Rory quotes from 8 Simple Rules

Rory

I would appreciate it if you could stay off the phone for a while. There are going to be a lot of women calling me.

Bridget

Calling you what? Geek?

Kerry

Perv?

Bridget

Freak?

Kerry

Loser?

Rory

Not anymore.

Bridget

I am like so back on top with these things! (names her boobs) Hello, Mary Kate! Hello, Ashley!

Rory

Talk about a "Full House."

Paul

Bridget, I think it's an honor your mother is going to teach you sexual education. After all, she taught me.

Ew!

Bridget

Do you guys not understand what situation I am in here? I mean, Donny Doyle's coming in this weekend to see me.

Paul

So?

Bridget

So, people already perceive my dating Donny Doyle as a slap in the face! I mean, you know, he's older and he goes to the naval academy instead of his school, and then Danielle's going to this party this weekend, she's all, "You better be there," and I'm all, "Uh, yeah," but Donny's all, "Oh, no, I don't want to share you," which is actually very sweet when you think about it, but it's just the sort of thing that Danielle's gonna use against me, and then (points at Cate) you have to go and exacerbate the whole thing by teaching sex ed at my school!

Rory

On the bright side, she did say "exacerbate."

Rory

Well, Bridget broke up with him [Donny] on that tape. (Everyone looks shocked) Oh no! I thought everyone knew!

Your daughter broke up with our Donny...

...On our video tape?

Paul

You stole Donny's harmony part?!

Hey, neighbor! Fred and Mary Ellen Doyle...

Hey, neighbor! Fred and Mary Ellen Doyle...

Hey, neighbor! Fred and Mary Ellen Doyle...

Cate

You know, you could return one of Fred's calls!

Paul

I can't talk to you when you're like this! I swear, he would keep calling even if I changed the outgoing message to, "Doyle, you idiot, stop calling!"

Hey, neighbor! Kept trying to call, but I think something's wrong with your machine.

Rory

There's something wrong with the answering machine? (starts to play Fred's message)

Paul

Rory, you fixed it!

Rory

But...

Paul

I said, YOU FIXED IT!!!

Cate

(on the phone) Hello? Yeah, this is Mrs. Hennessy.

Kerry

Gosh, you are so jealous.

Bridget

Oh, please, I debuted at number two on the hot list.

Rory

Yeah, but she didn't have to do the things you did to get on it.

Kerry

(nervously) Mom?

Cate

(fighting back tears) My... my keys, where are my keys?

Kerry

Mom, what's going on?

Cate

Oh, my... (dashes out the back door)

(uneasily) Mom? Mom!

Rory

I'm trying to protect them.

Cate

Aww, that's sweet.

Rory

I'm afraid that they are going to turn into big fat whores!

Cate

OK. Not so sweet.

Jim

Ask him to leave.

Rory

I can't. He doesn't have any ears. I mean he shows up all the time. He's there in the morning. He's there in the shower. I understand why he's there when Missy Kleinfeld walks by. But Hunter and I were haveing cheeseburgers and he was there too.

Jim

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know when I was your age, my friend kept showing up too. We were like Hope and Crosby.

Rory

Who? You do realize I'm talking about my—

Jim

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're talking about the same thing, son. What you're going through is perfectly normal.

Rory

How can this be normal? I can barely walk.

Jim

Calm down. See this is what happens with a boy your age. Well, in time it will pass. It's a phase. Usually when you get married it will go away completely.

Rory

So it's normal. Good thanks. So what am I supposed to do in the meantime?

Jim

Well try to avoid any situations where your friend, you know, tada. You know I'm always telling you to stand up straight, don't hunch over and get your hands out of your pockets.

Rory

Yeah.

Jim

Well hunch over and put them back in.

CJ

Rory, do you do drugs?

Rory

No.

CJ

For a second there, this all made sense.

Cate

Corn?

Bridget

[VO] The chips are potato and corn...

Cate

[She stands up and knocks a bag over. A flyer falls out that reads "Evergreen - Fresh and Fun"]

Kerry

[VO] We rented... Evergreen. I hear it's totally fresh and fun...

Cate

[Flashback, reading a flyer] An overnight stay in a beautility salon...

Rory

[Flashback, hanging up the phone] That's weird. Travis Stevens just invited me over to his house...

C.J.

[Flashback, sipping a cup of tea] What do they covet most, Cate? Many, many boys...

Cate

Those girls! They are so dead!