JakeFinn, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think we should cut our losses and bring this fella back to where we found him.
We can't just abandon him! Look at him, Jake! He needs us now more than ever! We just need to take better care of you from now on, right, little guy?
[the Jiggler's pressure builds up and explodes all of its magenta juices in front of Finn and Jake]
[the Jiggler's body stretches in every direction and drapes the inside of the Tree Fort like taffy]
Jake
Oh!
Jake
Finn? Okay.
Jake
Our pet exploded.
Jake
Maybe we can scrape him up, and... ugh... [the Jiggler's upside-down head stretches down below]
[gasps] Oh, holy moly! Don't worry, Jiggler! We'll fix you!
[he whistles holding the Jiggler's head, but only makes raspberry noises]
Let's gather him up, Jake! He's all over the place! Even between the floorboards!
Jake
And the cupboards!
Jake
I wonder... where's his heinie? [sees lower torso on record player] Found it! C'mere, you! Hey! Ugh!
Come on! Let's put him back together!
Jake
Okay!
Squeeze real hard. He's slipping!
Jake
I got him!
[they both squeeze the Jiggler as hard as they could, and press it back into an indistinguishably disgusting mass]
Jake
Well, at least he's all in one piece. [SPLAT!!] Sheesh... You think he's... dead?
No way! I won't let you die, guy! Not this time!
Jake
I bet you wish you were my butt.
Jake
I bet you wish YOU were my butt, because then the Princess, y'know... No, wait... I bet you wish YOU were the Ice King and the Princess was my butt!
Jake
Hm... OH!! I bet you wish Bubblegum would KISS you too! Like the Ice King and my butt!
I never knew being fat and lazy was so rewarding!
Jake
Yeah! Your gut's so huge and mouldable.
Jake
Hold on a sec!
Hahahaha! Man, that tickles!
Jake
[moulded to IK] "I'm the Ice King! And I'll never find a bride because I'm such a tool."
[laughs] Alright, let me try. [moulds his gut to PB] "I'm Princess Bubblegum, and I'm a dork because I like science! I've also got a really annoying voice that Finn thinks is ATTRACTIVE!!"
Jake
Ha ha! That's a... Wait, what'd you say?
Jake
Hey... did you know that you both have an awesome sense of humor?
Jake
Yeah! Anyone have a joke?
Oh, I have a joke! Okay, okay. Knock knock!
Jake
She said, "who's there?"
Jake
Jyaega seolsalae. (He said, "Diarrhea.")
Eo, nado deul-eoss-eo. Mwoya, hanado jaemieobsjanh-a. (Yeah, I know. I don't think it was kinda that funny.) [sips goblet]
Did she say "Diarrhea who?"
Jake
Uh... no. No, she didn't say "Diarrhea who". She didn't. ...Say it.
Hey Grandpa, how're you able to fly if you don't have wings?
[old man voice] "Well, light travels from the sun, then bounces off of our planet, and back into our eyes so we can perceive color."
Jake
Whoa!
"My body can intercept that light, and dance around on it."
Jake
Baby, it's a little rocky in the back seat here!
[laughs] Shmow! That forest wizard is giving away free power rings!
"Do you wanna try gettin' some, Finn?"
A long time ago, when I was a baby, I went boom boom on a leaf. (boom boom!) Then I fell backwards (SPLAT!) and sat in my own boom boom. I cried for a day... but no one came to help me. That day I vowed to help anyone in need, no matter how small their problem! And that's why I need to go. [leaves]
[the marauders all clap and cheer]
Jake
He still cries when he poops. Thanks for being cool, guys.
RReaper
Hey kid... you want some magic powers? Magic powers for absolutely free?
Jake
Wait! Let's not be too rash! Just look at this guy! Check out the sunken lifeless eyes, the foul stench of decay! You know what that means?
..Means he's evil, I guess.
Jake
Well evil, sure—but mostly, he's unattractive. And unattractive people are desperate.
Jake
Hey, check it out!
Jake
Looks like a giant dead turtle.
I think it's some kinda city of—
HHag
[pops out of tree] THIEVES!! It's the City of Thieves! [points at Finn] Be warned, boy!! All who enter the city are destined to become thieves themselves! [cackles] Even you!
I wouldn't become a thief, lady! I'm a pretty good guy.
Jake
Yeah, get your glasses on, grandma. This kid is pure. In fact, he's about to help that little crying kid. [show a girl crying]
Oh, whoa! [he and Jake run off]
Enough, lady! [walks to girl] Hey, little girl, are you okay?
GGirl
[falls back] Please, don't steal anything from me!
Whoa! We wouldn't do that. We're heroes.
Jake
We wanna turn your frown... [twists the face he made on his stomach] all the way around.
GGirl
Aah! [starts crying again]
Jake
I'll face the other way, but I'm gonna keep doing this.
GGirl
Oh, it was terrible. I was trying to sell my flowers out here in the desert when these two thieves came and stole my whole basket, then ran into the city.
HHag
[pops up again] OF THIEVES!!
Jake
Oh, boy...
HHag
Heed my warning, boy! Enter the city, and you'll come out a thief!
Never! [carries girl on his shoulders] I'll get this girl's flowers back.
I'll get Penny's flowers back and come out of that city as pure as the driven snow. Let's go, Jake!
Jake
Yeah! We're gonna purify that city!
How are we supposed to get that basket back if it keeps being stolen?! Ugh!!
Jake
Hey! We can steal a new one from that guy! [points to a 'Baskets & Boots' seller with its owner snoozing] He's got lots of flower baskets... and boots! I'd like to steal me one of them pairs of boots, especially.
No, Jake. We can't steal. We have to stay pure!
Jake
[grumbles] O-kay...
PPenny
I have an idea. My mom used to tell me that there's a king of thieves who lives in the center of the city, and everything that gets stolen from little girls ends up at his tower. Maybe we'd find my basket in his treasure chest!
That's a great idea, Penny!
PPenny
There's one thing, though. The tower that he lives in is surrounded by a magical barrier which magically keeps thieves out.
Have you forgotten?! We three ain't thieves! We're PURE!! Right, Jake? Jake?
Jake
[tiptoes to seller] Just gotta steal these boots...
Jake
Huh?
OOwner
Hey! [swats Jake] Go away!!
What are you doing, man?!
Jake
It's the city! It's getting to me! Help me, Finn!!
Jake
So do I get my powers back?
WWitch
Hm... Apology denied.
Jake
What!? Why!?
WWitch
Because you took too long. Now you have to apologize while doing a variety of humiliating things.
Jake
No way, Jose!
JSJake's Subconscious
"Come on, dude. It's the only way to save Finn."
Jake
He's my subconscious.
WWitch
Then he has to do it too.
JSJake's Subconscious
"Aw!"
Jake! I never should've doubted you!
Jake
Well, I'm glad you learned your lesson – that in a crunch, there's nothin I wouldn't do for ya.
Ahhh, so is that how you got your powers back? ["ting"] You apologized to the witch?
Jake
Uum... [sweats profusely] No way! I um.. must have found the right... mud puddle! Yeah... I don't remember. Heh... Rrrrr...
Get me out of the water! Now, Jake, now!
[Jake is shown bruised, saying "ow" as Finn steps on him, screaming]
Jake
Finn! Stop it, Finn! OWWW!!
Adventure Time · 447 quotes
