Will Truman quotes from Will & Grace

Jack

This is a big day for you. You're not just losing a best friend...you're losing a hag.

Will

She is not my hag. She's just the most important person in my life who used to be in love with me, and who for 15 years hasn't left my side. [pause, chokes up] She's been one hell of a hag!

Will

[after waiter pours wine on him] Why are you laughing? It's not funny!

[turning in his chair] It's a little bit funny.

Grace

That was intense. What was that?

Will

That wasn't B.O. That was B.O.-My God!

Grace

What is the scent of that guy's air freshener, onion and feet?

Grace

Aww, look at her all nervous and shy. Like a teenage girl.

Will

Yeah...'Are You There God? It's Me, Satan.'

Jack

We senior gays have a responsibility to the freshmen: to teach them, to bring them along. [points to Will] Why, I helped this caterpillar become a chubby little butterfly. And now you should do the same for Barry.

Will

Why? Why is this my responsibility?

Jack

Because that's what we do in the community — we gay it forward.

Will

How long have you been sitting on that one?

Jack

Pretty much since the movie came out.

Karen

Hey, what the hell did you two Mork and Mindy-lookin' sons of bitches do to my cousin Barry? You were supposed to help him be gay, but you didn't finish. Now the poor kid's so confused that he's sitting around on the couch watching football in a Spandex onesie!

Will

We just got started. This is a guy who, 24 hours ago, thought that Batman and Robin just fought crime together!

Will

[to Barry] I want us to date.

Jack

But you can't date both of us because we're best friends. I would never do anything to hurt my friend Will, who wears a wig and a truss.

Grace

Just a reminder: Tomorrow is my birthday. Just another reminder: My husband left me alone to help the needy, so the presents need to be bigger and better.

Will

I got you something great. Want a hint?

Grace

No! You know I have to be surprised. Remember two years ago, how mad I got when you left my present out for me to find?

Will

Left it out? It was hidden in a storage locker in Queens, which I rented under an assumed name. You bit through a combination lock!

Grace

Well, just make sure it doesn't happen again.

Will

You can't go home, you'll ruin the surprise. Look, you can crash in my bedroom tonight, and tomorrow you can help me with the party. How are you with a pastry bag and Rosette tips?

Leo

I've never tried them, but why don't we hold each other for awhile, and see how we feel after that?

Karen

I'll get a new lawyer. A better lawyer. A gayer lawyer!

Will

Well, good luck finding that.

Will

That's the captain? That's your limo driver!

Karen

Drive a car, drive a boat, drive a plane...As long as I'm drunk, what's the difference?

Will

You're keyed up over nothing. It's just a letter.

Jack

[nods] It's just a letter. He's not going to respond to that. I myself have written him several letters, all unspeakably filthy, and all I got was a wink and a smile.

Karen

Hey, Wilma, I need your help! Remember Loraine Finster, the dame who stole my husband and tried to bump me off? Well, I think I found her, a private dick said he dug up an "L. Finster" at the Hotel Kickerbocker. Come on, let's go down there and give her what-for!

Will

As much as I'd love to put on a trenchcoat and look for your grip on reality, I can't. I've got to take care of Mom.

Karen

Oh, how sweet, a gay man living with his mother..would you like me to pre-heat the oven or do you want to just jump right in?

Will

Hey, Nurse Sheila, right? You were once my nurse at the sperm clinic.

Nurse Sheila

I'm not so good with faces. Drop your pants and I'll see if it rings a bell.

Jack

Hey, I just got your message. You needed to see my ass and pee?

Will

I needed to see you A.S.A.P.