C.J quotes from 8 Simple Rules

C.J.

(to Grandpa Jim) Oh my. Is that my Gampy? Is that my Gampa? Gaga, it's me! (Jim stares at him) Please, don't get up.

C.J.

I told him to practice. But I meant on his hand or in the mirror or on plush toys.

Cate

You kiss plush toys?

C.J.

No, you kiss plush toys.

Cate

And C.J., be honest for once.

C.J.

I was ashamed. You know he was the only guy who said I'd be somebody and I never was. I almost called him one time when I was running the Tilt-A-Whirl but all the parents freaked out because I was dialing instead of "paying attention" to their kids.

Cate

Bridget, are those new pants?

Bridget

Yes, aren't they cute?

Cate

Yeah. How did you pay for them?

Bridget

Umm, with your credit card. Don't you remember? You said Lulu's is having a sale on towels can you go buy some for the guest bathroom use your own judgement. So on the way to the towels I saw these leather pants that were on sale and I remembered C.J. saying you're so wannabe without the leathers and my judgement said you don't want to be a wannabe and I thought judgement you are so right!

C.J.

That made no sense, but at least you had the presence of mind to drag me into it.

Cate

You want me to go easy. I would just like to know what's going on inside my good child.

C.J.

The thief, the druggie, or the biker chick?

C.J.

I remember in high school, I needed a duffle bag to carry all the cards I got. Oh, you don't believe me. I may not be much now as a result of some hard and yes questionable living, but back in high school, I was buff, young, and tan. Good looking. I was the man.

Kerry

Oh yeah, show us your yearbook.

C.J.

The man was sick on picture day.

CJ

Rory, do you do drugs?

Rory

No.

CJ

For a second there, this all made sense.

Kerry

Give me one good reason why I can't go to the Maeve Festival.

Cate

Actually, I'll give you three: sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll.

C.J.

Sold!

Bridget

Mom, please don't ground me.

Cate

I won't.

Bridget

Oh wow it really works. Mom, can I have twenty dollars.

Cate

No.

Cate

You're not grounded. You're going to help me with the gardening and cleaning the rain gutters.

Bridget

But what about my nails?

Cate

I guess you'll have to cut them back.

Bridget

[to CJ] This is all your fault.

Bridget

I figured out what CJ stands for... Benedict Arnold.

C.J.

That would hurt if it made any sense.

C.J.

[Bad French Accent] Hello, Cate.

Cate

[Noticing C. J. sitting there, drinking a cup of tea] How long have you been sitting there?

C.J.

[Accent] Bridget, Kerry, Kerry, Bridget. What do they covet most, Cate?

Cate

Boys?

C.J.

[Accent] Hm, yes. Many, many boys.

Cate

Well, I was just in their room...

C.J.

[Accent] Snooping, Clarice?

Cate

I was cleaning! Anyway, i found my suitcase, and a bunch of websites about hotels.

C.J.

[Accent] Bridget and Kerry, hotel, boys. One banana, two banana, three banana, four.

C.J.

[Bad French Accent] What we have here, Cate, is a Trash & Dash.

Cate

What's that?

C.J.

[Bad French Accent] The coolest kids in school throw a party. They rent a fancy hotel room, trash the place, then dash out the door without paying. Trash & Dash.

Cate

You used to do that?

C.J.

I said the cool kids! I asked all my friends about it, they're like "no! It's a myth!"

Cate

You know, that actually makes sense. The hotels, the beauty salon, the cool kids didn't invite you. Thanks, C. J.

C.J.

[Bad French Accent] You have to admit, Cate, the world's a much more interesting place with me around.

Cate

C. J., why are you talking like that?

C.J.

I don't know.

Cate

Corn?

Bridget

[VO] The chips are potato and corn...

Cate

[She stands up and knocks a bag over. A flyer falls out that reads "Evergreen - Fresh and Fun"]

Kerry

[VO] We rented... Evergreen. I hear it's totally fresh and fun...

Cate

[Flashback, reading a flyer] An overnight stay in a beautility salon...

Rory

[Flashback, hanging up the phone] That's weird. Travis Stevens just invited me over to his house...

C.J.

[Flashback, sipping a cup of tea] What do they covet most, Cate? Many, many boys...

Cate

Those girls! They are so dead!