“Mother Thinks the Birds Are After Her” quotes from Weeds

Nancy

[looking at Bubbie sleeping] Jesus, time is cruel. We should start taking fish oil.

Andy

And green tea.

Shane

Yeah, 'cause that'll totally reverse the effects of 90-plus years of life. Get real. It's all downhill from 30 on.

Andy

Shut up!

Nancy

Be quiet. [Silas walks in] What did they say?

Silas

That the nurse was fired a month ago. Said a family member called and said he was taking over her care.

Andy

Oh, shit, family member? No, no, no. Forget this. I'm leaving.

Nancy

Oh, no, wait. We don't know for sure. Don't you have cousins? Isn't he on a riverboat somewhere?

Andy

He probably sunk it. It's him. I know it's him. Look. Look around. Paintings missing from the wall. All right, here we go. Tchotchkes missing. Bubbie's watching the World Poker Tour? [looks in the fridge] Ah! Look. [holds up boxed wine] He's here.

Lenny

Excuse me. who the hell are you, bursting in here like this and telling me how to take care of Grandma? With Not-Francie, no less.

Shane

Who?

Lenny

It's your mother. Never mind.

Shane

Her name is Nancy.

Andy

He knows that. He just won't say it.

Silas

Who's Francie?

Lenny

That's the woman your father should've married.

Andy

Why are you always such a prick to me?

Lenny

I'm just not sure you're mine, so I keep an emotional distance.

Andy

If only that were true and I wasn't looking at the Ghost of Hanukkah Future, fighting the urge to throw myself off a cliff.