TV show quotes
[singing offscreen] Daniel Boone was very, very sore. Yes, painfully sore. He picked a log and charged Slappy Squirrel's front door.
[Boone attempts to ram Slappy's door open, but she opens the door and trips him up, sending him into a spinning wheel which launches him and the log back out]
Who was that, Aunt Slappy?
Maybe a flying Wallenda, I'm not sure. My eyes are bad.
[dazed after hitting a tree] Daniel Boone was a great big guy... [thud]
[Boone has come up with yet another idea to cut down Slappy's tree by crudely disguising himself as a woodpecker]
[singing offscreen] Daniel Boone was a big dang bird. Yes, a really big bird. But he didn't know that his disguise was pretty absurd.
QUIET, you dadgum idiots! This is a dang good disguise. [laughs] That old squirrel will think I'm just a big woodpecker. I'll chop down this tree right in front of her. [using a fake beak to peck at the tree]
[Slappy is serving Skippy when she and the tree get shaken by Boone's pecking]
There's no rest for the elderly. [ppens door] Hey, are you Daniel Boone?
Shoot, no! I'm a big woodpecker.
Get out of here with that woodpecker thing there. You're Boone.
No, I ain't. My daddy was a big woodpecker, and his daddy before him. Can't you see how I'm a-peckin' at your tree for bugs and such? [looks innocent]
I guess you really are a big woodpecker.
Dang straight!
Then, here, I made you some woodpecker lunch. [offers Boone a plate full of live bugs, including a dungbeetle]
[nervously disgusted] That's...right neighbourly of you, ma'am. [forced to keep up his charade, eats the bugs, his face turning green as his chews]
Yeah, there's nothing like dead bugs mixed with manure, dirt, and rotten bark, eh, Woody?
[Boone finally retches, covers his mouth and runs off into the distance]
[singing offscreen] Daniel Boone was a great big guy. Yes, a big sick guy. He lost his lunch all over the trees and sky.
That's nice singing. They remind me of Up with People.
[Boone is seen putting gunpowder underneath Slappy's home tree in an attempt to blow up both her and the tree]
[singing offscreen] Daniel Boone was a great big jerk. Yes, a stupid jerk. He had another dumb plan that more than likely wouldn't work.
[offended] That ties it! You boys are fired! COME ON DOWN FROM THERE AND GIT!
[A rope ladder drops down from the top of the screen. The Dover Boys - Tom, Dick, and Larry - climb down the rope ladder, revealing themselves to Boone]
Hey, what's the big idea? You can't just fire us!
Yeah, who do you think you are?
Hey, we got rights, you know.
Wait a second!
We got a contract!
Our agent said...
Yeah, my agent said the same thing. Come on, this is ridiculous.
Yeah, what's going on here?
I said, "GIT"! I'm going to blow this here tree and that old squirrel sky high, and I don't need no dang smart-alec chorus! [the Dover Boys leave, climbing up a wooden ladder out of the tunnel as he pours a trail of gunpowder leading from the barrels to just outside the hole. Then he lights a match] If I can't have that tree, then nobody's going to have it! [lights the match and hides in his wagon. He laughs] Now, there's gonna be a big hole in the ground. I could make it into a root cellar, or a... [brightens] root cellar.
[The trail burns up and there's a large explosion...under the wagon]
Hey, Boone! I moved all your gunpowder! It was attracting ants!
[screams as he's blown into space] Shoot, dang. OH! [comes crashing back down to Earth]
Yeesh. Bet that left a crater.
[Last lines; at the end, Slappy and Skippy are drinking tea by the fireplace]
What do you want to do tonight, Aunt Slappy?
How about a little music, Skippy? [to the Dover Boys] Hit it, boys.
[singing] Slappy Squirrel was a grand old dame. Yes, a grand old dame. She whipped Daniel Boone, now she pays us to sing of her fame.
What can I say? I love the lyrics.
Hey, you wanna hear a joke?
No! I don't like ze jokes, Wakko!
Not even a knock-knock joke?
NO!
[Wakko and Dr. Scratchansniff sit quietly for a moment]
It's really funny.
Oh, alright, fine. One joke.
Knock-knock!
Who's there?
Max!
Max, who?
Wakko: Max wants to come in and go crazy!
[looks at the audience, confused, then back at Wakko] Well. Okay, now that's not really a joke, is it? You see, because it makes no sense.
It does if you know Max.
But I don't KNOW Max!
If you did, you'd be laughin'!
[singing]
I'm cute, yes, it's true.
I really can't help it, but what can I do?
When you're cute, it just shows
With these two darling eyes and this cute little nose.
And a pretty pink dress that's adorable, yes,
And when they see my dimples then everyone says.
Aw, shoot! Isn't she cute?!
Cute, cute, oh, isn't she cute? Cute, cute!
I'm the one they adore.
I'm sweet and I'm cuddly and small just like Dudley but more! It's a chore!
To be constantly cute and enchanting to boot.
With my lips sticking out in a cute little pout,
Then there just is no doubt why the guys like to shout.
She's a beaut!
Let's face it, I'm cute!
Cute, cute, oh, baby, she's cute! Cute, cute!
Being cute's a thing you can't hide.
If you look up the word in a book, there's my picture inside.
TV Guide has me on the cover.
[becoming bored] Don't you just love her?
I'm simply a goddess.
And isn't she modest?
I'm the answer to one of the questions in Trivial Pursuit for "Who's the most cute".
Cute, cute, oh, isn't she cute? Cute, cute.
I'm cute and I'm sweet and I'm innocent, neat, and so trusting.
If you want our opinion, this song is becoming disgusting.
Dot: I'm cute.
So what?
I never am vain.
She's becoming a pain in the-
But I'm also real nice. I'm a doll through and through.
So big whoop-de-doo.
I'm sweet and adoring.
And also real boring and that's why we're snoring at you. [make gookie faces, but notices the swing is empty]
[spoken; becomes increasingly mad] That's it! You've ruined my entire cute song! I am angry! I am furious! I AM ENRAGED! I HAVE HAD IT!!! [hyperventilating]
[realizes this] You're awfully cute when you're angry.
[calms down] You really think so?
A babba dabba babba doo wow!
She's cute!
[At the Water Tower]
[reading a book on her bed] I love reading cheap horror romance thriller novels. [begins to read]
[But the noise interrupts her reading. The noise came from Yakko and Wakko, who are playing Union Soldiers vs. Indians]
[dressed up as Indians] Fire! [shoots both arrows, and back to the Union soldiers, playing dead. They continue to laugh and play]
[annoyed] Quiet! [the brothers stopped while wearing hockey uniforms] Thanks. [goes back to reading, but is still interrupted by her brothers playing pirates and Muskateers; singing] All I want is quiet, no reason to deny it, I can't take that riot, quiet! QUIET! QUIET!!! Let me clarify it, the noise, I can't defy it, I simply will not buy it. Give me quiet! QUIET! QUIET!!! [opens the top latch of the water tower, and climbs out] Not to nullify it, I just won't stand by it. It's time now to bye-bye it. I want quiet! QUIET! QUIET! [Beethoven's Sixth Symphony plays, she goes to the file to relax, but is disturbed by a cow chewing the grass, the caterpillar eating a leaf, and a cricket chirping; turning red] I said quiet! QUIET! QUIET!!! This search I can't deny it to find some peace and quiet. I'll search both low and high, it must be quiet! QUIET! QUIET!!! [goes to Scotland to read, but gets interrupted by Angus McRory's bagpipes] QUIET! [goes to France, where she enters the Notre Dame Cathedral; sighs] Such peace. Such joy. [tries to read, but the sound of the bells caused her to rip the book in half] QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!! [goes to Italy, where she sits on the bench and tries to read the fixed book, but the Leaning Tower of Pisa falls over and crumbles to the ground. She goes to Africa, where the animals are roaming in the fields] I said quiet! Quiet! QUIET! [she sailed to the small island where she finds a place to read, but is interrupted by a volcano, which erupts by shooting her into the sky and splash in the ocean. Tranquil music plays. She, at last, climbs to the top of Mount Everest, looks around] Yoo-hoo! [echoes. There's no sound. At last, she can finally read; followed by silence] Hmm. Gee, it's so quiet. [shrugs, gets back to reading, but looks around some more] Too quiet. Terribly quiet. Awfully quiet. [screams loudly with an echo, but there is still no sound] I thought I wanted quiet, I thought I could apply it, but now that I have tried it. [nods] I'm sick and tired of quiet! [pulls out a radio, turns on a rock version of the theme song, and starts reading, getting used to the sound; iris out]
Egad, Brain, Amazin'! I get it! You shrink all the TV’s and everyone will get all squinty-eyed.
Brilliant, Pinky! Oh, wait, no, what if we want to use a plan that works?
Oh, well that’s different then, innit?
Come, Pinky! We must prepare for tomorrow night!
What are we going to do tomorrow night, Brain? A slumber party?
No, Pinky! The same thing we do every night. Try to take over the world!
Rita, wake up!
Are we in Chicago?
No, this is Nebraska, definitely Nebraska. Or Kansas. Definitely Ohio.
Ya blew it, Runt.
Rita, you need help?
No no, no, I'm happy as a pig come to supper.
Okay Rita, have fun. I gotta get the fly! [leaves]
Wait! I...can't...get down...
Yakko, it's time to take the inkblot-test. Now, tell me... [shows an inkblot] ...what does this remind you of?
Girls.
[shows another inkblot] What does this remind you of?
Girls.
[annoyed, shows him one more inkblot] What does this remind you of?
[analyzes the inkblot] Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, girls.
Grrr! You are obsessed with GIRLS!
Hey, you're the one showing me all the sexy pictures.
It's our sworn duty to chase 'em, catch 'em, and shake 'em like rag dolls!
Why?
I dunno. It's what we do.
Get some sleep, you need to be well rested for tomorrow.
Why, what're we doing tomorrow, Aunt Slappy?
Napping all day if I have anything to say about it.
["The Who" is playing on Stage] Skippy, what's the name of the Band, playing on Stage?
Who.
The name of the Band.
Who.
The Band, playing on Stage.
WHO!
THE BAND!
No Aunt Slappy, "The Band" performs later, "WHO" is on Stage!
You tell me.
Who.
The name of the Band.
Who.
The Band playing on Stage.
Who.
THAT's WHAT I WANNA KNOW!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Animaniacs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
