Hey, nerds! Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? [pointing both thumbs at herself] This moi.
S2 E13Succession
I just need him awake for a few minutes, can't you... inject something directly into his heart?
Oh, I'd like nothing better. Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing where the heart is. See, every human is different.
My genius will not be denied! I'm like Mozart! You're like that guy who was always jealous of Mozart.
Salieri?
No thank you. I already ate.
S2 E14Sandwich Day
WHERE'S MY MACARONI AND CHEESE!?!?
I even stopped to catch a snowflake with my tongue, but apparently that's some signal in Chelsea.
WHERE'S MY SANDWICH?!?!
Lutz made us do it.
LLutz
No, it was Frank.
THAT'S IT! This is all my fault, Miss Lemon. Because I let it happen. And the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Please ask my permission before you quote me, Kenneth!
I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich. Or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad, you'll have a chin. YOU'LL ALL HAVE CHINS!
A drinking contest?!? What am I, 12 and at my boyfriend's frat party?!
Alcohol? This smells like Hill-people milk. I've been drinking this since I was a baby!"
WHERE'S MY MAC AND CHEESE!?
S2 E15Cooter
[as water pours from the ceiling] The ceiling appears to be leaking.
CCooter
No, it's not. We looked into it and it's not.
RCRandom Congressman at meeting
I can't support that. Dam is a swear word. I'd support it if instead of dam we called it a "god finger".
(looking at her calendar) Ugh... why don't I cross out the days like people in the movies?
Cooter!
CCooter
That's not my name. My name is James Riley. Cooter Burger? What do you think I am, a cartoon dog? The president named me that!
He gave you two nicknames?
CCooter
"Cooter" because I look like a turtle, and "Burger" because he saw me eating a hamburger one time! We have to get out of here.
Now that's the spirit. But if they're not taking resignations, there's only one way out: we have to work together to get fired.
CCooter
It wasn't even a hamburger... it was a sandwich.
It was the cheese curls.
Pardon?
Causing the false positives on my home pregnancy tests. Apparently, Sabor de Soledad gets its special tangy flavor from evaporated bull semen.
That explains your hair's thickness and shine.
Apparently, in Mexico women use it to stop their periods before Cinco de Mayo.
I'm a little afraid to ask if you're still eating them.
(dejectedly) They're so good.
S3 E1Do-Over
I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider them erotica.
That man can wear a sweater.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 30 Rock pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.