Jack Donaghy quotes from 30 Rock

Who is number one in your speed dial?

Jack

BlackBerry, Warren Buffett. iPhone, Jimmy Buffet.

Favorite movie?

Jack

Tie -- The Fountainhead or Uncle Buck.

Jack

He built GE into the greatest company on Earth, and the Earth into one of the top three planets in the universe!

Tracy

It's like a black barbie doll in Arizona - nobody's buying it!

Jack

Lemon, the grown-up dating world is like your haircut. Sometimes, awkward triangles occur.

Liz

I feel like you've been saving that one.

Jack

The world is made by those who control their own destiny. It isn't made by those who don't do, it's made by those who do do. Which is what made me the man I am, I do do.

Liz

Yeah, you do.

Jack

Grow up, Lemon.

Liz

I am a grown woman! I have been doing things my way for a long time. I don't like my "life stuff" mixing with my "dude stuff."

Jack

A middle-aged woman saying "dude stuff," is that on my sadness scavenger hunt? Why yes it is!

Mr. Donaghy, this may be just be about money to you, but as a member of Congress and a black woman...

Jack

I don't really see color or gender, Mr. Chang.

Jack

Does it seem weird to you? Everything looks like a Mexican soap opera. Good God, I can see every line and pore on your face.

Liz

Yeah, well my face cream was recalled. Apparently it was killing the lab rats'...Ugh what was it?... brains!

Liz

Wow, you were very fit back then.

Jack

Yes, but my penis was smaller.

Jack

You have more sexual hangups than an adult chat line run by Gilbert Gottfried?

Liz

What?

Jack

That was written by a computer program we're working on to replace you.

Jack

Certainly you can't be surprised that there's a lot of negative stuff about you out there. Don't you ever Google yourself?

Tracy

Sure, I google myself all the time, like when Angie's not in the mood or I'm alone in a hotel.

Liz

Sometimes you have to do the right thing even when the wrong thing would be a whole lot easier, die Werewolf Zombie, die.

Liz

What's going on today? Has everyone lost their moral compass?

Jack

You're being awfully high and mighty for someone who once claimed her husband drowned so she could get out of a gym contract.

Jack

She's courting the youth vote. That means she's desperate.

My generation never votes. It interferes with talking about ourselves all the time.

Liz

Well, you were right about Brooklyn Without Limits: crunchy on the outside, right wing nutjob on the inside.

Jack

Like Ann Coulter's underwear.

Liz

You don't know what you're talking about, these jeans are hand-made in USA.

Jack

You're mispronouncing that, they're Hānd made in Usa. The Hānd are a Vietnamese slave race and Usa is their island prison. Want to know how they get the stitching so small? Orphans.

Jack

Pete and I are having a little college night.

Liz

Oh yeah you want to see me shotgun this?

Jack

Oh God! She means the pizza!

Pete

She's unhinging her jaw!