Will Truman quotes from Will & Grace

Will

Well, this is a first.

Grace

Yeah.

Will

We did say we wanted to do crazy things. To feel young.

Grace

Well, sexuality is fluid now. It's what young people do.

Will

You know what young people don't do? Say "That's what young people do".

Will

I need closure, Grace. I need to find out why he broke up with me.

Grace

You don't.

Will

It's two minutes of his time. What could go wrong in two minutes?

Grace

Ask every girl who ever got pregnant at her prom.

Will

All right, I am off to the tennis club. I know what you're thinking - didn't I already work out this morning? Yes, but if I burn off a few more calories after work, I can hit the pressed juicery. I know, those things are pure sugar, but what can I say, I love 'em.

Karen

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait - oh, my God, I didn't know this was going to be a story about juice! You know what, back it up, start at the beginning, and really drag it out this time, okay?

Grace

This is all your fault!

Will

How is this my fault?

Grace

Because you made me write down my feelings like a WASP instead of eating them like a Jew!

Grace

We are going to Schenectady.

Will

Schenectady? But that's where your family lives.

Grace

We are going there to celebrate my mom's birthday. It was her dying wish.

Will

I thought her dying wish was for you to get breast implants.

Grace

She had a lot of dying wishes.

Will

My dad always wanted me to watch golf with him.

Really? What's your handicap?

Will

That I hate golf.

Grace

I'd like to thank you again for inviting my dad.

Will

My pleasure. And thank you for inviting my mom.

Grace

Yeah. I thought when I did it, "Oh, that'll show him!" I forgot that I live here too.

Grace

Hi, I'm Grace Adler. I live in the building, and I'm running for president of the New York Society of Interior Designers. I actually designed this lobby. What's your name again?

Sharon Timmer. I've lived directly below you for 19 years. Could you move? I wanna get my mail.

Grace

Why'd you let me talk for so long?

Will

Hi, Mrs. Timmer.

Your wife is yappy and rude.

Will

That's why we never have sex.

Will

Karen, you're a gorgeous woman, and as long as that contract you signed in blood holds up, you'll be gorgeous for eternity.

Karen

If you can't trust Satan, who can you trust?

Grace

Will, you gotta help me. My dad's on the way up, and he wants me to drive to Schenectady with him.

Will

Oh, that's nice.

Grace

You know that's not "nice". Don't be that guy.

Will

Oh, how awful.

Grace

Awful? He's my father!

Will

Why don't you text me what you want me to say, and I'll read it back.

Will

Wow. If I could do that to myself, I could delete my Grindr account.

So, Grace tells me you think I'm a bit of a dick.

Will

I never said that!

I know. I'm just being a dick.

Marilyn

Will, your brother died.

Will

What?

Marilyn

He was doing his business in the neighbor's yard, and then he started shaking and just fell over.

Will

Oh my God!

Marilyn

[crying] Oh, poor Dr. Silly!

Will

[pause] Wait... your dog? I thought you meant Sam or Paul! And you made me picture them pooping in the neighbor's yard! Pooping and then dying? That's my worst fear!

Jack

William Elizabeth Truman. You put our friendship over having a one night stand with a hot guy who's on TV every night.

Will

[smiles] Yeah, I guess I did.

Jack

You dumb bitch.

Will

You and Estefan are really getting married.

Jack

Our time has come. Before I was ready to settle down, I just had to get a couple guys out of my system... then in my system... and then back out of my system.

Karen

Honey, we need to do something about your doorman. He's a little handsy.

Will

We don't have a doorman.

Karen

Ah. Well, that makes sense. What kind of doorman would test people for colon cancer?