Jaye Tyler quotes from Wonderfalls

Jaye

If you were so happy with the sisters in the field, why did you leave?

It was the cheese. The cheese was my undoing. [indicating her plate] This is the miracle of life melted over these chili fries. The bacterial flirtation with enzymes. The co-mingling of friendly micro-organisms giving birth to curds and whey, "And from dust He created the universe."

Jaye

The dairy-board must love you.

Aaron

Oh my God, that guy just blew his nose on the ground. I thought Canadians were supposed to be clean.

Jaye

Just don't make eye contact.

Jaye

Well, if it isn't the squealer. Thanks for squealing, squealer.

Sharon

How am I a squealer?

Jaye

Uh, could it be the squealing? You ambushed us with the fuzz. You were all back-lit and evil-smoking like that guy on the X-Files.

Jaye

Just try to get Aaron out.

Sharon

He's already out

Jaye

Bastard! He sang?

Sharon

No, you admitted to driving the car.

Jaye

Oohh, I sang...

Sharon

There are like six Law & Orders on the air now, have you not seen one of them?

Aaron

If your portly chupacabra doesn’t emerge soon I’ll be forced to go home and work on my dissertation.

Jaye

I don’t call him that anymore. He might be of Mexican descent and I don’t want to be insensitive.

Aaron

What do you call him?

Jaye

Fat Pat. It was Fatsquatch but... [shrugs]

Aaron

There’s something out there and it’s laughing at us.

I don’t think your sister’s special lunch is an appropriate place for an existential crisis.

Aaron

It’s not an existential crisis.

Karen

You’re studying religion for God’s sake, you were bound to have one sooner or later.

Aaron

I’m not in existential crisis! Just the opposite. I was fine when existence had no meaning. Meaninglessness in a universe that has no meaning — that I get. But meaninglessness in a universe that has meaning... what does it mean?

Jaye

It doesn't mean anything.

Aaron

Did the cow creamer tell you that?

Karen

I’m throwing that creamer away the second we get home.

Jaye

You lost 300 pounds; you can’t just gain it all back!

Well Sieg Heil, Miss Jenny Craig!

I was supposed to ride that barrel right out of this crummy town.

Jaye

And you never considered a bus?

Jaye

Look at me: I’m 24 and I’ve never done anything. I have a worthless philosophy degree that's gotten me no further than a dead-end retail job working for a mouth-breather so I can continue to support my trailer park lifestyle. Do you think I sit around feeling sorry for myself?

God, I would if I were you.

Girl needs a—

Jaye

Girl might actually find time to have a boy if you'd ever shut up!

...donut. Girl needs a donut.

Jaye

Finally, something sensible.

Peter

He wants you all to himself. He won't share you with anyone. You're in danger. He's dangerous. I saw him smoking a cigarette.

Jaye

He doesn't smoke. He doesn't hit people. He doesn't deface synogogues and he doesn't frequent gay bath houses.

Peter

I have pictures.

Jaye

You have photo-imaging software!

Peter

I'm only trying to protect you. Come with me to the cabin. I'll keep you safe. We have a cellar.

You know what happens when a fairy's wings lose their dust? The fairy dies, that's what.

Jaye

Uh, restrooms are for customers only.

We answer to a higher law.

Eric

We do?

Jaye

Love. Love is our higher law. And we're here to save it. Not that it was ever in any danger. From me.

Heidi

You hit me with a television!

Jaye

It was a portable!

Jaye

Fine, I'm the crazy one... but I had the snake!

Heidi

Well, it's my snake and I want it back.

Heidi

The snake... that's a penis reference, right?

Jaye

No, God! With a mind that works like that no wonder you cheated on your honeymoon.