TV show quotes
What made you change your mind?
Tracy Jr. made you an acrostic.
Well, I hope he made me an acrosse helmet so I don't get hurt playing acrosse! [seeing Jack's confused stare] Now come on, that's pretty solid for a guy who just came out of an hallucination.
What have children ever done for us?
Well, they make our shoes and wallets.
Sir, a Mr. Adouche is on the phone? I. M. Adouche.
I am a douche? [winces] Banks!! [picks up phone] What do you want?
Did you say it?
No, I knew right away.
Moron says what?
What?
[Jack snickers and closes the phone]
Moron says what? Jack? ...Jack?
Weird... in a good way. Like going to the gym drunk.
Why don't Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I'll tell you why: it's because the Pope owns Long John Silver's.
Really - you want to exchange creative gifts? Oh, well, you are the one that's in trouble now, buddy, because creativity to me is just like... like a... bird, like a friendly bird, that embraces all... ideas, and just like, shoots... out of its eyes, all kinds of beauty.
Wow, Lemon, this is like watching Hemingway write. Mark Hemingway.
No, Jack. You were just talking about how you miss office hookups. That is a double standard.
Calm down.
I won't calm down. Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.
She has really thin lips, but she makes up for it with tongue girth.
Ugh, I hate January. It's dark and freezing and everyone's wearing bulky coats; you can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
So what's going on with you and Nancy, anyway?
We're just friends. It's platonic. I have elaborate fantasies of her husband dying in a boat explosion.
Who is number one in your speed dial?
BlackBerry, Warren Buffett. iPhone, Jimmy Buffet.
Favorite movie?
Tie -- The Fountainhead or Uncle Buck.
If I die, my ghost is gonna haunt you!
Then your ghost is going to see some disgusting stuff.
Future husband? Who did you put in your address book as "Future Husband"?
I have absolutely no idea.
Well, whenever I find something weird in my cell phone, I can usually trace it back to last time I was drunk.
Oh my God, the dentist's office!
Your dentist gets drunk with you, too?
He built GE into the greatest company on Earth, and the Earth into one of the top three planets in the universe!
It's like a black barbie doll in Arizona - nobody's buying it!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 30 Rock pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
