Will Truman quotes from Will & Grace

Will

James' green card marriage fell through. He has to go back to Canada.

Grace

How awful for him! Those Canadians are so smug with their health care and their gay rights. It's easy to be like that when you're not a real country.

Jack

Hey, what's in the bag, fag?

Will

Oh. Muffins from James. Do you think it's weird that he got them by cutting in line and then lying about needing them for his dying mother?

Karen

No, not at all, honey. I mean, that's the same way we used to get bread and juice during the Great Depre...Eighties.

Grace

Man, that was a great nap. What did I miss?

Will

Tuesday.

Will

[of a man who rejected Jack] The only reason you're in different leagues is because he's a creep. You're way above him. You're in a league of your own.

Jack

I love that movie. It took place in such an innocent time...when Madonna was still relevant and Rosie was still funny.

There's my son! [He and Will embrace] Look at you! Are there any clothes you can't wear?

Will

Well...Mom's clothes. We talked about that when I was 10, remember?

Will

Hey, guys. We would have got here sooner, but my Aunt Joanne lost her keys. Turns out she dropped them into the casket. Why she chose to reorganize her purse up there is beyond me.

Marilyn

I mean, George didn't even like her. And now he has to spend the rest of eternity lying next to her Pathmark grocery card and rape whistle.

Grace

Thanks for interrupting my sex dream just as Ang Lee and I were getting out of the pool.

Will

A sex dream about Ang Lee? What was that like?

Grace

Slow-paced, but visually stunning.

Jack

Wow, this baby name book is really great. Ooh, here's a pretty one: Clitorissa.

Will

That's Clarissa!

Jack

Oh, well, that's just gross.

Grace

Have another drink.

Will

Have another donut.

Grace

Fag!

Will

Hag!

Grace

Screw you.

Will

You wish.

Grace

You couldn't!

Will

Not because I'm gay. Because you're hideous!

Karen

You're not still living together, are you?

Will

No! Well, she's living here right now...

Grace

Staying here. For just a couple of weeks until the dust settles.

Jack

On your genitals?

Grace

On my divorce.

Jack

Because of your genitals?

Jack

I don’t work today! It’s so expected. You’re my lawyer - get me out of this.

Will

In the case of McFarland v. Reality, the Supreme Court ruled: Grow Up.

Will

Wow, Elliot, look at you. You're a real Texan.

Yeah. I drink Kool-Aid and I don't separate church and state.

Will

I am done with Christmas! Who feels like celebrating anyway, with all the crap going on nowadays?

Jack

I don't understand you, Will. This is the one time a year when fat people are supposed to be jolly.

Will

It's not going to snow. There's no such thing as miracles. Christmas is for spoiled rich kids. And Santa is just another old white perv we once trusted.

Grace

Oh, my God, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you.

Will

I was downstairs wringing the Christmas goose.

Grace

Don't you think you should do that in private?

Jack

Don't mind me, I just need to get a few things. I'm entertaining a gaggle of gays across the hall.

Will

I believe the correct term is "a giggle of gays".

Jack

Ah, she stands corrected. Grace, where's your shame pizza?

Grace

I do not have...

Jack

Grace...

Grace

Vegetable drawer.

Jack

[examining the pizza] This is a pepperoni pizza, but there's no pepperoni, just crop circles of cheese...

Grace

IT CAME THAT WAY!