Hazelnut! Hazelnut! What if your name was Zelnut, and then I'll be like "Hey, Zelnut!"
That's terrible!
Hey, Zelnut!
NoooOOOOHH!! Stop!
S3 E14Beautopia
S3 E15No One Can Hear You
[poking] Jake! Jake!
Mmh... what..?
I heard a sound coming from the sewer! We should check it out!
No man, they'll surprise party me when they're ready. Be patient.
I'm being patient! I waited all day, Jake!
Well, I've been waiting six months!
("Six months... Six months... Six months... Six months...")
Wait... What're you saying?
Everything's gonna be fine... [yawn] even if we have to wait... FOREVER....
Have I been asleep for six months?!
Yeah, man...but it's fine.
(More roaches crawl around Jake from his inner ear.)
(thinking) Face it, Finn -- your best friend is gone.
...Finn?
(With that conclusion, Finn wheels himself toward the sewer!)
NOOOOOOOO! DON'T RUIN THE SURPRISE!!!
(Jake intercepts Finn, grabbing his wheelchair and jamming its wheel with his arm, bursting it apart as Jake smashes it. Finn tries to reach the sewer, but Jake sees him.)
NOOOOOO!
Oh, glob!!
(Finn hopelessly flails his arms as Jake carries him away from the sewer. The scene cuts to black.)
S3 E16Jake vs. Me-Mow
CCat
[latches on Jake's mouth] Quiet, or you die!
(gasp!) You're the assassin!
CCat
Me-Mow. Assassin, second class. But once I take out a princess... I g'aduate to full membership.
Well, I'm no princess, sister!
MMMe-Mow
Yes, I know. But since you've blown my cover, you will slay Wildberry Princess.
Whaat!? I'd rather be injected with poison!
MMMe-Mow
Oh. Uhh... okay.
Uhh.. I mean... I will assassinate Wildberry Princess!
MMMe-Mow
Good. Oh, and if you try to trick me, I'll poison you. [climbs into Jake's nose]
[squeaks] Mah nose!
MMMe-Mow
Blargh! It's like worn garbage up in here!
MMMe-Mow
You did it! Well done! I guess I'll be on my way.
BGBerry Guard 1
[running to Wildberry Princess with her crown] Princess! Oh, Princess!
BGBerry Guard 2
You're alive!
BGBerry Guard 1
We saw your crown next to a pile of dirty meat. [Me-Mow gets ticked off] Then we slipped on the meat! And I thought I tasted your juice, [sobbing] but it was just blood from the meat! WE'RE SO GLAD IT WASN'T ACTUALLY YOU!!!
MMMe-Mow
[snarls loudly] YOU LIAR!! [stabs nose wall with poison syringe]
[collapses] Ough!
Jake?
MMMe-Mow
Okay, Jake. I've injected you with half the poison, and you'll be dead in 30 minutes, unless you kill the princess, which is when I'll give you the antidote. [Jakes grabs hold on Finn's shirt on the floor]
Finn! Help me!
What's wrong?
MMMe-Mow
If you say anything, I'll stab you in the brain!
S3 E17Thank You
SGSnow Golem
You... the.. real good. Nice... home.
You know... maybe we could all learn a thing or two from those sandwiches.
S3 E18The New Frontier
Finn, when I die, my individual Earth consciousness is gonna go all over everywhere while Glob tallies my deeds.
..What?
I'm gonna be all around you. In your nose and your dreams and socks — I'll be part of your Earth mind! It's gonna be great!
Dude... Stop. Saying. All this. Crazy. Nonsense. It's making me messed up. I'm 13. You're messin' me up.
Wait. Just let him walk a few more steps.
Why?
Because that idiot's about to walk right into the sun and burn up, and we'll be done with him.
No man, he's walking into his house!
[cut to Banana Man walking to his house against the sun in the distance]
Oh, what!? He built his house on the sun!? This guy's insane!
Finn, did you eat your breakfast?
No. Why?
Because you forgot how the sun works. The sun is actually far away. It's not sitting right on the horizon.
[beat] Oh. Right on. Let's chase after him!
You gotta eat your breakfast, man, you need that protein. Helps your brain!
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Mom. Let's go!
S3 E19Holly Jolly Secrets Part I
"Hello, dear diary. Pretty good day so far. Got up bright and early, had a healthy and slimming breakfast, did fourteen minutes of cardio, and then I finally got around to..." [continues]
Dude... what are we watchin'?
I think it's the Ice King's diary.
"I mean, I'm not gonna win carpenter of the year or anything, but it's a place to hang up the old toothbrush." [a Gunther jumps on bed]
"Wenk." [walks to the camera]
"Gunther. Hey, Gunther. Get-get away from the camera, sweetie. Papa's recording his innermost thoughts. 'Member, I explained this to you? [Gunther rubs his belly] Hey, Gunther? [Gunther jumps up and down] GUNTHER!!"
"Wenk."
"Well, anyway, as you can see, I'm not wearing my—"
"Wenk."
"I'm not wearing my—"
"Wenk, wenk."
"Sweetie, I raised my voice because you were giving me the silent treatment. You understand?"
"Wenk."
"I love you."
Can we fast-forward?
N-No, man. We might miss something.
[sighs] "There must be more to life than this."
"Wenk."
"I know, you don't like when I'm contemplative. C-Contemplative? No. Con-tem-plat— C— Let's put on a play!"
What?! [cut footage to Ice King in PB makeup and Gunther with crown and beard]
"Oh, Ice King, you're so cool! You take such good care of yourself! I wanna be with you! [Gunter then pulls off beard] No, Gunther, beard stays on."
"Wenk."
"Gunther, I need you to wear the beard!"
"Wenk."
"Gunther!"
Hey, pause it, Beemo.
There's gotta be some evil secrets in here. I wanna keep watching.
Okay.. Well, why don't I make us some snacks? [sluggish] So I don't have to watch this...
BBMO
Can we sit on the floor? I feel so far away from you guys.
[thru Beemo video, crying] "Oh, diary, thank you for listening to me." [continues crying]
Fast-forward, Beemo.
[sped up] "Sorry, I've been meaning to tell you something insanely private. But darest I? I...love...to... [grunts] fill my bathtub full of milk and sit in it like I'm a magic angel! There, I said it. The white of the milk is so dense, and when I poke my little toes out from under the milk, they startle me and I giggle. I giggle, diary! They're my own toes, yet I giggle, and then I fall asleep. And the milk curdles and I get all stinky and sticky. Disgusting, diary, l am disgusting! I'm disgusting! I'm disgusting and I smell like curdled milk! [crying, walks to camera] Anyway, back to the Turtle Princess."
Play, Beemo.
"So there we are. Turtle Princess is frozen and in my little ice wheelbarrow, and there was... magic in the air. We were both feeling it. [pauses] But before I can leave the library, Finn and Jake show up! You know how Jake is—stretch this, stretch that, bah! He knocks off my crown and then Finn bonks me on the nose! Still hurts too. The worst part is, Turtle Princess took away my library card! [sigh] Y'know, dear diary... I'm starting to worry that all these entries sound exactly the same, and that my life is just me running in place on some... giant hamster wheel."
S3 E20Holly Jolly Secrets Part II
"Good morning. You're watching the evening news. There's been an unfortunate event. Let's go talk to some witnesses. [he turns camera to a caged Wildberry Princess] Princess, what is your name?"
WPWildberry Princess
"Please, let me go home!"
"So, Princess Please-let-me-go-home, tell me. What was it like to experience this tragedy?"
WPWildberry Princess
"What? I can— I don't, uh, uh..."
"Yeah, we're on air, honey, so spit it out."
WPWildberry Princess
"I... I don't know what you're talking about."
"Obviously traumatized and in a state of shock. Let's go ask somebody else something. [turns camera upside-down; zooms to Wildberry Princess] Upside-down Princess, do you think things will change politically because of today's events?"
WPWildberry Princess
"You're really frightening me!"
"Well, there you have it, folks. [flips camera back] People are very upset that Gunther tried to eat Ice King's socks. Very upset! That's why Gunther has to stay in the corner."
[Beemo inserts the last VHS tape inside itself. Loading to what seems to be... a person in an art gallery]
PPerson
"Hello. My name is Simon Petrikov. I am recording this tape so that people will know my story."
Oh no! Turn it off, Beemo, turn it off!!
"I was studying to be an antiquarian of ancient artifacts. Now I never believed in the supernatural stuff myself, just had a fascination with superstitions. But everything changed when I came into contact with this item."
[Simon slowly opens a safe and brings out a golden, three red gem-encrusted crown. Finn and Jake are surprised]
FJFinn & Jake
The Ice King! [both seated, with Ice King behind]
"After purchasing this crown from an old dock worker in northern Scandinavia, I brought it home and excitedly showed my fiancée Betty, and jokingly put it on my head just for a laugh or something. And that's when it started. The visions... I fought with them... Shouted at them until I realized it wasn't real, it was the crown!! I quickly took it off... and saw my fiancée in front of me — looking at me with such contempt. What had I said? What had I done when I wore this crown? All I know is I never saw Betty again."
[...]
"Since then, I see the visions always whether or not I wear the crown. They tell me the secrets... the secrets of the ice and snow... that the power of the crown will save me with its frost. I don't yet know what this means. As you can see, my skin is beginning to turn blue. My body temperature has been lowering at a supernatural rate, to what is now about 30 degrees Celsius. I don't know when it will end. I'm really scared."
[...]
"I know my mind is changing... but I'm already too far gone to know what to do. I want people to know that... if I do things... If I do things that hurt anyone, please.. please forgive me...."
[...]
"Just watch over me until I can find a way out of this labyrinth in my brain and regain my sanity!! And then maybe Betty, my princess... maybe you will love me again. [sobs] Please love me again, Betty!!"
S3 E21Marceline's Closet
[Finn crawls slowly down the bedroom ladder, turns back to Jake]
Is she awake?
Why are you talking?!
I'm wondering if she's awake.
Well, if she's awake, she can definitely hear you talking!
I'm whispering!
Well, now we're both quietly screaming!!
[offscreen] I can hear both of you.
Disguise yourself, fool!
[they run up before Marceline turns the light on; see Jake shapeshifted into Finn and Finn with a lampshade over his head]
What are you bozos doing in my lair?
Dude, I think she sees us. [Finn takes off lampshade]
What the— Dude! You shape-changed to look like me?! [throws lampshade at Jake]
[beat] Yeah.
Hey! [hissing] Exssssplain yourselves.
[exhales deeply] We were playing hide-and-seek in your closet and you came home, so we hid in there all day. We saw... everything. And, oh Glob! [Jake jumps up and they hold each other] I mean, whatever you do to us, I just wanna say we're sorry!
So sorry!
Okay. Apology accepted.
What?!
I hide in your house all the time.
S3 E22Paper Pete
Hey, this table is wobbly. We gotta take it to the Lost Tinker Goblin of Fog Mountain to fix it.
Dude, I would love to go on some crazy, made-up adventure with you, but I really gotta read this. So from here on out, I'm just gonna ignore you.
S3 E23Another Way
Uh, Jake, can't we get rid of these clown nurses? They make me feel ridiculous.
No way, man.
Ugh!
Well, now you know we can't jump off of birds. [the big green clown nurse waves a milk-dipped cookie and drop into Jake's mouth] I paid them up front. They don't leave until the job's done. Besides... [honks her nose horn] they're funny. [HHHOOO-PWWOOO!!!] Heheheh! Look! She just farted!
CNClown Nurse
Time for our love therapy. [walks to Finn's bandaged toe]
Wait... what're they doing? [she smooches his toe] Whoa!! Stop!!
CNClown Nurse
Oh, my! Did that hurt, dear?!
No! I just don't want you kissing my toe!
CNClown Nurse
Now, now, honey. You gotta understand that this is the only way to foo-foo your boo-boo.
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!!
I don't know, but I feeling better already. Aah! That tickles!
GCGreen Clown Nurse
You want me to stop?
No, keep going. [she resumes smooching Jake's foot]
You're gross, man. [reads his Enchiridion] Look! "Deep in the forest of trees, there's a Cyclops whose magical tears can heal any wound." See?! SEE?!! [the clown nurse takes his Enchiridion away from him]
CNClown Nurse
Maybe you should leave the medical decisions to the medical professionals, and my professional prescription is... you toe need cu-razy smooches! It's the only way! [laughing manically]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Adventure Time pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.