[After "The Studio Shrink Song"]
Stop zat! Stop! Do you know why you're here?
No one really knows why, Doc, although Schopenhauer put forth an interesting theory-
[standing next to Miss Interpreting] No, this is Miss Interpreting.
[standing next to Miss Understanding] This is Miss Understanding.
[laying on a pillow] And I'm Miss-terious.
[playing with a golden bust of Sigmund Freud] Wow, a giant Pez dispenser! Want one?
Stop playing with my bust!
[Awkward pause]
[blows the audience a kiss] Goodnight, everybody!
Be quiet, please! I have something to tell you!
Get right to the scary part.
The part with my pet. [opens the tiny white box. Dot's pet appears as giant crab with eyeball replacing its head]
[startled] Eagh! Ya, yeah your pet, okay. Good pet. Heh heh heh. Now, listen. The studio is getting a big fancy party for some new investors, with movie stars und everything, und, uh, you have been invited.
Please! There's also some bad news.
Bea Arthur is putting out a swimsuit calendar?
She is? Of course, not. No. The bad news is you can only go if I train you to be polite, clean, well-dressed children on your best behavior.
[wearing a party hat and holding a pony by the reins in front of balloons] I thought you said it was a party!
Und now my little, uh, friends, we shall begin training you for the party. Oh, Miss Nurse! Will you please come in here?
[Hello Nurse opens the door, walking in provocatively]
YWYakko and Wakko
[panting] Hello, Nurse!
Miss Nurse here, is going to assist me in your lessons on etiquette. We'll start with ze receiving line. [the Warner Siblings all form a line behind Hello Nurse and do a conga dance] No, no, zat's a conga line!
Ooh, nice to know you're up on your dance steps, doc.
Grragh! Hurgh! Hrrr! RRRRR!
Now, in a receiving line, if I introduced her to you, what would be ze proper greeting?
YWYakko and Wakko
Hello, Nurse!
No, no, a proper greeting like zis. [bows and shake hands] "How do you do?" Now, you try.
[bows and shake hands] How do you do...that thing with your mouth? [lands in Hello Nurse's arms, then kisses her] Take me away, but be gentle. I'm fragile. [fractures into many tiny pieces]
[as Dot puts Yakko back together] No, no, it is impolite to be that personal. [to Wakko] Wakko?
No, I want you to greet ze lady.
[literally zooms around to Hello Nurse at lightning speed, with a lightning bolt trailing behind him, kissing her] Hello, Nurse!
No, no, no, "How do you do?".
Oh, fine, thanks. [shakes Dr. Scratchensniff's hand]
Rgh! [to Dot] Dot, would you care to give it a try? But, I'd like you to make a little curtzy.
Thanks, but I did before I left home.
No, a curtzy, make a little curtzy!
YWYakko and Wakko
[laughing] Make a little curtzy, a curtzy! [do a curtzy] A little curtzy! [do a curtzy, they laugh more]
Stop it! Stop zat! I am not here to amuse you!
Then, please, stop being so funny!
[Wakko laughs]
[facepalms] Now, Dot, please give it a try.
How do you do? [does a curtzy, then midway, collapses onto the floor] Tee-hee, curtsy laugh.
Ooh! [double facepalms on the couch] Nngnhuh! Let's move on.
YWYakko and Wakko
And lift!
[pushing a fridge with a lift] Comin' through!
Uh, where do you want the couch, Mac?
Now, we will work on our diction. How do we avoid bad elocution?
Stay inside during a thunder storm.
[Wakko does a rim shot]
No, no, elocution, diction, pronunciation! We will work on our vowel sounds! Let's pronounce zis! A-e-i-o-u.
[trying to pronounce the as one word] "Aeiou"...
No, no. I want ze letters, the letters!
[dressed as mail men, throwing actual letters out of mail bags] Scratchansniff, Scratchansniff, Scratchansniff.
Hey! Doctor Otto Scratchansniff! You may have won 10 million dollars!
Are you married? [kisses Dr. Scratchansniff 6 times. The lip imprints stay]
With a temper like that, it's no wonder.
Stop! Haltenzie! For-ge-No! In your seats! [the lip imprints disappear] If you want to go to the party, you must stop with the gags!
[The Warner Siblings all wear physical restraints. Wakko has a lock, and Yakko and Dot have blindfolds over their mouths]
[in unison with Dot, taking the blindfolds off] Oh, alright.
[The Warner Siblings all jump off a high diving board into a small tub of water]
[The Warner Siblings splash him and the screen]
[nervously] Please, tell our honored new investors this party is our way of saying welcome, and, heh heh heh, [in a Western accent] you're A-O.K., partner. Ha ha ha ha.
TMiss Tanaka
[to Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Yoko so, soshite anat wa A-O.K., partner. ("Welcome, And you're A-O.K., partner.")
[still nervous] Heh heh heh.
Ahem. Dr. Scratchensniff is arriving with The Warner Brothers.
[praying] Please, let those kids behave. I want my money. I want my money.
Uh... [points to Dr. Scratchensniff and the Warner Siblings]
Mr. Chairman, may I present, the Warner Brothers!
Addendum-the Warner Sister.
TMiss Tanaka
[in a Japanese accent] Gokigen ikaga desuka? ("How are you?")
[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Tokyo wa totemo omoshiroi tokuro desu ne. ("Tokyo is an extremely interesting place, isn't it?")
[to Yakko, in a Japanese accent] Zehi irashite kudesai. ("Please, go there.")
[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Mada iki basho ga areba ne. ("If there's still a place to go, eh?")
[He and the Japanese investors laugh. Thaddeus Plotz laughs. The Japanese investors look at him. Thaddeus Plotz sighs weakly]
[The Warners walk into the party. They see Spike Lee, Annette Bening, and Warren Beatty sitting at a table]
SLSpike Lee
[to a baby on Warren Beatty's back] How about a smile, please baby, please baby baby baby please?
[They see Bea Arthur sitting at a fancy party with Danny DeVito, who is dressed as The Penguin, eating a large bucket of fish]
BABea Arthur
I'm putting out a swimsuit calendar.
DDDanny DeVito
[gags] Not while I'm eating!
Good work, Scratchansniff. I'm amazed! Heh, you did it! The Warners behaved. [turns around, serious] Now, get them out of here.
[shocked] What? But they did their part of the bargain.
I want them out. I don't have that check yet, and they're not going to mess it up. Get 'em out!
[sighs sadly, walks up to the Warners] Vell, kids, that's enough for one night, eh?
[leading them back to the water tower] Don't want you to get over-tired. It's getting late. So, it's off to bed with you. Now, now, come along. Let's go nighty-night.
Uh. I'm sorry, but ze chairman of the board said you had to leave.
Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. Now, go on now. Go-Go on now. [leaves]
No dinner with Mel Gibson?
No dancing with Michelle Pfeiffer?
No chit-chat with Don Knotts?
[as he, Wakko, and Dot climb up the ladder] Well, I know when we're not wanted. I know when we should just go home. [climbing back down] Now is not one of those times.
[The Warners sneak back into the party, wearing their signature outfits]
Miss Tanaka: [to Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Yoi pati de sune? To itemasu. ("I'm saying, 'Good Party, isn't it?'")
[Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor both glare at Thaddeus Plotz]
[After The Warner Siblings have scared off the Xenomorph ]
[delightfully sees the Warners in a Japanese accent] Asoko ni Warner Brothers ga iru. ("There is The Warner Brothers there.")
[spits the drink in shock] The Warners?! Where's Scratchensniff?!
[talking to Michael Keaton, who is dressed as Batman] I don't want to drive ze Batmobile. I just want to sit in it.
[grabs Scratchy] I told you to send those kids home!
Well, they're back! You'd better help me catch them! They'll ruin everything!
JPJack Palance
Hey, Slappy, did you ever see this? [does a one-armed pushup like he did at the Oscars]
Save it for the Jack LaLanne story, bubele! [to Luke Perry ] Y'know, you remind me of a very mature Jonny Quest.
[Michelle Pfieffer who is dressed as Catwoman is drinking milk from a saucer. She is licking her left arm]
YWYakko and Wakko
[popping up out of the saucer] Hello Kitty!
MPMichelle Pfieffer
Who are you?
YWYakko and Wakko
[jumping out of the saucer] We're The Warner Brothers.
MPMichelle Pfieffer
Like the studio?
Not much, but we don't have a choice.
Did you know there's a Thing in your milk?
[The Thing hops out of the saucer. The Thing walks away]
[offscreen] There they are, Scratchansniff!
[Wakko runs off]
Save a spot for me on your dance card. [runs off]
[Thaddeus Plotz and Dr. Scratchansniff chase after Yakko and Wakko]
[Thaddeus Plotz has captured the Warners]
Ruin my studio, will you?! You-You-You whatever you ares!
TMiss Tanaka
[tapping on his shoulder] Mr. Kato would like to know who is responsible for all of this.
It was them! I had nothing to do with it. They're responsible!
TMiss Tanaka
[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Warner Brothers no sekinin desu. ("This is the responsibility of The Warner Brothers.")
KOMr. Kato and other Japanese investor
[to Yakko, in Japanese accents in unison] Great party! Great party! Great party! Great party! Ha ha ha ha!
Great party? Oh, oh, oh, yes. Uh, Great party![laughs. The Japanese investors glare at him; sighs weakly]
[to Yakko] We love The Warner Brothers! [giving The Warner Siblings the 1 billion dollar check] And here you go.
TMiss Tanaka
Mr. Kato presents the check for 1 billion dollars.
[to Yakko] You are A-O.K., partner!
MMadonna
[walks up to Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor] C'mon, you guys. We're going to play Truth or Dare. [takes them away arm and arm]
[Thaddeus Plotz's turns red, steaming up]
[to Dr. Scratchansniff] Well, Doc, there's a lesson to be learned in all of this.
I have no idea, but apparently it's worth a billion dollars.
[last lines; in anger] That's my check! Give me that! [starts chasing after The Warner Siblings, speeding] Give me that! That's mine! Come back here with my money! That's my check!
[Dr. Scratchansniff turns to the audience and gives the "Crazy" gesture before fading to black, ending this episode]
[after hanging up on the Warners] Oh my. What have I done? Where's my aspirin? [opens his cabinet drawer]
[Yakko, Wakko and Dot appear out of the drawer]
[Yakko, Wakko and Dot kiss Mr. Plotz, and start cleaning and organizing his office]
I thought you needed us to be your secretaries.
Never! [Wakko swallows Plotz's WB shield-shaped paperweight] And give me back my paperweight!
Okay, but you'll have to wait a while.
[blows a kiss, to the audience] Goodnight, everybody!
I want you to take a letter.
Where do you want me to take it?
No, no. I mean I want you to write a letter.
Okay. [takes out a notepad and a pencil] Dear Santa, I have been ever so good this year. I would like a new mallet and a shiny brass anvil.
No! No! No! No! Write a letter for me! For me!
Well, I don't know what you want for Christmas.
[The Warners freeze]
When will this insanity end?!
When one of us answers the phone, silly.
[The Warners resume running]
S1 E7Piano Rag/When Rita Met Runt
What's a human good for, anyway?
["Humans Ain't What They Seem to Be" plays]
They pet you when they're sad.
They smack you when you're bad.
When you're hungry they definitely feed you.
Yeah, on vacation they leave you with hardly no food.
Ring a bell, dude? Exactly my point.
Humans Ain't What They Seem to Be.
They don't mean that much to me.
No, not much at all.
When you're little and tiny they pet your cute hiney,
But then when you grow it's a simple no-show.
It's "shoo shoo off this" and "don't you dare scratch on that".
If they call you at all it's always "dumb cat".
Humans Ain't What They Seem to Be.
They don't mean that much to me.
No, not much at all.
But when it's all dark and quiet I try hard to fight it.
But I dream of home then I won't have to roam.
Someone to feed me and put me to bed and scratch me just so on top of my head.
But I ain't gonna love 'em. Not gonna answer that call 'cause
Humans don't mean that much to me.
No, not much at all.
