Will Truman quotes from Will & Grace

So, how is she? I mean, does she still sleep in a casket and live off the blood of villagers?

Will

It would be inappropriate for me to answer that question, but yes.

I shouldn't have said that. It's misogynistic to refer to women as monsters or associated with the occult. I should have just called her a bitch.

Will

You know the best part about teaching? I can ride my bike to work because I don't have to get all dressed up.

Jack

Or, is the best part that you're in a position of power and there are all these hot young guys around, and if you ask them out, they have to say yes, or you'll fail them?

Will

You do understand the difference between a law school and a porno set in a law school, right?

Jack

You hurt the feelings of my male fiancée - or "Boyance", if you will.

Will

I guess that makes you "Gay-Z".

Will

It'll be nice to connect with your dad, and for you to bond with my mom...

Grace

I'm already close with your mom.

Will

You're listed in her phone as "Will's Jewish friend".

Will

Oh, Karen, hi. Sorry, I must have butt-dialed.

Karen

Is there anything you people's butts can't do?

Will

So far, I've yet to be disappointed.

Jack

[about Will & McCoy's baby] Wow, lucky kid - having two dads, just like Jesus.

Will

And she'll have a Mary right across the hall.

Jack

This one ain't a virgin.

Jack

I used to love watching the guys play basketball in high school, especially when it was skirts and skins.

Will

You mean shirts and skins.

Jack

[pause] No wonder I got beat up so much.

Will

Hi. I did bring you flowers, but I had to give them to the woman next door when I walked in on her. I was guessing which room you were in. I guessed wrong.

Grace

Every woman loves flowers.

Will

I don't think she'll like the card about dust bunnies in her uterus.

Jack

Oh, you are crafty. You brought me to a public place so I wouldn't make a scene.

Will

I brought you to a drag bar. I knew you'd make a scene, and I wanted you to blend in.

Who would want Jack to grow up? Will, sit down. In Spain, we have a story about a boy who is forever young, he never grows up, and he wears tights.

Will

Yeah, it's Peter Pan.

No, in our version this forever boy fights a pirate with a hook for a hand, and his best friend is a teeny, tiny fairy.

Will

That's Peter Pan.

No, "Pedro" escapes to "Nunca Nunca Land"...

Will

That means he escapes to "Never Never Land". It's Peter Pan!

You are wrong. Anyway, that is not the point. The point is, Jack should never grow up. He reminds us all what it feels like to be young.

Will

[sighs] I can't argue with you there.

It's just like Pedro said, "Yo nunca quiero ser adulto".

Will

"I won't grow up"! It's Peter Pan!

If I may ask, how old is your child, and how do they identify?

Will

Oh, well, no children yet. Grace's is due in April, mine in May, and my pronouns are "he" and "is terrified".

Jack

C'mon, I know just the place. Let's go.

Will

Fine. I can't wait to see what filthy, depraved hellhole you're taking me to.

Karen

As long as there's a drag queen calling out Bingo numbers, I'm happy.

Karen

Honey, thank God you called!

Grace

Karen, what's wrong?

Karen

I don't know where I am! It's so dark. I think I hear a seagull, and a foghorn...

Will

Karen, hang on!

Will

We're going to trace this call.

Karen

Ha-ha, busted! Leave a message! [phone message beeps]

Grace

I fell for that yesterday.

Grace

Why would Phil go through all this? That's what I don't get.

Will

The money. They're always after the money.

Grace

Yeah, but he's so handsome, though. You'd think he could get money out of women without killing them. I mean, that body, after 40... I'd give him my debit card.

Will

Good morning. Welcome to our gender reveal breakfast. It's a big moment. We are one prick away from finding out on of the most important...

Jack

Yeah, can we move this along? Lots to do today.

Will

Sorry, we are two pricks away from finding out.