CCarl
Oh, great.... you've seen me...
Hey, you wanna contribute to Sir Loin's hunger drive? We're gonna feed the shorties, y'all.
CCarl
Yeah, lemme see here, I think I've got some... uhhh.... oysters over here. (Horks into the bag of food)
CCarl
Be sure to thank Sir Loin for keeping me up all night!
Yeah, I'll do that. Hey, I thought that... oysters had shells.
CCarl
Oh, usually, but not these. They were, uh... farm raised.... in my throat.... with cheese. Hey, you want some crabs, 'cause I've got some of them.
No, no... my bag's pretty full right now.
CCarl
I don't know if they're Alaskan King, but.... they feel huge
[Carl accidentally shot himself in the foot. Shake is still watching TV]
CCarl
I didn't think it was loaded, I was just sorta checkin' the barrel there, and...
Yeah, and the gun went off in your hand. I know, I was there, I heard. Why do you think I cranked up the volume? You know, hearing does not come back. It degrades over time.
[Frylock is dragging Carl, who accidentally shot his foot, to the hospital in the Danger Cart]
CCarl
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Carl, calm down! We'll be there in a couple of hours, okay?
CCarl
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
You can stay with us Carl…as long as you have those pills.
[Carl lays down on the lawn next to an ant hill]
You found it. That’s the guest bedroom. And, hey, you know, if you need to go to the bathroom, you know, just do it.
[Ants begin to cover Carl as he lies on the ground]
CCarl
Don’t mess with him, okay? He’s had a long day.
You need anything else? There’s some ants.
[Feces is raining down on Carl & Master Shake from their "oil rig"]
Yeah! We're rich! Black gold, Texas tea!
CCarl
Oh man. Is it supposed to stink like this?
Yeah, that's why it's called "crude" Carl.
CCarl
[angrily] No it's not, we hit my septic tank, you jackass!
Oh. So you're storing extra oil in your septic tank. I'm on to you.
CCarl
You're wearin my dinner!
Oh gross! You eat corn? I hate cor-(Carl tackles him)
Okay, here's the deal, we're playing team trivia tonight and we need someone who knows sports.
CCarl
Hey, here's a trivia question: Why would I wanna do that?
[at the bar]
CCarl
Yeah, the chicks. Where are they, Fry-man?
Oh, they're in the back... moistening their T-shirts for the... Jello wrestling.
CCarl
He-heyy, now you're speakin' my language. He he, I knew you wasn't gay.
Is that why you're not sitting with the rest of the team, Carl?
CCarl
What, are you kiddin'? No, I'm not doin' that.
NHNed Hastings
Ladies and gentlemen, turn around and face your trivia doom: Wayne "The Brain" McClane.
You're going down tonight, Wayne. Carl, we need to name our team. Something tough.
CCarl
I turned it in, Fryman. We're good.
NHNed Hastings
And our other...competing squad: the One-Eyed Wonder Weasels and...Their Two Balls.
CCarl
Two balls! [laughing]
NHNed Hastings
Very, very clever guys...nice.
CCarl
You get where I'm goin with that Fryman? You understand the uh, thing...the joke there?
CCarl
So uh, when are we doin' the sports part here?
We're not. We didn't. It's over. We lost. DID YOUR ASS GET ENOUGH WINGS?!
CCarl
(points to a pile of bones as tall, if not taller, as the booth itself) Uh, you tell me. Does this look like I got enough?!
Hey Carl, can I... give me your celery?
CCarl
No, I need it for fiber. (the music stops) I HAVE PROBLEMS!
Shake': (while half asleep)Uh, L...e...s...b...i...a...n...
L..e..s..b..i.. Shut up, you're spelling lesbian!
CCarl
(while eating wings) Ha-ha...he said lesbian!
We also made you a care package for your little adventure.
CCarl
Oh boy, fiber tablets. Yum yum.
Yeah, dip them in the stool softener. I mean it's, it's delicious.
[long pause.]
There's espresso there, too, if you-
[Thanks to Master Shake, Carl has a dead black man's body]
This is not a time for you to be picky, Carl. That's all you can get when you go to the West End.
CCarl
[arms start beating up Carl] Get it off, rip it off. What am I doing, oh God!
Oh no! The body's rejecting the head!
CCarl
Oh, ya think?! Get it off me!
Of course it worked not at all. Which is what I was trying to say, before I was so rudely interrupted.
Take this body back, and not through town!
[Carl's head is mounted on a remote controlled truck and it keeps ramming into Frylock's computer desk.]
CCarl
Turn it left, turn it left! I keep hittin' the same spot. Look, you're gonna break my friggin' nose!
Sorry Carl, I still haven't gotten used to the...
CCarl
Just give me the damn thing!
This switch makes it go left and right, and this switch is power.
CCarl
Which lever sort of turns me to the lawyer, [ ] and makes me sue the hell out of you?!
All right, easy Carl. Don't make me have to shut the power off.
CCarl
[terrified] D-d-d-don't do that. Just sorta put it on my chin. I'll frickin' steer it with my tongue. [his tongue is made out of glass and pushes the controller off]
That may not work. Let's just get Meatwad to drive ya home. Meatwad!
[Meatwad enters with the robot body that Frylock made earlier holding Shake in his vice grip]
Get him off me, please!!!
I didn't mean it! Everything I say about you, I mean about myself!
Shut up, boy, I make it worse!
[Outside, Meatwad throws Shake up into the air]
No-no-no-no I need to live!!!
MSMeatwad's Body
Target locked in.
[Meatwad's missiles explode on Shake]
Got him! Fudge you, butthole!
Carl, did you lose somethin' behind the couch?
CCarl
Yeah, I did! I lost peace and quiet! What do you need?! What do you want?! Can I not just live here without having to occasionally deal with you animals?!
Well, yeah, it's your house.
CCarl
That's right it is.
And look what I just added to it!
CCarl
(Frylock opens Carl's door to reveal his "Super-Toilet" out in the front yard) Oh, nice. A crapper!
CCarl
(translated via computer) Oh man, I swear to fucking God Fry-man. I'm so fucking pissed right now. Oh, and by the way I hope you enjoy eating your own shit, because I'm about to rip your motherfucking throat out, and shove it so far up your ass, that you'll have to fart to fucking breathe, fucker.
Is that an F?... He's droppin' F-bombs over here!
You wanna see how to scare the neighbor? Check this out.
[Shake rings the doorbell and runs away.]
[thrown at Carl] Hey Carl.
CCarl
[knocked to the floor] Aaaah! Get him off, get him off, get him off...
Aqua Teen Hunger Force · 785 quotes
