And this is Eartha Brute, that brainless bruiser from Carmen's barge full of burglars.
(singing) Eartha Brute, huh
Her last known whereabouts: Copenhagen, Denmark. Ah, Copenhagen's Tivoli Park at night, oh, the lights thousands in every color, and the music, there's a classical concert hall, a downstairs jazz club, an oriental theater, and the food, more than 25 restaurants serving everything from traditional Danish cuisine to quick snacks. I love the place, and I am livid because today, Eartha Brute, cruising through Copenhagen, trucked into Tivoli. The brass bands, bumper cars, and bright lights all beckoned to her so she burgled the whole batch. Gumshoes, you've got to relieve this...
Eartha, those ACME agents are closing in. Head for a historical city in Japan.
(gasps) A hysterical city, Carmen?! Why are they so upset?
I said historical city, Eartha! No one's upset! There are hundreds of shrines there and millions of Japanese tourists visit every year.
Jeez, they come all the way from Japan? That place must be really special.
Earth to Eartha! This place is in Japan! Now, just get going to Honshū Island.
Carmen, have you been under a lot of stress lately?
(at the end of the 1st round) Uh, big problems here, Greg. Uh, we're out of ACME Travel Kits.
GGreg
Well, Chief, isn't there anything you can do? Huh?
GGreg
But what about the hologram? You could use the hologram!
(gasps) That's a great idea!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Havana, Cuba)
(coughs) Aren't we a little conspicuous driving these?
GGreg
Ah, Chief, she'll never see us comin'.
(coughs) Yeah, but she'll see the dust a mile away.
(as the gumshoes have been struggling to find The Warrant in the 2nd round)
GGreg
Oh! (crowd screams) You have the Loot! You have the Warrant! Do you remember where Eartha is?!
CCollin
The Ice Cream Parlor.
GGreg
(to the board) Is she still at Coppelia Ice Cream Parlor?!
(Eartha is revealed)
(singing) Eartha Brute! HUH! BABALOO!!!
And this is Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's twinkling teenage terrorist.
Her last known whereabouts: the world's transportation system. Over the last 30 years or so, airports and train stations around the world have adopted roughly the same set of sign pictures to assist their evermore international flow of passengers. The international transportation-related symbols can help you tell a denwa from a zōn. Or they did until today when Patty Larceny made a mad dash through every airport in the world and stole all the symbols. She also wrapped up a huge load of frequent flyer miles. Gumshoes, here's your job: capture Carmen, put Patty in the pokey, and bring back those symbols...
...SIGNED, STEALED, AND DELIVERED!
I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in Europe.
GGreg
Everybody, repeat after me! It's time...!
AAudience
Carmen Sandiego!
GGreg
I said it's time...!
AAudience
Carmen Sandiego!
And this is Patty Larceny, that terrible teenager from Carmen's court of creeps.
Her last known whereabouts: Chincoteague Island, Virginia. Chincoteague Island's fame come from a herd of wild ponies. Most of the year, the ponies live across the channel on nearby Assateague Island, but every July, ponies from Assateague wild herds are rounded up, driven across the channel to Chincoteague, and sold at auction. The ones that aren't sold swim back to Assateague the next day. This tradition dates back more than 65 years. Until today, that is when Patty Larceny crashed the auction with her Pony Patty Wagon and filched every foal and filly. Gumshoes, you got to ride to the rescue, pinch Patty, corral Carmen Sandiego, and put an end to...
A horse is a horse, of course, of course!
(Patty tells Gabriel to go to North America)
GGabriel
I don't know. I couldn't hear her.
GGreg
Well, I have a pretty good idea we're going to North America. NORTH AMERICA! CHIEF!
Carmen Sandiego's high-class, high-crime heist committer. Her last known whereabouts: Natchez, Mississippi. While many of the South Grand homes were destroyed during the Civil War, dozens of mansions around Natchez survived. So in 1932, the Natchez Garden Club hosted the first spring pilgrimage to these homes, twice each year. Pre-Civil War estates are open to the public. Women in 19th-century dress greet tourists who come from an up close look at an era gone by, an era of luxury and slavery. But today, those mansions got mooched when the Contessa decided to shoot the breeze. Gumshoes, that swell-smelling felon is contempt on selling the dwellings. You've got to stop her and solve today's crime...
...CROOK SNATCHES NATCHEZ!
(the warrant panel falls off, and Greg runs over to put it back in place)
GGreg
(laughing) Let me get that.
GGreg
That's OK. Just remember, folks: it's member dollars of yours that keep us on the air every day.
An uppity upper-crust up to no gooder who uproots loot for Carmen Sandiego. Her last known whereabouts: Manaus, Brazil. The mysterious part of the Amazon rainforest, home to strange plants, unusual animals, and a turn of the century opera house. Built when Manaus was a rich center of the booming rubber trade, the Teatro Amazonas once attracted opera lovers from around the world. But when the boom times left Manaus, so did opera. The theater was almost silent from 1907 until 1990. That's when an ambitious renovation ended which restored Teatro Amazonas to its past glory. But today, the fat lady stopped singing again. The Contessa, that swanky silent of sneak, swept in, set her sights, and then swooped down. A smoky cloud provided a shroud while she tied up the Teatro. Now she's hidden it in a secret location where she listens to her very own opera, "The Contessa Cantata." Gumshoes, I'm declaring today's case...
Contessa, go to a mountainous country on the Adriatic Sea. Until recently, brutal dictators kept it one of the most isolated nations on earth.
Carmen, darling I can get isolation in prison! Don't you have a more inspired chore?
You want inspiration? Then, learn about Besa. When people in this country give their word, their Besa, they do almost anything not to break it.
Oh, honesty is so boring. Surely there is something for me to do.
Well, the country does have some of the world's largest Chromite deposits. You can kill time checking out your reflection.
(at the end of the 1st round) And our ACME Voice Identification Badge and Leave A Message Wallet. (opens it up, revealing an image of the Contessa) It's our secret weapon in a fight against Carmen and her gang, right? (presses a button)
(on recorder) Right. Well, sorta.
Sorta-- Sorta?! Oh, I'm not paying you to say sorta! Greg!
GGreg
(as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Honshu Island, Japan) Work. Okay, guys, time for us to go off--
Greg, would you please take that jacket to the cleaners?! That ketchup stain's been on there since last season.
GGreg
She does have a point. You guys ready to go? We're goin' to Sado. Come on. Grab the hat. Out the door. Somebody grab me! I got the Chief! We're goin' to Sado.
GGreg
(while traveling) Well, Chief, I did it. I rounded up a posse.
Next time, Greg, uh, let's try it with live horses.
Prison life is so uncivilized! 600 cells and not a room service menu in sight! Tell Carmen this is more than I can bear. She went to North America.
He's synthetic. He's magnetic. But most of all, he's pathetic. His last known whereabouts: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Greater Pittsburgh's Kennywood Amusement Park has been called the roller coaster capital of the world. If you want a fast reason why, check out the Steel Phantom. In 1991, the Steel Phantom opened at the world's biggest and fastest roller coaster. It hits speed at 80 miles an hour and plunges over 200 feet off a cliff, guaranteed to make you scream your lungs out. Using computers and the latest poster technology, the Steel Phantom includes a vertical loop, a boomerang configuration, and a partial corkscrew, guaranteed to make me lose my lunch. But if you really wanna get queasy, check out what happened today. Robocreep coasted into Kennywood, then rocked the rails, and zapped the tracks from under the Phantom. After finishing the filch with his magnetic amusement moocher, that tinhead reopened the ride at his Robocoaster theme park. Gumshoes, find that phantom and solve today's case...
...STEEL FELON STEALS STEEL PHANTOM!
GGreg
(after the office segment) You know, I gotta tell you, it's kinda embarassing having two grown people actin' like that about a silly little dog movie. (laughs) ("Frou-Frou" starts barking) (runs back to the office) FROU-FROU!!! FROU-FROU!!!
Get that coaster rolling to the capital of Morocco. Look for Couscous and Harira.
Those words are not in my database.
They're Arabic words from Morocco's spicy soups and stews. People there also eat Pigeon Pie and salads with liver and lamb brains.
Those foods are not in my database.
Robo, not everyone thinks gear oil is fine dining. People have different tastes. Some Moroccans have different table manners, too. They think metal utensils taste bad and carry germs, so they eat with their fingers, instead.
Carmen, what will I do? My fingers are metal utensils.
GGreg
(as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Kathmandu Valley, Nepal) Thank you, Buddy. Okay, guys, time for us to go to Kathmandu Valley--
Oh, Greg, watch out! You're wiping your jacket on my nose!
GGreg
I'm sorry! Gee whiz. Okay, guys, ready to go? You got the hat. You got the door. I got the Chief. We are on our way to Kathmandu.
(while traveling) Greg, if we could ski on this, we can ski on anything.
GGreg
Good thing, Chief. The hot lava fields are just ahead.
RoboCrook Unit-059 calling. According to my default program, when imprisoned for more than 11 seconds, I automatically rat on my owner. Look for Carmen in South America.
Acts crude, smells even cruder, his stuffy nose needs Roto-Rooter. His last known whereabouts: Zimbabwe. The massive black rhinoceros has roamed Africa for 60 million years. Rhinoceros means nose horn and the black rhino has two that it uses to protect itself. Those horns grow up to three feet long and that makes the black rhino a target for illegal hunters. The horns fetch a high price on the black market where they're often sold to make strange medicines and dagger handles. Hunted to near-extinction, there are fewer than 500 black rhinos left in Zimbabwe. Until today, that is...
...when the count struck to naught, Top Grunge zipped into Zimbabwe looking for a new gang to ride with. He regaled the rhinos with tales of his travels so the rhinos decided to hit the road, then like a putrid pied piper, Grunge heisted every last horn. Gumshoes, you've got to round up that rhino rustler and solve today's case...
Would you come in here, please?
GGreg
Yeah, Chief. I'll be right there. Lemme check with the Chief. I'll meet you guys out in the alley in just a moment. You guys come with me (enters the office) Chief, what's up?
There's something wrong with my darn desk! I can't get any work done! Watch this.
(she picks up a pencil and drops it on the desk)
See? I does that whenever I try to touch it. Look. (touches her desk)
GGreg
Absolutely. Chief, let me tell you somethin'. (pulls out a stethoscope) It just so happens that I happen to be a board certified deskinarian specializing in desktop medicine.
GGreg
I'm a deskinarian. And I'll tell you what. From what I've heard right now, your desk is in a lotta pain.
Why would my desk be in pain?
GGreg
It could be you know one of many reasons, Chief, but I'll tell you, I'm not gonna waste anymore time. I'm gonna take a look if you don't mind. (places the stethoscope on the desk) Uh, cough please. (the Chief coughs) Not you. I'm talkin' to the--
(the voice coughs)
Oh! Oh, this is ridiculous. Oh, better do the contest or we'll be here forever. (does the contest rules)
(the desk arises)
GGreg
Aha, Chief! (the desk has moving legs) I think I've found the problem. You wanna come down here and take a look? Uh-huh. Let me get that. Here, take a look at this. Right here. (shows a thistle) See that? It's a needle.
Looks like a thistle to me.
GGreg
You're neddle a thistle the thing I have to do here is the same. (pulls out the thistle) All right, that should feel better, boy. I want you to go home and stay in bed for 3 days.
(the desk walks off)
Why did you send it home?!
GGreg
Chief, it just had major surgery. You can't expect it to go right back to work, and I'll tell you what else. I would get a nice get well card if I were you. Because everyone knows desks have feelings, too. (hands the Chief the thistle and exits the office leaving the Chief crawling while looking for a desk)
(singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)
A couple of fellas with hair full of JELL-O who smell-a more swell-a than Rockapella. Their last known whereabouts: the West Indies. About 90 miles south of Miami, Florida lies the Caribbean Island of Cuba. The first Cubans were Indian peoples and the name comes from an Indian word, Cubanacan. Later, Europeans arrived bringing disease and slavery, and the native population largely vanished. Nowadays, most Cubans are of Spanish or African descent, and Cuban culture is an exciting mix of these two influences. Thousands of Cubans fled the country after Fidel Castro took power, but many dream of returning to Cuba when he's gone. At least they did until today...
...when beneath the high seas lurked those lowlifes Double Trouble in their super snarking submarine. They scoped the Cuban coast, liked what they saw, punched in the coordinates, and grabbed it with their claw. Well, both claws really. Now those bad beach boys have a prime place to party hearty. Gumshoes, there's no dancing around today's case...
...THE CUBA MISSING CRISIS!
(as Cuba is first revealed in the 2nd round) (off-key a bit) Havana Vanish!
GGreg
(laughs) You guys wanna hit that one more time?
(on-key again) Havana Vanish!
We were partners in crime. We should be cellmates in jail, but the warden wants to split up this dream team. Carmen's layin' low in North America. Tell 'er she's gotta help!
Rockapella (singing): Robocrook
Has no grace. He's a lummox built with two cast-iron stomachs. His last known whereabouts: cyberspace. Cyberspace is the place where people communicate over computer networks and the mother of all networks is called the Internet. The Internet links thousands of smaller networks and millions of computer users in dozen of countries. People go online for everything from doing research to sending electronic mail to just plain chatting. You can even tour the White House on the Internet, all from your home computer. The possibilities are literally endless. Or they were until today...
Rockapella (singing): Oh, no!
...when Robocrook took a peek at an unsuspecting geek and got an idea for a heinous high-tech heist. He blasted into orbit, plugged into a satellite, then intercepted the entire Internet. The world's wireheads wigged when their monitors frazzed, and now every bit and byte are in that two-bit burglar's brain. Gumshoes, it's up to you to solve today's system glitch...
Rockapella (singing): Woo-woo-ooo-oo
...TAKE A BYTE OUT OF CRIME!
Robo, lay low on an island that borders the Coral Sea. Whatever you do, don't pet the birds.
How can I get in touch with my warm human side if you keep me away from coddling critters?
You wouldn't want to get in touch with some pitohuis. It's the world's first known poisonous bird. Contact with it's feathers or skin causes a numbing sensation.
Like watching reruns of Star Trek?
More like getting pins and needles. Scientists thought the pitohui's bright feathers were meant to attract mates, but now believe they maybe a warning against the poison.
Which reminds me, Carmen. It's time to change my anti-freeze.
GGreg
Old Cowtown Museum. (Shoeprints are revealed)
GGreg
Eisenhower Library. (Shoeprints are revealed)
(as Robo is first revealed) (imitates a buzzer sound) Robocrook! Robocrook! Robo--
(crowd gasps)
GGreg
I'm sorry, that's-- (laughs) Surprised Rockapella on that one.
GGreg
(a puppet appears with the phone) Oh, hey, look at that! A puppet! (the puppet nods its head, gives Greg the phone, and leaves) Thank you, Mr. Puppet. Hey! Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on a second. We just got this phone from the puppet. (hands Lauren the phone) There ya go.
A virus has infected my system's software. It causes me to divulge Carmen's location. You'll find her in North America. Please! Don't say that I sent you.
An ironclad cad with titanium in his cranium. His last known whereabouts: Mitad del Mundo, Ecuador. Mitad del Mundo means middle of the world. That's because it lies on the Equator, the imaginary line dividing Earth's northern and southern hemispheres. Visitors love to share across the Equator or stand in one foot with each hemisphere, and they usually visit the Equatorial Monument, a 90-foot stone pedestal with a giant globe on top. They can check out the view from the observation deck and look at exhibits about Ecuador's native people. Or they could until today...
...when Robocrook took the night off from his cyborg bowling league, and bowled a frame at the monument. But when his strike shot failed, Robo struck back and spared no effort to snarker that marker. Now that pinhead's setting head pins at his stolen bowl-o-rama. Gumshoes, only you can keep today's case out of the gutter.
Barry (English accent; during the Office Sketch): The concept of a giant duck at the center of the Earth is fictional, and is intended solely for entertainment purposes. The center of the Earth actually consists of a lot of complicated gases and minerals that would take a long time to explain, and aren't very funny, anyway.
GGreg
(when he goes into the alley getting ready for his training exercise) Okay, guys, little train--
VVoice
OOOOOOOOOOOHH! (The alley is shaking like a earthquake, Greg protects two of the gumshoes from being blown away While The Third Is Sitting But Is Not Protected By Greg)
GGreg
Whoa, hold on! Wait a minute! FEED THE COW!! FEED THE COW!!
A virus has infected my system's software. It causes me to divulge Carmen's location. You'll find her in Asia. Please! Don't say that I sent you.
Often mistaken for a UFO, she takes her earthly loot to go. Her last known whereabouts: Southeast Alaska. There were once many villages of Tlingit and Haida people in this region, but many were abandoned long ago. Luckily, Totem Bight State Historical Park preserved the traditions of those early villages and the artistic skills of their residence with authentic totem poles and a clan house. Original carving and painting techniques were used to craft the totem poles, and the replica clan house shows how 30 to 50 people might have lived together. Since 1959, Totem Bight Park has helped keep-alive local native cultures. Or it did until today...
...when Kneemoi went aloft in Alaska and descended to tackle a totem. She whirred through the park like a buzzsaw, toting off totems by the pound. In fact, she's even morphed herself to look like one. Now she's parading the pilfered poles on planet Roddenberry. Gumshoes, retake Totem Bight and solve today's case...
Greg and The Chief: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!
GGreg
You know, Chief, the background music is fun, but, um, I'm just not sure that it's us. You know what I mean?
You know, I think you're right.
You know, I kind of miss good ol' Rockapella. You got it. They're a little goofy, but they did get the job done.
GGreg
I agree completely. Totally.
Speaking of getting the job done...
GGreg
All right, Chief. Uh, boys, you wanna sing me out, please? (Rockapella sing the show's theme song and Greg dances out of the office, while the Chief dances along).
LLiat
Virgin of Carmen Festival.
GGreg
Virgin of Carmen Festival. (Shoeprints are revealed)
(sings to the tune of their theme song) Ooh-wah! The virgin, ooh-wah!
GGreg
Inca Trail. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Prison sports are really fun! I get used as a Frisbee, a dartboard, and a second base! Carmen should see me play. But she's in Asia. Go find her.
Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? · 274 quotes