Meatwad quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Master Shake

Leave it to me.

Master Shake

And clearly ladies and gentleman my little wooden friend is torched. And yet, where did he go? Voila! (Dummy appears in lion's mouth) Thank You! Thank you very much! And the gorilla says "You mean the one that fucked' ya up the ass?" and the lion says...

Why? Did it already make the papers?

Master Shake

That's exactly what he said, you son of a bitch! Thank you! We got a million of 'em.

Master Shake

This is huge for me! You know I'm the star, right?

Frylock

Oh, yeah, man, we're real proud of you Shake-

Master Shake

You know what, Frylock? I've found my niche and I've just grooved right into it. (Dummy steals a wing) Hey! Watch the wing sauce on the tux. Jose Feliciano wants us to open for him. That's big!

I wish them dummies was real flesh and blood boys.

Master Shake

No!

Yeah-uh. I do.

Also [puts his hat on] I joined the Marines.

Frylock

You did what?

I joined the Marines.

Master Shake

Frylock! We found you! I miss your beautiful face!

How was Canada?

Frylock

Canada? Uh, Canada sucks.

Well, so does the Marines.

Well, pack your things, maggot. We goin' to the Middle East.

Master Shake

Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this!

Shake, NO!

Master Shake

[His head having been poorly reassembled] Unbelievable! They took me like this!

Master Shake

Uh, Hello! What are you doing over there without me?

Frylock

I'm updating my MySpace page.

Master Shake

Well, I'm about to update your My FACE page with my ASS unless you get in there and read us a story!

I don't want to hear a story, I wanna watch a story.

Master Shake

No, no, the TV is tired of you looking at it!

How do you know? You don't know the TV.

Master Shake

I do! I'm very good friends with the TV. That's how we get all the good shows.

What are you doing, Frylock?

Frylock

I told you once already.

Master Shake

Look. I'm about to whip it out. And I'm gonna urinate all over this room and you will WISH that I did not ingest all that asparagus.

Frylock

All right, go ahead. Whip it out.

Master Shake

He wants to come out and punish you.

Go on. Show him.

Master Shake

Oh, I will. In private. Because there's not enough room in here.

Why don't you ask that TV if he'd mind showing me some Futurama? I like me some Futurama.

Master Shake

Well, now we're too damn cheap to receive it, so go the hell over to Carl Central and watch it to your heart's content.

Carl gets Futurama?

Master Shake

He didn't even want it until we started watching it.

Frylock

Will y'all SHUT UP?! Meatwad, will you pick up this fake vomit? I'm havin' my new friends over for drinks, and they don't need to be seein' that, okay!

Well, only some of it is fake.

Master Shake

Oh, yeah? I'm having friends over too and believe me when I tell you my friends will hurt your friends! They're gonna call them names and beat the ever-loving-sweet crap out of them!

That one's fake... [Meatwad proceeds to roll down the vomit-encrusted hallway, pointing out which is fake vomit and which is real vomit]

Master Shake

Seems like there's a lot more real than fake down here...

Frylock

Will you shut the fuck up and vacuum the hall!

Master Shake

...okay...

Frylock

Are you grounded?

Yep.

Frylock

Okay, good. Now touch the red wire to the green wire.

Okay, but what, what about Shake? [In the window, Bert is going after Shake with an axe]

Frylock

What about him?

Heh, that's what I said, yo. Ba-ba-boom!

Well I was told that they was going to get a trampoline. You know, maybe I was just projecting my desires onto them.

Master Shake

I jump on a tramp every night. That's how I roll. The juice just keeps on flowing. Who is writing this down? This is gold.

Master Shake

Means depth for flips and twist. It means this pools poorly contructied. At Bast!

I wanna trampoline.

Master Shake

Ya heard him?! The boy's want your trampoline!

And I want a SpongeBob bounce house, and a donalds hiccups with real llamas. Not the stuffed llamas you win at the ring toss at the fair, but--but I want a fair too. Have them have a fair.

Master Shake

So you're gonna hop to it? Or will I have to beat you down in front of the child?

Master Shake

(as the worker bites him) AAAAHH! What are you, a Vampire?! (Continues screaming) Why didn't I get that tetanus shot?!

I put a spell on them hoes ya'll! I'm hell on them hoes yo.

What hoes?

Just...hoes in general. You know...fly honeys...that I would hit...with my genitals.

What did you do to my pool?!

Frylock

We cleaned it. Now it's gonna be ready for the bitches we got comin over this summer.

Frylock!

Frylock

Sorry, I meant to say hoes.

There we go.

Frylock

Sorry.

Frylock

Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too. (Frylock explodes the same way)

Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...

Master Shake

What are you trying to say? (Meatwad explodes as well) AH! Well, just for the record- (Proudly) I did her, TWICE! All over my jock! (Shake awaits to explode, however he shows to have lied and rejected by her as he doesn't explode) I cannot believe I haven't exploded yet.

[looking at a large crate] What in the hell is—

Master Shake

[smashes Meatwad] Mine is what it is! You don't touch it or look at it…but if you would be so kind as to plug it in, please?

Okey-dokey, Smoky.

Master Shake

Are you getting smart with me?

No.

Master Shake

You better watch your mouth or that mouth will come off!

Okey-dokey, Smoke- um, artichoke-y.

Master Shake

Now, that's better, 'cause vegetables are the core of the universe.

Shake

You can fart if you want to! You can fart out of your behind! (farts) You can fart real cool and make your butts rule with the gas that's inside of you! You can fart (farts), you can fart (farts), everybody look at your butt! Fa-a-art!

It's a safety fart! Well, it's a safety fart!

Shake

Thank you very much.