Carmen quotes from Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

Head for Kyoto. When you see fire on a mountain in the shape of a symbol for big, you'll know you're there.

Sounds like fun. What's the occasion?

It's the Daimonji festival. The end of the Bon season. When the spirits of the dead return to earth.

Geez, sounds kinda scary to us, Carmen.

Don't worry, it's a celebration.

Hey, celebration's our middle name.

Chief

(refers to the St. Charles Streetcar Line) Take a ride. It's absolutely stellar. (imitates Marlon Brando) Stella. Stella! STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Chief

This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, and remember, if you get robbed, don't worry, Jack. We'll find your stuff and give it back!

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's barbaric batch of baboons have struck again. This time, it was a case of Mexican mayhem in the Gulf of California. Eons ago, the peninsula of Baja California broke loose from what is now Mexico and drifted northwest, leaving a few islands in its wake. One of them is a beachcomber's paradise named Carmen. The island is home to beaches, wildlife, an abandoned saltworks, and only one man. He looks after the deserted town of Salinas. But today, the population doubled when Vic the Slick slithered ashore. His boss's birthday is coming up and he figured an island named Carmen would be the perfect gift. Stealing it was the easy part. Wrapping it will be tough. Your mission, gumshoes: show Vic he's not so slick, return the island of Carmen to Mexico, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

They're on to you, Vic. Hide Carmen Island on Devil's Island in South America.

You mean the famous prison?

It's not a prison anymore. Now tourists go there believe it or not, and it's in the same place that the launch site used by the European space program.

I didn't know Europe was puttin' people in orbit.

Not people. Satellites. The space program is run as a business. They launch satellites for companies and other nations.

A space business, huh? Geez, those frequent flier miles must really add up.

Okay, gumshoes. Look for Vic in Asir National Park. There's hiking, cool temperatures, and mountain scenery, and it's a Mideast nation with one of the world's largest deserts. The desert's about the size of France, but so hot and so dry that almost no one goes there. No wonder Vic headed for the hills, but you gotta keep the heat on.

(each time Carmen Island is revealed in the 2nd round)

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her mob of mulish miscreants have marauded again. The dirty deed was done in Deutschland. Begun in the 1930s, the Autobahn was the world's first attempt at creating a national highway system. Today, it winds some 10,000 miles throughout Germany, and is thought to be the only major highway in the world without a speed limit. Well, today, Top Grunge grind his way to Germany and got a grip on the famous roadway. It will be sad faces and slow driving all over the land until their beloved Autobahn is returned. Gumshoes, your mission is to release the Autobahn from bondage, topple Top Grunge, and then capture crime queen Carmen Sandiego.

Wow. What a great road. No speed limit! (laughs)

Stop laughing and start leaving, asphalt breath. I want you to haul the highway to N'Djamena. It's the capital of a landlocked African nation.

I don't know, Carmen. Ain't there a war goin' on?

No. The Muslim nomads in the north and the non-Muslim farmers in the south used to fight each other, but that's over. If the city's too risky, head north to the mountains of the Sahara Desert. And get a camel their blanket. It's cold there.

Sounds kinda itchy, Carmen. You know how sensitive my skin is.

That's only because you never washed it.

'Scuse me just one moment. I think I'm getting a message from Kafka. (sets off for The Roach Hotel) Let's check into The Roach Hotel.

Greg, hi. You caught me eating lunch. Anyway, Grunge is on a Peninsula in the Atlantic. Where birds from all over stop on their way south every year. Humans seem to like it, too. The town on the Peninsula's tip is full of lovely Victorian boarding houses and Hotels. The birds like it. The humans like it, but it just isn't damp and stinky enough for a roach like me. Speaking of damp and stinky, I love these things. They're awful.

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's pack of pusillanimous punks has prowled again. This time, they clinched their criminal claws around a statue in the African nation in Togo. A monument to a plane wreck might seem strange, but it's one of the main attractions in the town of Sarakawa, Togo. It marks the spot where a plane carrying president Eyadema crashed under very suspicious circumstances in 1974. The president survived the crash and erected and imposing statue of himself at the site. It shows him pointing to the ground and saying, "They almost killed me here." It stood in defiance of the president's enemies until today when Wonder Rat, Carmen's whiskered and witless wannabe, took his tawdry tights to Togo, detached the statue, and scampered away. He left an inflatable Wonder Rat doll in its place. Your mission, gumshoes: snap the trap shut on Wonder Rat, return Edadema's statue to Togo, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Chief

(after Wonder Rat's profile) He's so desperate to promote himself, he'd pose for the photo on a box of rat poison.

ACME's about to trap you. Head for a city whose population went from 0 to 10,000 in one day.

Holy cheese! Why do they hurry?

Because the US government was giving the land away. It's in a state that was called Indian Territory until it was open for settlement. At noon on April 22, 1889, gunshots were fired. That was the signal for thousands of people to charge in and state their claims.

So, the government took Indian Territory and gave it away to other people? Nyah, that's stealin'.

You oughta know, Cheesemeister. Now, move.

Chief

This marker stands at the southernmost point in the US outside of Hawaii, and-- Oh, now, will you look at that? What? See those two names on top? Someone has thoughtlessly put graffiti on it. Let's try to get a closer look on them. (the camera zooms up closer to the top of the marker) Focus on them. Uh,-- Oh, yes. Sue and Janet. Well, I can't quite make out the last name. Well, Sue and Janet, if you're watching this show, how does it feel to have 5,000,000 people know you have defaced public property?

(to the tune of the Bee-Gee's "Stayin' Alive"; when the statue is revealed) Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive!

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her brood of bombastic brats have burgled again. This time, they struck in Mudgeeraba, Australia. Now this simple but ingenious device, gumshoes, is a boomerang. Now if you throw it right, it should return to you. Now the boomerang was originally used by Australia's aborigines for hunting warfare and ceremonies. Well, nowadays, it's a popular toy and a souvenir for anyone who visits down under, and this factory in Mudgeeraba, Queensland turns out thousands of them a year. Or it did until this morning when that rustbucket Robocrook marauded to Mudgeeraba and bagged every last boomerang. Gumshoes, your assignment is to wrangle Robocrook, bounce those boomerangs back where they belong, and then catch Carmen Sandiego.

Carmen, ACME is closing in. Send me somewhere safe.

Head for the city of Göteborg by the North Sea. It's in a country where peace and safety are a way of life. It's in the nation of Doug Hammershald, who founded the UN Peacekeeping Force in the middle east.

So, it's peaceful, but is it safe?

Violence is a no-no. It's even illegal for parents to spank their children.

So, the Gumshoes can't spank me?

No, but they can still bust you. Keep out of sight.

Robocrook transmitting from a correctional institute. Carmen Sandiego presently located in South America. Ta-ta.

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's mob of mendacious mutants has struck again. This time, they dipped their duplicitous ditches in San Antonio, Texas. In 1836, the Alamo was a site of an epic battle during Texas' war for independence from Mexico. For 12 long days, about 190 Texans held off an attack by thousands of Mexican soldiers. But on the 13th day, the Alamo was stormed and the Texan defenders were killed. When we say "Remember the Alamo," it's their brave fight we recall. But now, this Texas landmark is just a memory because the Alamo has disappeared. Robocrook, that pile of pilfering processes, stormed San Antonio, lassoed the Alamo, then hauled it away. Your mission, gumshoes: short circuit Robocrook, return the Alamo to Texas, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Robo, the gumshoes are after you. Head for a country just south of Chad.

Orders acknowledged. Will I encounter communication problems, due to numerous tribal languages?

Not here. There're more than 80 different ethnic groups living together, but many speak a common language called Sango.

Ah, good. I've learned Sango in high school. Could you suggest a location for food?

Of course. Try the restaurant in the city of Bangui. You'll find everything from cooked monkeys to warthogs.

Just a nice simple dish of axle grease would suffice.

(each time the Alamo is revealed)

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's gang of globe-trotting goons has glommed again. This time, the scene of the crime was Brussels, Belgium, the beautiful city of Renaissance, architecture, great food, and bilingual citizens. But nothing catches a fancy of Brussels visitors like this fountain. With this bronzed statue of a little boy answering the call on May 5. Seriously, the fountain was built in 1619 by a sculptor named Jérôme Duquesnoy. This statue, or manneken as they say in Dutch, is real proof that different cultures find different things offensive, while some societies, perhaps even people in our own, would find this little guy horribly crass and tried to have him destroyed. But in Belgium, he's just an object of whimsical humor. They sell little squirting souvenirs on these streets, and whenever there's a holiday or festival, city workers dress him up in a new custom tailored outfit. Well, today he was abducted. Top Grunge, that grimy greaseball with a permanent cold, bagged him in broad daylight. Gumshoes, here's your mission: get Grunge, reinstate the statue, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Hey, Carmen, this statue's leavin' a trail!

Head for Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming and hide the statue behind the famous geyser.

What's a geyser?

A hole in the earth that spits out water and steam. It's generated by red-hot magma beneath the earth's surface.

I don't know, Carmen. Didn't they have a huge forest fire a few years back?

Don't worry. If it happens again, the mountains can help put it out. And you'll love the geyser, Grunge. It smells like sulfur.

What does sulfur smell like?

Rotten eggs. Just like you.

Carmen, that's the nicest thing you ever said to me. (sneezes)

Chief

This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? and remember: It's not a brag, it's not a bolt, we turn criminals into pulp.

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her slew of sleazy slugs have struck again. This time, they did the illicit action in Illinois. Metropolis, Illinois built itself as a hometown of Clark Kent A.K.A. Superman. Back in the 1940s, when the DC Comics superhero first became famous, the folks in Metropolis noticed that their city has the same name as Superman's fictional city. Years later, they turned coincidence into opportunity by jumping into the roadside attraction business. Now, Metropolis boasts the only official Superman phone booth, Superman billboard, water tower, and annual celebrations. It's even got a newspaper called, you guessed it, the Metropolis Planet. But it was dire headlines today when Wonder Rat, in a bit of medium-mongering jealousy, stole the entire city. He says he won't release it until every last image of Clark Kent is replaced with his own heroic visions. They'll be illing in Illinois until Metropolis is returned. Gumshoes, this cannot be tolerated. Your mission is to round up the rat, get the city of Metropolis back to the city of Metropolis, and then catch that burg-burgling bigwig Carmen Sandiego.

Nyah, I'm thinkin' of changin' the name of this town I stole. How does Ratopolis sound?

How does jail sound? ACME's about to nab you. Head for Monrovia, the capital of a West African nation that's home to one of the world's largest fleets of privately owned ships.

Yeah, yeah, right. Ship owners all over the world register there, 'cause they charge low taxes and lenient regulations. Say, I could use a nice rat-cruise.

Forget it. You've got to hide. Head into the rainforest and disguise yourself as a Pygmy Hippo. This is one of the few parts of Africa where they live.

Gee, I don't know Carmen. Wonder-Dwarf-Pygmy-Hippo-Rat? It just doesn't roll off the tongue.

Hmmm, no it doesn't.

(each time Metropolis is revealed in the 2nd round)

Chief

Carmen Sandiego and her school of scurrilous scallywags have struck again. This time, they took a pop shot at Paris, France. The meeting by the emperor Napoleon, the splendor of Arc de Triomphe was built to honor the French army. Napoleon's fortunes didn't last long, but the Arc has lived on. Until last night, that is when Eartha Brute, that brawny burglar, barged up the trophied masse and snarked up the Arc. There will be darkness in the City of Light until their beloved monument is returned. Gumshoes, your mission is to bag the brute, return the Arc to Paris, and then put an end to Carmen Sandiego's career in crime.

Chief

(After Eartha's profile) She's a cross trainer, a weight gainer, and a no brainer.

Carmen, how long do I have to carry this Arc around?

Quit whining. ACME's on your tail, Brute. I want you to hide the Arc behind the Barrier Reef off the caribbean coast of Central America. Then, head inland where the Howler Monkeys live.

How do I find them?

They sound like this. (makes monkey sounds) You can hear their cry almost a mile away.

Hey, sounds like my brother.

For our next clue we turn to James Avery, an informant from ACME Shredder-Net. Watch.

Pssst. Gumshoes, Eartha's in a Chinese city, on the eastern bank of the Yangtze River. It's a site that's been inhabited for thousands of years. Twice this century, the city was capital of China, but not anymore. Now it's a bustling commercial center that's capital of Jiangsu Province. That's all I know. Good luck. Get outta here!

Thanks, James. Robert, do you recognize him? Cartoons? Shredder. Shredder everybody.

Prankster of Paris!

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her army of anti-social aardvarks has struck again. This time, they vandalized the green valleys and verdant meadows of New Zealand. First severed by Polynesian people, now called Māori about 1,000 years ago, the islands of New Zealand were colonized by the British in 1840. And they brought some very important friends: sheep. Why are sheep important in New Zealand? I'll tell you. Okay, it's the 19th century. England's farmland is shrinking while its population is growing. "Hmm," England says, "how do we feed these folks? Hey! We got New Zealand, a huge colony crawling with sheep, but it's 13,000 miles away. Well, I guess we'll just have to develop refrigeration. Yes!" So they froze the sheep, tipped them halfway around the world, and everyone was happy. England had food, New Zealand had a major industry. Now if you can just freeze Carmen and send it to Mars... well, anyway. Yesterday, Vic the Slick, disguised as Little Bo Peep, rounded up 65 million of the cloven hoofed critters and herded them away. Every last sheep from Wellington to Waikawa is gone, gone, gone. Now gumshoes, here's your mission: vanquish Vic, shag the sheep home, and then corral that criminal Carmen Sandiego.

All this bleepin' bleatin' is givin' me a headache, Carmen.

Take two aspirin and scram before ACME makes mutton out of you.

(sings when the Sheep are revealed in the second round) Little lost lambies!

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's swarm of sorted sociopaths has struck again. This time, they convened a criminal conclave in Nairobi, Kenya. Nairobi has become one of Africa's leading international cities, and the gleaming Kenyatta Conference Center helped pave the way. Named for former president Jomo Kenyatta and opened in the early '70s, this 28-story building was home to the U.N.'s first African headquarters. These days, its fine facilities hosts a wide-range of conventions and conferences from around the world. And from the top-floor viewing deck, you can see the entire city of Nairobi stretched out before you. But today, meetings were abruptly adjourned when the Kenyatta Conference Center disappeared. Wonder Rat, Carmen's scruffy scheming scallywag, snatched the center then made a hasting retreat. He plans to use it as a centerpiece of his very own resort, Ratlantic City. Your mission, gumshoes: whisk that whiskered Wonder to jail, return the Kenyatta Conference Center to Nairobi, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

(to everyone in ACME Control Net, who are asleep, via noxious gas) C'mon, it's a big joke, right? HEY! Big jo--! (he then comes up with an idea) LUNCH!

Hey, you guys! You guys! Hey! You guys! You guys! HEY!

I was jokin'!

Head for a national park with one of the world's biggest volcanoes. Native Americans called it Tahoma.

Aw, a huge volcano? Gee, Carmen, I hope you're not trying to get rid of me!

Relax. There hasn't been a major eruption for about 2,000 years. These days it's home to the largest single-peak glacial system in the U.S. outside of Alaska.

Tahoma, huh? I never heard of it.

That's because it was renamed by a British explorer. He called it Mount Rainier.

Hey. If he can rename it, then I can rename it. How about Mount Ratnier? (giggles)

Hmmm...I don't think so!

(after Rockapella's parody of the Supremes' "Why Do Fools Fall in Love") Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen! Along with Lisa Price! Give 'em a round of applause!

(after Rockapella chases Lisa before the Chase) Lisa Price, with Rockapella.

Darwin Research Station. (Shoeprints are revealed)

Nothing!

No. Thank you. Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen.

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her team of twisted twerps have struck again. This time, they bullied their way to Binghamton, New York. Binghamton is the home of WSKG-TV, a member station of PBS. From its studios, WSKG serves 21 counties in New York and Pennsylvania. Other TV networks are owned by big corporations, but PBS is a joint venture of its 341 member stations. Local stations like WSKG produce both community, oriented, and national programs, and they raise a significant portion of their money through membership drive. SKG has been a PBS member since 1968. But now, Binghamton is PBS-less because Wonder Rat, that sniveling superhero wannabe, stole the station. He plans to turn it into RTV, Rat Television, 24 hours a day, written, directed, and starring himself. Gumshoes, there will be no more PBS in the 21 counties until the station is returned. You've got to round up that rat, free SKG, and then catch Carmen Sandiego.

Hey! When that rat stole the station, he stole me with it! He holds the station south, just across the Rio Grande. We're getting T.V. shows from a network called Televisa. It's huge! They've got 4 national channels, lots of original programming, and even some American T.V. shows dubbed with Spanish voices. I hope you get this tape, Gumshoes. Remember, (forms the ACME Triangle of Excellence with his hands) Vigilance, Dedication, Courage. Now, get me outta here!

Yeah! So, Carmen, this is great! I'll have my network goin' in no time.

ACME's on to you. Head for the home of Chennai Cheetah Studios.

Yeah, Yeah. Where Federico Fellini directed his movies. He could do my life story. We'll call it La Dolce Vita Rat On. That means this sweet ratlife.

I know what it means. Just lay low and stay away from the reconte vershoto.

Yeah, Yeah. I gotta watch my weight in these tight space. Maybe I could market a diet drink. Maybe?

God o mina. Move!

And, uh, maybe not.

(each time WSKG is revealed in the 2nd round)

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's ring of ruthless racketeers have struck again. This time, they struck in Southern California. The Colorado River Aqueduct is a man-made waterway. It runs from the Colorado River's Parker Dam on the Arizona border to Los Angeles, California, 235 miles away. It's a cheap source of water for 14 and a half million people in the Los Angeles area. If it weren't for aqueducts, the endless suburbs of L.A. would still be once were: a part desert. But now, these wanted waters roar no more. Vic the Slick, Carmen's showcase of bad taste, has corralled its currents. Armed with an atomic Shop-Vac, he sucked up the water and took it away. Your mission, gumshoes: cut Vic to the quick, return the river to its rightful bed, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Vic, ACME's after you. Hide the river in a sea where you'll find the Greek Archipelago. It was home to Europe's first known great civilization.

Hey, Carmen, what makes 'em so great?

The Minoan culture on Crete goes back about 5,000 years. At a time when most Europeans were still living in the Stone Age, the Minoans were master artists and builders who used a decimal number system and created a form of writing.

Eh, that's pretty good, but no culture is truly great without polyester.

You're hopeless, Vic. Just get moving.

Ladies and gentlemen, Elliott has left the building.

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's nest of nefarious ne'er-do-wells has struck again. This time, they scammed the sands from a beach in Brazil. For the residents of Rio de Janeiro, the beach is the place to see and be seen. (Rockapella sings "The Girl From Ipanema) And that song you're hearing, The Girl From Ipanema, made the beach in Rio's Ipanema neighborhood the most famous of all. Nestled between the Atlantic and a beautiful lagoon, you'll find white sands, wild waves, and beautiful people all surrounded by some of the highest priced real estate in South America. But now the girls of Ipanema have stopped walking because the beach is no more. Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's sweetfaced scoundrel, surfed in, scarfed up the sands, and sambaed away. Your mission, gumshoes: put Patty in the pin, return the beach to Ipanema, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Patty, they're after you. Head for one of the states where Yellowstone National Park is found. Hide out in the Silent City of Rocks.

Gee, Carmen, it sounds kind of spooky.

Don't worry. It's just a granite formation. Pioneers in the 1800s thought the rocks look like a city. You can still see their names written on the granite, and legend says a bandit hid $90,000 in stolen gold nearby.

Wow! A bandit! I feel right at home. Has anyone ever found the gold?

Not yet. Bring a metal detector.

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's mob of militant malefactors have marauded again. This time, they struck Istanbul, Turkey. Begun in the middle of the 15th century, Topkapi Palace was home to the ruling Sultans of the Ottoman Empire for almost four centuries. Today, Topkapi houses one of Turkey's finest museums. Amongst the riches displayed there is the turban of Suleiman the Magnificent, the Ottoman warrior, lawmaker, and statesman, whose picture can be seen in the U.S. Capitol Building. But now, Suleiman's topper has been taken. That flashy fleecer Vic the Slick, always on the lookout for an expensive-looking fashion accessory, crept in and cribbed it. Your mission, gumshoes: outslick the Vic, recapture the turban of Suleiman, and then bring Carmen Sandiego to justice.

Vic, they're on to you. Head north of the Arctic Circle to Auyuittuq National Park. It's in a Canadian district.

G-G-Geez, Carmen, sounds a little c-c-cold.

A little cold? Auyuittuq is an Inuit word that means "the land that never melts". The ground freezes at 1,000 feet down. I hear there are no trees at all.

Sounds like I'll have the joint to myself.

Nope. It's home to the Inuit and Dene people. It was named for an Englishman who got lost there, looking for a passage from the Atlantic to the Pacific.

Lost, huh? Eh, couldn't I just go to Baltimore?

Sorry, bub. Get out your polyester earmuffs.