[Mummy is yelling in the basement]
Shake? [Yelling Continues] Shake! Turn those damn monster movies down-- [Notices nobody in the living room] Shake?
[Master Shake and Meatwad enter living room]
Who's watching my TV? Because I...
MMeatwad
I bought the damn TV!
Will you two shut up and listen? [Yelling Continues] It sounds like it's coming from the floor.
[beats the floor with a broomstick] Will you SHUT UP?! You hear me?! It's three o'clock in the morning and I need to sleep! [Frylock knocks him out with chloroform]
MMeatwad
Hey, can I have some of that?
Just go to sleep and we'll deal with it in the morning.
MMeatwad
Yeah sure, I'll just go to sleep and tomorrow morning I'm gonna call me a social worker. [Frylock prepares a dose of chloroform] And tell him I'm in unfit living conditions and the city will be over here so fast tha-- oh. [Knocked out by chloroform]
Do you know what time it is, huh? It's 2:30 in the afternoon, and people are trying to sleep. [Notices the mummy] Whose mummy?
I found it in the crawlspace.
So you were the one doing all the moaning when I was trying to sleep, huh?
[Mummy giggles]
Shake, you don't wanna piss him off. He has the power to curse you.
MMeatwad
Do it, Shake. Piss him off.
I'll do what I want, when I want, and how I want, and no mummy— you hear me, Band-Aid...
No mummy is gonna tell me what to do.
MMummy
Curse! Curse!! CURSE!!!
Cause I'm done listening to you. I got a curse for you. It's called, "tomorrow morning, your ass is outta here." I'm going back to bed!
I heard it already! I know! It's a friggin' curse!
MMeatwad
Shoot, I'm so dumb as hell I'll never get hired in today's fast-paced world. I'm just gonna go inside and wait for my body to die.
[Narrating] Aw, c'mon Meatwad, you can't be that dumb.
[Pan to Meatwad inside Carl's bedroom]
MMeatwad
What, is this not my room?
[Carl throws Meatwad out the window]
Well, damn. Maybe Meatwad is that dumb.
MMeatwad
One look at Niels Bohr's atomic model makes it abundantly clear that there is a way to pass through solid matter. So in summation, we can have our daily tea-party in the fifth dimension.
Knock-knock. Well, I hope I'm--OH MY GOD!
[Meatwad is about 10-15 times his usual size]
MMeatwad
Frylock, what a pleasant surprise. I'm just finishing up my symposium. You've met my colleagues, Professor Vanessa and Dr. Dewey.
Yeah, what happened to your body, man?!
MMeatwad
Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Thermal expansion.
No, it's not thermal expansion. I know what thermal expansion is.
MMeatwad
Okay, fine, I'm sure that you do. Let's see.. how can I explain this without blowing your mind.
Oh yes, please. Dumb it down for me.
MMeatwad
Heisenburg's Uncertainty Principle tells us that at a specific curvature of space, knowledge can be transferred into energy--
Heisenburg's Uncertainty--!
MMeatwad
...and this is key now...matter.
MMeatwad
Well, some people struggle with Heisenburg. [pulls out a yo-yo] Look, here's a toy. It goes up and down on a string. Doesn't that look like fun?
[knocks yo-yo away] Get that out of my face!
MMeatwad
Why don't you take that into the other room while the adults are doing important research here.
Oh, I'm sorry Professor! I didn't realize knowledge could also transform you into an arrogant ass!
[Carl's car crashes on his roof]
Ohh, do not tell me that that is my car up there on the roof!
Wait, wait no don't! [car crashes to the ground] DAMMIT!
Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes. Now, I've read the arguments on both sides, and I haven't found any evidence yet to support the need to brush your teeth. Ever.
MMeatwad
I don't know how you'd know; you ain't got no teeth.
Well, I got rid of my teeth at a young age, because...I'm straight. Teeth are for gay people. That's why fairies come and get 'em.
MMeatwad
If teeth make me gay then sign me up, 'cause I wish I had 'em.
Computer, search for teeth and plaque conspiracy (pause), and Metallica.
MMeatwad
And Justin Timberlake. [Shake ignores him] Do a search for Justin Timberlake. [Shake continues to ignore him] ... J-U-S--
Please hush up. The search needs complete silence to work.
MMeatwad
Oh shoot, I forgot. I'm sorry.
Well, I'm sorry, but if you can't learn that little lesson, then someone's going to get their little mouth stabbed shut with skewers! And then we'll see how easily the axe slices through the meat!
[Meatwad's eyes get big, then he starts bawling.]
All right, okay. Maybe that was a little huge. Listen, I would never hit you with an axe...
[Meatwad's sobs subside as he pauses for a second and looks up at Master Shake]
...when you had skewers stabbed through your mouth.
[Meatwad immediately resumes crying.]
I would think one or the other would be enough.
MMeatwad
I'm tired of livin' in this tree, now. How long 'til we gonna go home?
MMeatwad
TWO MORE WEEKS?!
Shut up and eat your squirrel meat!
[Pop-up ads begin to appear as the Www.yzzerdd cackles in the background]
What? I got wireless. Wha---?!? [An ad hits Shake]
Aqua Teen Hunger Force · 785 quotes
