Jack McFarland quotes from Will & Grace

Grace

Oh my God, you've got a sugar daddy!

Jack

This is so unfair! I'd do a sugar daddy for a horse. Hell, I'd do a horse for a sugar daddy!

Jack

Hey, I just got your message. You needed to see my ass and pee?

Will

I needed to see you A.S.A.P.

Jack

A woman on the elevator said we were a cute couple!

Stuart

Well, it was more like, "Stop making out or the fires of Hell will consume you."

Jack

It's just an expression, like, "We don't want your kind in our neighborhood," or "There he is - get him!"

Stuart

I'm impressed that you're working with patients already.

Jack

Thanks. Although, as a student nurse, I can't technically touch them, treat them or care for them. But I can look kindly at them and be thankful I'm not them.

Stuart

And that's the best medicine of all.

Karen

I was downstairs making a ham sandwich, and I heard Stan's voice!

Jack

Oh my God! Did you put mayo on it?

Karen

Honey, Stan spoke to me!

Jack

Well, you know, it makes sense. In Native American mythology, the refrigerator is the medium for dead fat people.

Jack

That's it - I'm done with men! I'm into women now. C'mon, let's make hot, hetero love to each other. Take off your breasts and turn around.

Grace

Oh, if only that was the first time a guy had said that to me.

Karen

Lyle wanted me to walk down the aisle to "Here Comes the Bride". But I told him that, ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed that, at my fourth wedding, I would walk down to aisle to "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones. And he went for it.

Jack

That's great, Kare. But I thought you were saving "Sympathy For the Devil" for your fifth wedding.

Karen

No, that would just be in bad taste. The fifth wedding is traditionally "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy.

Grace

You know, the old Grace would have done this [smacks her hand onto Jack's forehead.] But now, I just have this new serenity thanks to Mr. Kabbalah.

Will

He's not a person! He's not like Mr. Peanut.

Jack

Uh, Mr. Peanut is not a person, Will.

Karen

He's a legume.

Jack

You mentioned "Gay Jeopardy". Doesn't that sound like a bit of a knockoff? How about "Big Gay Brother"? Or "The Price is Right...and Gay"?

Well, you'll be happy to know that both of those shows are in development, along with "Ashamed Family Feud".

Jack

I have very fondled memories of this place!

Will

You mean "fond".

Jack

That, too.

Jack

My boss is on my case. He says I've got to have a more professional relationship with my secretary, or else I have to fire her. He gave me an old tomato.

Will

"Old tomato?"

Jack

Yeah, when you have to do one thing or the other? You have to eat it or throw it. Old tomato.

Will

Oh, I see. I was confused, 'cause you know, I pronounce it "old tomahto".

Grace

They were nice enough people, but those goodbyes were weird. When I went to hug Vince's sister, she put her hands on my boobs. It was really uncomfortable.

Jack

You stood there for, like, 10 minutes. I had to pull you off her!

Grace

Yeah, well, we're guests. I didn't want to be rude.

Jack

I dunno, Karen, Rosario's color is a little off... although, what color is she supposed to be?

Karen

I ordered her in Hunter Green, but she's faded.

Karen

You'll never guess who just walked in!

Jack

Is it Greg Evigan, from TV's B.J. and the Bear and, after a brief hiatus, My Two Dads?

Will

You know, I never realized how gay those shows sounded. It's a wonder he didn't follow them up with a show called "Hey Faggot!"

Beverly Leslie

As the social director of this club, and the chair of the Nassau County Republicans, let me say that two men will never dance on this floor!

Jack

I'm sorry, I'm a little bit confused. How do I put this delicately...You are a raging 'mo yourself!