings while we wait.
Meatwad, what the hell are you doing?!
Shut up! He's making pizza!
Oh, Boy I apologize. My hormones are goin' nuts. Now please, if you would, get the fuck out of my way. I mean, how many times do I have to fucking write ice cream on this fucking list before someone gets their shit in gear, and brings home the fucking ice cream! Maybe I should get a steak knife AND ETCH INTO YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FOREHEAD! HOW HARD CAN IT FUCKING BE!!!!! ICE MOTHERFUCKING CREAM!!!!! I GUESS THAT'S THE PRICE I PAY FOR LIVING WITH TWO FUCKING MORONS!!!!!
What happened to courtesy? Did it just disappear?
I just can't believe it.
WHO WOULD MAKE LOVE TO THAT??! How do you make love to...do you have a book...how do you do it, I'm asking.
I stole this ultrasound program off the internet.
Well that's stealing.
I said I stole it.
Would you get me the Lord of the Rings?
I already have that. It's on my hard drive. Ok, Meatwad, now-
[interrupting] How 'bout watchin' it?
TNTed Nugent
Hey how you guys doin'? Anybody without a gun, a knife, a handkerchief and a chapstick get the fuck outta here!
Who are you?
Gee Whiz?
CCarl
That is FREAKIN TED NUGENT! [shot with an arrow] Ahh! you shot my arm!
TNTed Nugent
Sorry man, thought you were a varmin.
Wango ze tango eh?
TNTed Nugent
Yes it is my image you saw in that billboard
I kept tellin' him, Ted Nugent. He's stupid
Frylock': What are you doing here?
TNTed Nugent
Which of you numbnuts left a dollar in front of my billboard?
CCarl
Hey Nug, you gonna sign my arrow?
TNTed Nugent
Don't move man.
CCarl
I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth I still wear on laundry night.
TNTed Nugent
I'm tellin' ya, don't move!
CCarl
Why, what's the- AAAAAHHH!! [Carl explodes; rainbow appears]
Well I'm sure glad that wasn't blood. I would have been motherfuckin' offended out of my fuckin' ass.
Me too, ya motherfuckin' cock-suck.
TVTV Voice
[green check mark appears] Acceptable!
S3eDork
Why don't you just go to the hose, drink you some water? Like the dog you are.
I'm not turning on some analog faucet to drink some barbaric water. The mouth is a primitive hole that will soon be phased out; you better start takin' some pictures of those!
Could you phase it out now? Cuz it's pissin' me off.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.