Jack McFarland quotes from Will & Grace

You know, don't talk to me about rejection, okay? I mean, look how many times I've gone down in flames. Remember, I lost the Oscar for Moonstruck.

Jack

But you won the Oscar for Moonstruck!

And don't you forget it.

Now, I thought that, instead of doing some boring interview, it might be good to find out what you know about me. I'm sorry, that sounds vain - me and my career.

Jack

First film: Animal House. Character's name in Footloose: Ren McCormick. Number of films with full frontal nudity: four. Number of films with full sidal nudity: three. Number of films with rear frontal nudity: priceless.

The rest of you may go.

Jack

Friends, it's finally happened - my fame has reached a whole new level. I just got recognized on the street!

Will

Jack, someone yelling "queer!" from a passing car is not a fan.

Jack

This is a big day for you. You're not just losing a best friend...you're losing a hag.

Will

She is not my hag. She's just the most important person in my life who used to be in love with me, and who for 15 years hasn't left my side. [pause, chokes up] She's been one hell of a hag!

Karen

Jackie, look at all this food. We are so blessed.

Jack

I know. There are poor people who dream their whole lives of a meal like this.

Karen

Oh, I know what we should do! Let's take a picture of ourselves eating it and send it to them!

Jack

Wow, Karen, you are like a female Jesus!

Jack

We senior gays have a responsibility to the freshmen: to teach them, to bring them along. [points to Will] Why, I helped this caterpillar become a chubby little butterfly. And now you should do the same for Barry.

Will

Why? Why is this my responsibility?

Jack

Because that's what we do in the community — we gay it forward.

Will

How long have you been sitting on that one?

Jack

Pretty much since the movie came out.

Jack

Kare, throughout all my struggles, you've constantly been partially there for me. Is there anything I can pretend to do for you now?

Karen

Now that you mention it, there is. There's one more box of my personal effects left at the manse. It's mostly personal stuff: photos, birthday cards, the receipt I got from Rosario's parents when they sold her to me. Could you...?

Jack

What are you saying? Would I like to spend a few unsupervised hours rummaging through your closet? Does a gay bear have anonymous sex in the woods?

Will

[to Barry] I want us to date.

Jack

But you can't date both of us because we're best friends. I would never do anything to hurt my friend Will, who wears a wig and a truss.

Karen

[knocks on the washing machine door glass] Where are the fish?

Jack

No, Karen. It is a laundromat. People come here to clean their clothes. Then they reuse them.

Karen

Why, poor people are just plain clever. I wonder, why they can't figure out a way to make more money?

Jack

I'm leaving. It looks like I'm the only one around here with any dignity!

Is that my watch?

Jack

I'm not going to dignify that with a response!

Jack

Gosh, Grace, it was so sweet of you to cook Will and Karen dinner.

Grace

Well, you know, I just figured after a long day at the divorce hearing, it would be nice to come back to a home-cooked meal.

Jack

You're so generous. I swear, if you weren't Jewish, you'd definitely go to heaven.

Grace

Thanks Jack. And if you weren't gay, you'd go there, too.

Will

You're keyed up over nothing. It's just a letter.

Jack

[nods] It's just a letter. He's not going to respond to that. I myself have written him several letters, all unspeakably filthy, and all I got was a wink and a smile.

Leo

What do you mean, Will was better? He couldn't find a g-spot with Yahoo! Maps.

YAHOOOO!

Jack

Got anything written on your freakishly tinier boob?

Karen

It's only smaller when its scared.

Jack

Karen, isn't that Candice Bergen, your archenemy slash best friend?

Karen

Oh my God! This is a nightmare slash delightful!