Master Shake quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Frylock

Lord, thank you for this food we are about to receive...

Shake

[Interrupting the prayer, whispering] Excuse me, little help? Could I have the tacos please?

Frylock

ahem This bounty of tacos...

Shake

[Interrupts again] Could you pass the tacos? Could you pass me the tacos? [louder] Could you pass me the TACOS?!

Frylock

HERE!

Shake

Okay, then.

This roll is wet!

Shake

Sorry, please go on.

Frylock

Ahem. For the fellowship we have w--

Hey, hey. Wait. What's a fellowship?

Shake

It's a gay bar down on 9th. Aren't you glad we're thanking the Lord for a nautically themed gay bar?!

Frylock

For the fellowship we have with our neighbor, Carl!

No, no! Do not rope me into this! The Lord does not need to know that I am here!

Turkatron

Do you know who Goblox is?! I will tell you who Goblox is. In the year 9595, a race of deformed turkey was genetically developed by chicken scientists as revenge against his bird brother. These turkeys would exit the womb doused in gravy; gravy filled with the giblets from a monkey. The French craved it and, as a result, turkey became the only food source for France, which is now called RoboFrance 29. I was later killed by the chickens! So, of course, you can see why I'm angry at those chickens.

Frylock

Uh-huh. You know, you sound very familiar.

Turkatron

Of course I do. Months and months ago, I had came upon your neighbor taking the form of the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future. But I didn't realize he was an agent: a chicken in disguise. Sent from the year 19... sent from the year 19...

Frylock

9595?

Turkatron

From there. They had evolved, big time! From beyond feathers, their beaks had softened and they acquired synthetic intelligence and appendages from the chicken black market from beyond the Moon!

Shake

Are you serious?! Carl, Nextdoor Carl, is a hyper-evolved chicken from the future?!

Turkatron

(to Meatwad) ...What? You are?

Shake

He is. He ain't right!

Turkatron

I knew that. And that's why I was sent here to erase his mind... and my mind as well. I had to be reformulated by rogue chicken scientists for the rebellion. They crafted my sleek, turkey body which allowed for safe passage through the time rift. So, in summation: the bird comes with me... dead or alive.

Shake

Is that the same guy?

Frylock

Yeah, I think so. He's crazy.

Shake

I think he's really from the year 9595.

I think so too!

Shake

Did you hear his story?

I heard it, and it checks out.

Shake

It is solid.

Frylock

Yeah, Shake, in the future they all carry their belongings in a plastic bag.

Shake

That is a future bag. I say that with all confidence.

Shake

(angry when his TV is destroyed) Whoa! Hey!

Turkatron

(drunk) Is that a time— the time rift! Is that a time rift over there?

Frylock

No, that's a curtain.

Turkatron

Move. (gets behind the curtain)

Frylock

Hey. Are you all right?

Turkatron

Get out of the time rift. You have no idea where this will send you.

Frylock

Maybe you should lie down or something.

Turkatron

Yeah, you wanna lie down cause I hit you in the face? [Turkatron passes out]

Master Shake

The house smells awful.

Frylock

Well, why? Why does it smell that way?!

Master Shake

(hurt) Did we have to go to that tone...already? You start off so nice.

Frylock

Look, alright? I'm sorry, okay, just explain. Please. Why?

Master Shake

Well, this is what I did, see: you know how the flies have been a problem?

Frylock

...no, I don't.

Master Shake

And remember when I left all the meat out because I saw Mr. David Lynch I'm-On-TV do it and he got on TV from doing it and I did it and I didn't get on TV from doing it?

Frylock

No, I don't remember that.

Master Shake

Well, I did, and because of this, of course, you get rats.

Frylock

Ughhh. So why does the house smell?

Master Shake

I'm not doooone! Look, when we go in there...you need to watch where you step.

Frylock

And why is that?!

DAMN!

Master Shake

...that is part of the reason. Now let's go in and remember what I said.

Master Shake

Its opened up now. I got rid of that stupid fire place so now the room has a flow. You feel it?

Frylock

We never had a fire place!

Master Shake

We never used it.

Frylock

WE NEVER HAD ONE!

Master Shake

Well I never liked it...

Master Shake

I'm gonna edit this.

Frylock

Well you just have fun watchin' it by yourself because we're done being roommates and we're done being friends!

Master Shake

Look, I had to do that. You'll understand one day when you're older!

Frylock

I'll send a crew for my stuff later. See ya.

Master Shake

Now I can declare that space as a loss...on the taxes I'll pay in August. Are you listenin' to me?! August is when I do it!

Master Shake

All right, now throw that chicken right down the middle. Okay, it's gonna go right outta the park, baby!

Where are you? Where's the strike zone?

Master Shake

Over here, follow my voice!

I can't see! I got some sort of chicken infection in my eye.

Master Shake

All right, fine. Go down the hallway and wash it out.

No, sir. I ain't never goin' down that hallway never again.

Master Shake

Then you pitch that chicken!

Master Shake

Meatwad, it's for you. Someone who thinks he's your friend.

(with severely swollen eyes) Bring him over to the light.

Frylock

Ooh, Meatwad. How are you doing?

Oh, Frylock! Hey! I'm very...can I tell you the truth?

Master Shake

Meatwad!

I'm very good!

Master Shake

If you're that good, then maybe you should be putting some more foam on our fire. I'm not an Eskimo over here, y'know.

Frylock

Well, your face looks all...puffy.

No, no, I'm just tired! I-I fell down some stairs.

Frylock

We don't have any stairs, Meatwad.

Master Shake

If he said he fell down some stairs, he fell down some stairs! People get clumsy sometimes! Is there a problem here?!

Frylock

He's sick, Shake, and so are you.

Master Shake

Well, he's supposed to be next door, harvesting the crops, picking our dinner. See, we're farming now, we're farmers! It's an honest life.

We ain't got no more hollow leaves over there, we ate that whole bush yesterday! That's why the bathroom hurts so bad!

Master Shake

Well, what else did you plant over there?!

I ain't planted nothin'.

Master Shake

That's why you fall down the stairs all the time.

Master Shake

(eating spring rolls) This has gone well. Tell you what- mmm, hold on- I will allow visitation hours, for you and us, provided- mmm- you bring lots of these little fried burritos.

Frylock

Well...no. I'll see y'all later.

Master Shake

Wait, wait, wait, h-hang on: anddddd you pay us a stipend.

Frylock

Fuck you, Shake. See ya.

Master Shake

Nononono, wait, wait, wait, hang on, hang on now. Come on, I'm-I'm being serious now. Seriously: a memorial plaque will be carved and bejeweled in my honor.

He left. Again.

Master Shake

(defensively) Those are the terms!

Frylock

Hello?

Master Shake

(eyes severely swollen) Aren't you coming back?

Frylock

[Angry] Hell no! (hangs up)

Man. This is some good TV right here. [wakes up Shake who is sleeping on the chair] Hey hey hey.

Master Shake

[yawning] What?

You missin' some good TV.

Master Shake

Change it.

I ain't changin this. This is the best.

Master Shake

[pulls out a flaming arrow] Change it.

To what? Come on, this is good.

Master Shake

Why don't we let the arrow decide.

Aw don't do that- [Shake fires the flaming arrow at the TV] AW COME ON!

Master Shake

And now it's changed. The changeling.

Frylock

[from bedroom] What was that?! What's going on?

Master Shake

What do you think it was?!

It was you boy.

Master Shake

[goes to an empty closet] What the- Hey! This closet was full of TVs last time I checked and now there's none.

'Cause you keep breakin' 'em.

Master Shake

'Cause you keep pissing me off so bad! You should be lucky I direct my anger at the media, and not your buttocks!

Yeah, Frylock, please. Make us a TV. I mean look at me. How else am I gonna face the day? I ain't got no job, my wife left me, bills pilin' up, I got child support payments, and I have no idea if what I said's true. But I believe it.

Master Shake

He is right.

We needs to dull our senses.

Whoa damn. Did you just see that?!

Master Shake

No, we didn't see it. Everything's fine. Now just SHUT UP and go control it.

Damn! Did you just see that?!

Master Shake

I'm not in the business of seeing whatever pleases you. [chases after TV] Get back here you son of a...

Well I'm in business. [to himself] The business of kicking your ass. And let me tell you, business is booming. I'm open for business. Business of giving you the business...up your butt... [looks up and sees Shake looking at him] Did you hear me say that?

Master Shake

You looking to expand your business?

[starts running] Business is closed! Business is closed!

Master Shake

Alright! 's what's called taking command of the situation! Meatwad... you turn it on.

I ain't going near that TV, boy! I think that thing's alive!

Master Shake

[sternly] Go over there, get close to it, and touch it to turn it on.

What'll you give me?

Master Shake

Six months to a year. And brother, you are dead!

Look at that thing! You on the TV.

Master Shake

Well, uh... you know, I've been on TV a lot. See, this... oh, yeah, sure, this is my sitcom with a-

I'm in your house.

Master Shake

...with a science-fiction horror twist. It's called...uh...

What's it called?

Master Shake

I don't know, shut up. I'm-I'm trying to hear my lines.

Master Shake

...the hell is this?

Well, you said this is your sitcom? With the sci-fi horror twist? That's never been done before.

Master Shake

Yeah, I know, I just don't remember filming this episode. I can tell my instincts are strong in this scene though, and I got a lot of motivation.