Zoey 101 · Season 3
Oh... my God.
I'll never be the same.
Now, I know why they call 'em chopsticks.
Uh, you okay there, Dustin? [Dustin just stares at the blank TV screen]
Come on, kid, it was just a movie, not like they're gonna come and-- [Dustin gets up and runs out of the room]
How long do you plan to let Dustin keep staying here at night?
'Til he's not scared anymore.
What if that takes weeks? I can't handle that, Zoey! I need to be able to throw my bra on the floor without worrying if your little brother's gonna find it, take a digital picture of it, and show it to his friends.
(after the fire alarm has gone off) All right, all right, the good news is there's no fire.(They cheer) Wait, wait. The bad news, one of you obviously pulled the fire alarm for no reason. Would the person who did it like to confess? (nobody talks) I didn't think so. All right, let me be clear. Pulling a fire alarm is not funny. (laughter is heard) It's a serious offense. If it happens again, and I don't find out who it is, I'm giving this entire dorm detention. (the boys start complaining) Now, go back to bed.
OK, whoever pulled the alarm, if you do it again, you're getting your butt kicked.
Yeah, a fake fire alarm is not drippin'. (all of the boys look at Michael)
Saying drippin' is not drippin'.
Hey, hey! You can't use the term against itself. [to himself] I hate when people disrespect my term... I need some French fries.
(after the fire alarm has gone off for the second night) All right, I told you what would happen if someone pulled that fire alarm again. All of you have detention this Saturday. (all of the boys groan as they start to walk inside)
Who keeps pulling that stupid alarm?! [to a nerd] Was it you?!
No! No, I-I-I'd never do any- [bully pushes him to the ground] Ow! Ow, ow, rupture!
Whoa, hey! We're not gonna solve this problem by shoving random nerds.
Oooooooh! Excuse me, voice of reason!
Look, I'm tired of being woken up in the middle of the night when I'm dreaming about... [the others look at him] You people don't need to know what I dream about!
Well, I don't like detention.
Neither do I!
Hey! How about we take turns, staying up, hiding, watching the fire alarm? That way, we'll catch whoever's doing it.
That's good.
Yeah! That idea's drippin!
It's not gonna catch on. [they start to walk back inside]
Yes, it will.
You can stay here!
You can move in with us!
You can even take a digital picture of my bra!
Can't...breathe!
Sweet! My J-Phone just downloaded three new shows and two movie previews!
Oh, will you quit showing off your fancy Asian phone?
Ooh, what, you're not gonna say it's drippin?
Hey, hey. Don't you mock drippin'. Don't you mock my new word!
'Scuse me, is that the J-Phone, from Japan?
Yeah, but uh... [whispers] Don't say anything okay? They're not legal in America. [winks]
I'm aware of that. [takes the J-Phone from Logan]
Hey!
[Chief Beck holds a scanner next to the J-Phone and after a few seconds the screen on the scanner reads "FREQUENCY 452.8 RPT"]
Dean Rivers, can you come over here please?
[Dean Rivers walks over]
[shows him the J-Phone] Here's what's been setting off the fire alarm every night. [points at Logan] This kid's cellphone.
Huh?
It's called a J-Phone, made in Japan. They're illegal in the U.S. because they operate on restricted frequencies used by police and fire departments. [glares at Logan] Frequencies that set off fire alarms.
You're a dead man, Reese.
Yeah!
[Logan glances nervously at the crowd of angry boys gathered behind him]
[laughs] Right, I'm sure you're all just gonna beat me up, right here in front of Dean Rivers.
Chief Beck, our coffee's ready!
Oh! Coffee!
Let's get some.
[Chief Beck and Dean Rivers walk away]
Uh, Dean Rivers? [the boys move towards him] Dean? Sir!
Uh... [clears throat] Run. [Logan runs]
Let's get him! [the other boys form an angry mob and run after Logan, except Chase and Michael]
How could you two just let those guys beat me up last night? How could you do that?
It was easy.
We just walked back to the dorm, and went to sleep.
(to Zoey) On a first date, a guy and a girl are just checking each other out.
The second dates are like a compatibility test. To see whether you guys get along.
Third date is a real turning point.
Whether to see if your gilfriend material.
Or the dreaded "just friends".
(on "The Chase and Michael Show", the two boys are bowling pins about to be hit by the ball)
Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!
Calm down!
I can't calm down! We're about to be hit by a big, flat ball!
B-b-but, maybe it will miss us!
How's it gonna miss us?! We're right in front! Oh, man! He's about to roll! It's gonna roll!
Hey, I got an idea!
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me!
When the ball rolls at us, hop up and down.
Why?!
'Cause, maybe-maybe when the ball gets here, we'll be up! And it'll roll right under us!
Here comes the ball! Ahhhhhh!
(at the table with Chase) Ah, we're cute.
Yeah. Now, we just need 25 more ideas.
Yeah. Okay, okay. How about this. Our characters are two dolphins that are afraid to be hit by a boat.
Yeah. See, that's the same thing as the bowling pins.
No, we're dolphins.
We're being sued...
(cries for a bit) I told you we should've gone with the dolphins!
Okay, you are the worst roommate ever!
But, I am goooood-looking.
All right! You want an idea? How about... your characters are bowling pins and you're terrified of being hit by the bowling ball. How's that?
That could be really funny. How did you think of that?
I'm good at everything.
You know, why do they call this an "eggplant"? It doesn't look like an egg, it doesn't look like a plant.
So, what should they call it?
I don't know. Veggabush.
This is important to me! I want to be on the cover of Buzz!
No, you don't, you're just obsessed with beating Lola because you guys are in a fight!
Okay, I do not need a therapist, so if you're not gonna help me—
Maybe, you do need a therapist, because you're not even acting like you.
Oh, I'm not?
You're the one who said contests like this bring out the worst in people. Well, guess what? It's bringing out the worst in you!
That's so not true!
It's like...you? To run around, freaking out, dying for Logan to pick you as the prettiest girl at PCA?
(brief pause) ...Topaz, pearls, or red balls?
This is so much better than a beauty pageant.
So much better!
Girls — always fighting dirty.
(starts to laugh) Fighting dirty, That's funny!
It is? ...Yeah, that's right, it is! It sure is! You just laugh it up, Quinn. Compliments of Michael Barrett!
It wasn't that funny.
I know. But now, he'll stop trying to make me laugh.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Zoey 101 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
