Citizens of this realm, I am the one and only heir to the throne of the Lumpy Space Kingdom. I mean, I used to be. I rebelled against my parents and now I'm a refugee.
[beat]
What's that? You wish to help me? I'm touched! Fetch me some clothes and I'll pay you handsomely, by petting you. First, I need freaky clothes! Cool freaky, not monster freaky. Oh, yes—and something to read as well, something mind blowing.
[the animals then leave]
Oh, wait! I also need servants! Recruit some locals, they won't mind.
[narrating] Kent proceeded to relate his fantastic journey to me. It was all super good. But he had also partaken of the food of the underworld, and so he was compelled to return there by dewdrop law. That's what he said, at least. Maybe he was having second thoughts about infinite riches, true love, and eternal life. Or maybe he had just decided that fighting bad guys wasn't really his deal. But I do know this—free from the Rat King's cursed teeth, that spring, for the first time in many years, the willow tree was in bloom.
[to Shelby and his little brother Kent] You can chop up a worm and get two? I thought that was a myth.
Myth is a powerful force in my life, dude. So, the thing is, I don't know beans about being a big brother. Can you give me some tips?
Ah, it's easy. You just give him something sharp and get him to fight bad guys.
Yeah, you might have to stretch all big if he gets in real trouble. But, yeah.
All right. Sounds good. [slithers off, Kent looks up to Jake]
KKent
Someday, you'll be Kent's food. [runs off laughing]
[in the Candy Kingdom police station, Finn and Jake are sitting on a bench, with their wrists locked in handcuffs]
Man, can I tell you something? I don't even know what's going on here. I mean, like, what the heck is a deed?! How come he can buy our house when it's our house and Marceline gave it to us and we live there?! A-and now we're arrested?! This is crazy! [to a passing Banana Guard] IT'S CRAZY!! [the Banana Guard walks away]
Man, don't you know? The laws ain't made to help earthy cats like us.
Nah, man. Listen. Here on our planet, back in the old days—back in the real old days—it was just every man for hisself, scrooblin' and scrat-scrobblin' for the good stuff, the greenest valleys, and scrat-scrobblin'. And the strongest, meanest men got the best stuff. They got the green valleys and were like, "The rest of you, y'all scrats get sand." And that's when they made the laws, you see. Once the strong guys got it how they liked it, they said, "This is fair now. This is the law." Once they were winning, they changed the rules up.
Whoa... just like Kim Kil Whan.
Maybe some soup would take the edge off.
[....]
Eww, gross!! NASTY!!! [runs off, back and thwacks it with fly swatter] Yahh!
[it bangs off the side, wiggles and dies soon after]
I'm sorry you were born a fly and I had to kill you. You disgusting, disgusting creature.
Well, not yet. Finn, in a second, you gotta stop yourself from waking up Jake.
Shoot! Hide! [Jake camouflages behind Finn, with another Finn and Prismo coming closer]
F2Finn 2
Hey, are we gonna turn around somewhere? I feel like we're lost.
P2Prismo 2
No, I was just stalling, don't think about it. Come on, this way! [they exit, and everything's clear]
[...]
But wait, Jake — that means one of your alternate reality incarnations will sleep for eternity to keep me alive.
Okay, but Finn, I'm not sure what'll happen if you confront yourself. He might explode.
Shut it, Prismo. Heroes risk everything for their friends. Although I admit you're more Jake's friend than mine. Sometimes you can think someone is totally cool but you never become besties. Now I don't know why that happens. But regardless, let's do this! [exits]
Whoa, Finn, Hey, are you gonna wake up Jake?
F2Finn 2
Yeah. Is that gonna kill you again, though?
My past self is doing Plan B, right?
F2Finn 2
WHAT THE?! AAAAAA'AAAAAAAAHHH!!! [The other Finn explodes, transforming into a sword in the process, Finn grabs the sword]
This is me? This sword is me?
Looks like our long-eared friend is on to something. Bunnies love to dig. He's making a supreme effort, and I think I can guess why. [the bunny digs up a carrot] That's right. A carrot, grown out here free and wild! Probably the result of a seed pooped out by a passing bird. [pan left to a rustling bush] But what's this? A mysterious rustling in the bush—could mean trouble. Mr. Bunny seems to think so. His sensitive whiskers quiver at the hint of imminent danger.
[the screen splits to show Beemo bringing Finn a bowl of popcorn. They sit on the couch and listen to Jake through the walkie-talkie]
Unfortunately for Mr. Bunny, this is what nature is all about. [a horned four-legged mammal emerges out of the bushes] It's a male deer. Not a threat to Mr. Bunny in the predatory sense, but still above him in the food chain. Mr. Bunny, wishing to avoid an encounter, hops away to safety.
[the deer then walks to the carrot and eats it]
Hey, man. You know I can hear everything you say, right?
What?! Ouhh... Garghh... No!! I had no idea!
Yeah, but you saw me leave the walkie-talkie and I left it on. You know that, right?
..So what's Mr. Bunny doing now?
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE BUNNY!! The bunny is incidental to the brick experiment.
[grumbles] Forget about the bunny...
Look, we'll, uh... we'll leave you alone. [pushes in walkie-talkie antenna]
[Jake looks down at his walkie-talkie for a beat]
Finn? Are you still there? Finn? BMO?
CChatsberry
I just think we should discuss this, Evergreen.
Discuss?! Are you listening, Chatsberry? When this comet hits, everybody dies. Not just everybody but us—but us.
BBalthus
Now, now... Hold on, Evergreen. Hath not a comet impacted our world every thousand years with no lasting grievousness?
Ahh... But this, Balthus, is no ordinary comet. Behold!
[he conjures a gigantic ice lens magnifying on the green, deathly comet]
See how it writhes? It aches for our extinction! It—
CChatsberry
But Evergreen, even if the comet is as dangerous as you say, what can we possibly do?
Like none seen before or ever after! A magical crown whose phantasmal circuitry will bond to its first bearer, and grant him his one deepest wish... To destroy the hideous comet which threatens our world! The good news is, I already built the crown. The bad news: it needs a power source—the enchanted ruby eyes of the ancient lava-dog Magwood! And that's where you come in.
CChatsberry
Wait, wait! Evergreen, please. Wish magic is really the real deal. This wish may see things in you you cannot see yourself. Can you truly say you know your heart's truest desire?
BBalthus
I'm with Chatsberry. If this comet hits, we four indeed may perish, but the elements we embody—fire, ice, candy and slime—will live on. But a misplaced wish could cause irreversible damage to the very structure of existence!
Well, that's just great. What about you, Slimy-D?
SDSlimy-D
[beat, raps] Yo-yo, my name's Slimy-D and I'm here to—
BBalthus
Slimy-D stands with us.
[gazing at the comet] Gettin' fat. Gettin' fat, right?
However, I would suggest that this is still a nice night. 'S quiet.
Hm, it is quiet. Why don't you put on some music? The chimes, Gunther.
[Gunther jumps into his bag and picks up a bottled jar; opens it and conjures an ice imp playing its drum. Gunther rocks back and forth with the beat]
Gunther!! I said chimes! Gunther, no! [throws dirt at him]
Unh! Sorry, Master, I'll put him back. [pokes imp with bottle]
Ah, never mind. Here. [kicks a glass jar to Gunther] Take the jar and find me some water. There's not enough moisture in the air for me to make us an ice camp.
Uh, Master? I'm sorry, I don't think I've seen any water at all today.
Just do it. Don't anger Daddy.
[leaves with Nina on lead] Wait... Are you my father?
No, but I stole your egg and mutated your brain. Get going!
Gunther?! Gunther, can you hear me?!
[Groggily] Yeah—yes, Master Evergreen!
Okay, good. Now, aiming at the sound of my voice, throw the crown so it lands right on the top of my head.
No, no, there's no time! It must be you, Gunther!
Don't worry, it's easy. Even a mush-head like you couldn't donk it up too bad. Just focus on your deepest truest wish, the destruction of the deadly comet, and the rest will take care of itself.
[Places the crown on his head] My deepest truest wish... [Darkness overtakes him] Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no!
Gunther? Buddy? What are you wishing for down there? [Gunther sprouts white hair, a long nose and blue skin and starts shooting ice powers... all just like his master, Evergreen. If that isn't bad influence, Glob knows what is.] Gunther... no... That's the wrong wish! You've got to snap out of it! Use a concentration spell or, or a basic focusing charm—like I taught you... I mean, like I meant to teach you... I—
Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no!
Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, noooooo! [Imitates explosion sounds - signaling the end of Evergreen's story - and falls off the bed and wakes up full, yawns]. Mornin'. Man, what a dream. Do you guys ever have the dino-boy dream with the astero-- what? What... what is it? [He sees the penguins shivering in the corner, afraid] Something in my teeth? Something in my hair? Something in my nose? Something in my ear?
SPSweet P and The Lich
Stop.
KOKing of Ooo and Toronto
Ahhh!
SPSweet P and The Lich
I have learned much from you. Thank you, my teachers. And now for your... education. [The green dots in Sweet P's eyes turn into big green flames, and his lower eyelids move upwards]
Before there was time... Before there was anything... [The green flames flare up, consuming the landscape and leaving a black void] There was nothing, and before there was nothing... [The black void goes away, revealing a writhing mass of ancient abominations] There were monsters.
Toronto Ah.. aaaaaAAAHH!
Here's YOUR Gold Star!! [The Lich hisses at them, deforming Sweet Pea's jaw and spewing his death smoke from it]
WAAAAAAAAH!!! [Everything fades to white]
SPSweet Pea
Mister King of Ooo?
MONSTER!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
