30 Rock quotes

268 total quotes

All Seasons  Season 1   Season 2   Season 3   Season 4   Season 5  
Season 6

Accountant: My son Adam is a huge, huge fan!
Tracy: Yes, many of our viewers are obese.

Amy: Ugh, I hate it when they put the movie poster on the cover of the book that the movie is based on.
Liz: Let me imagine what Peeta Mallark looks like, and how his arms smell of bread.

Criss: You don't use the tab closers on cereal boxes!
Liz: If you think those are doing anything to seal in freshness, you are living in a fantasy world, pal.

Hazel: When I confronted him about it he was so condescending! He laughed at me, then he undressed me with his eyes. Then he had his way with me... with his eyes.
Liz: Ugh, the male gaze.
Hazel: Yeah, they're all a bunch of gays.

Jack: This thing's a real cash cow - unlike Cash Cow, the NBC spinoff of Cash Cab. You try riding a cow through midtown Manhattan, Lemon. The animal will panic.

Jack: Extracting an American from North Korea is a, ah, is a lot more difficult than arranging a round robin paddle tennis tournament.
Diana: What about arranging three round robin paddle tennis tournaments?

Jack: Liddy is at a baby leadership conference this week. The timing is perfect.
Tracy: I know what you're doing. The first time I got mugged I didn't leave my room for a week. I hid. But not in a tuxedo. All I had was a Chewbacca costume made out of used hair extensions. It made me feel invincible. Like someone who wouldn't get scared and freeze up when they got mugged.
Young Tracy: Perfectly executed Chewbacca sound!

Jack: Oh, Diana, you're here, I thought you'd be at the house.
Diana: Oh yes, I dropped my bags off and shook hands with the baby but I wanted to come talk to you about Avery's situation.

Jack: The UN is useless, the State Department is full of Democrats, and as it turns out Amnesty International is nothing but a company that makes and sells candles...
Liz: That explains all the vigils!

Jack: This is a sign. The lower classes are getting cranky about the rich earning all of their money away from them. Can't they see this is in their best interest? How could we pay their salaries without using their money? We're on the verge of a class war.

Jack: Whatever you do, don't speak first. Ninety percent of negotiations are lost by the person who speaks first. Because what is speaking a sign of?
Audience member: ...weakness?
Jack: You - out. Fired.

Jack: You have no interest in helping me. You're one of them. What do you make, five figures?
Lenny Wozniak: Forty grand a year. But don't let the woman who is blackmailing me know that.
Jack: And the police have no interest in helping me either †despite the hundreds of dollars a year I pay in taxes!

Jack: You know what? Avery loved a good fight. She used to call the cable company to dispute our bill just for the sport of it. She wouldn't stand for this dog and pony show.
Diana: I've organized several dog and pony shows and I'm offended by what you're implying.
Jack: How are you Avery's mother?
Diana: We have several things in common, Jack. We both married much, much older men -- which can be hard, or more often flaccid.

Jack: You really are an extraordinary young man Kenneth. No matter what happens you always keep your chin up.
Kenneth: Medically it's a neck ridge.

Kelsey Grammer (performing as Abraham Lincoln): I know that future generations will forge a stronger country, and that, someday, America will be a place... where everybody knows your name.