See? Not so easy to perform a scene when you have a bucket on your head, is it?
Mm.. Yes. Well, class dismissed.
But we still have more time.
Oh. Oh. Well, actually I do have something I need to discuss with...some of you. Tori, Cat, Andre, Robbie, Jade, please stay. The rest of you may wander the halls. (everyone leaves except them) Thanks for coming, enjoy your day, I'm here all week. Tip your nurses and clowns. (he shuts the door after they all have left)
Why did you make them leave?
I don't know... they never talk.
Yeah, they just sit there and... (makes a reaction) ...'React'.
So what do you want with us?
Oh, c'mon, parades are fun.
One time my brother was in a parade, but he was inappropriate, so the parade people called the police, and now he's not allowed to be in parades. (pause) Or be near horses.
Play with the pretty keys.
Kay-kay. (takes the keys and plays with them)
Let's see... Oh, we have 2: 'A tribute to the fruits of Mexico' and 'Need good Idea for float.'
RRex
What was wrong with my idea?
No one wants to see a parade float called 'The Ladies of North Ridge.'
ARAndré and Robbie
Well...
Come on, guys, be serious. (Trina enters) You wanna look dumb on national tv?
(drops her glass) Who's gonna be on national tv?
We're performing in the Parade Parade.
No, seriously, I'll sing or dance, I can just stand on the float right in front and be the pretty girl. I can totally be the pretty girl.
Alright, let's put it to a vote. All those--
ARAndre, Robbie and Cat
No!
Fine. I don't wanna be in it. I wouldn't be in it if you begged me. (Trina storms out and slams the door, then opens the door after a pause) Just let me be in it?
I don't even wanna be in it. (she runs into Jade on the way out)
Your sister just elbowed me in my lung.
I'm sorry, did someone invite you here?
Beck told me you guys were appearing on national TV?
And you think you're doing that without me?
You stormed out of Sikowitz's class. (Jade advances towards him threateningly) I feel that Jade should be included.
Well, this is a great way to spend a Saturday.
I have never had detention before.
(to Robbie) If you hadn't made us late for class, we wouldn't be here.
I was choking on a pretzel.
Well, why do you always gotta be chokin' on somethin'?
(to Andre) Ah, give him a break.
Yeah, it's not Robbie's fault he has a petite throat.
Well, well. It's 7:06 here in Los Angeles. That means that in Australia, it's yesterday! (pause) Or tomorrow.
Y'know, in Australia, when you flush the toilet, the water swirls backwards.
Put a sock in it, Afro! You clowns are gonna sit in here all day and think about why you're in detention. (Jade leans back and spits her gum in the air; Rex leans back and catches it in his mouth) Now, cellphones. Let's have 'em.
Because in detention, there are no phone calls.
Can we play Grumpy Gerbils?
I can't get past Level 23.
Shut up! (brief pause) PHONES! (the gang all put their phones in the box) Now... I'm gonna put your box of phones right here. (puts them on top of the bookshelf. Tori then raises her hand) What, "princess"?
I was just wondering what the plan is for lunch.
Well if you pre-turds get hungry, there's a big plate of tuna right here. (points to it)
Um, technically, sir, if perishable foods aren't kept at either below 34 degrees or above 140 degrees-
Pipe down, side salad. Eat the tuna or starve. I could care less.
I think you mean you couldn't care less.
You said you could care less.
Which implies that you do care, at least a little bit.
Well, then you should have said, you couldn't care less.
Hey, what about the guy who first landed on the moon? He said "One small step for man." I would've just said "Oh, my god, I'm on the moon." (Beck smiles)
Alright, not another word.
That's it, West, you just bought yourself another Saturday detention.
Did I get a good deal on it?
You just bought yourself another one. (Cat yelps and buries her head in her hood)
Okay, look, I'm sorry, I apologize.
Okay, Vega, now you got one.
I don't want another one!
That's three. You want to to try for four?
Okay, Vega, you just got 5!
Stop what? Jade said yes.
RRex
I guess he's afraid to give one to Robbie. (Robbie covers Rex's mouth as Mr. Dickers comes to him)
(to Rex) Oh, yeah? I got one for you, too, Fudge Sack. Anybody else? Huh? Anybody? (no one speaks) You mess with the cow... you get the udders. (Dickers leaves the library as the door closes)
You know what I can go for right now?
I felt you, dawg. (Beck smiles)
Tacos. Those sound really good right now.
(while ripping paper) I'm down for tacos.
(nervously) Yeah. I love tacos.
(about Cat) Look who's being real quiet.
I'm just not that hungry right now.
Yeah, why don't you tell everyone the truth?
(goes to Cat) Our pristine little friend Cat has never had a taco.
I'm not that pristine. (pause) Wait, what's pristine mean?
(to Cat) Are you a vegan?
It's a person who doesn't eat meat.
C'mon, Cat, tell us. Have you ever had a crispy corn shell, filled with meat... lettuce... shredded cheese... (Jade glares at Cat)
(Tori comes over)
What are you gonna do if I don't?
Well, I might just go online, to the Slap, and unfriend you. (Cat gasps)
Two clicks. One to unfriend you, and one to confirm that I really wanna unfriend you. (Jade glares at Tori)
Hey, c'mon, y'all, how we gonna get some tacos?
I could call Trina, ask her to pick some up and leave them in my locker.
(crying) You're so conceited, Tori! You're so conceited!
(Tori, Cat, André, Robbie, Trina and Rex are playing poker and discussing Tori's phone)
Just buy yourself another Pearphone GX.
No, if I buy another GX, they're (everyone joins Tori) gonna announce the XT the next day, and then everyone will have a new XT and I'll be stuck with the stupid GX.
RRex
I'm so sick of hearing that.
Well, there's no need for you guys to mock me simultaneously.
Oh! Great, it's-it's you guys!
See? They're all here. I told you, they'd all be here.
Listen, I am sorry that we didn't invite you guys to play, but, uh-
Tell her why you didn't invite us to play.
Well...cause...we were...planning your surprise party...?
Alright! We didn't invite you guys to play because you two are always screaming at each other, and it makes everybody feel awkward, it makes Cat faint, and sometimes it makes Robbie cry!
One time! I cried one time!
See?! We fight so much, even our friends don't want us around!
Tori's not my friend, I only tolerate Robbie, no one likes Trina, and Cat's basically a pet.
Are you guys gonna let her say that nobody likes me?! (Beck and Jade both turn to Tori then back)
So...why don't you guys play cards with us. (touches Jade's arm then walks to the table)
Look, I-I don't want to be your boyfriend if we're just gonna fight all the time.
No, I-I didn't say that. I'm just saying...
You guys might break up? Because I'm not dating anyone, and I always thought Beck and I would make the perfect- (Jade throws a pillow at her, and she stands shocked)
Next time it's a hammer! C'mon, Beck, take me to get some food.
Ok. I'm gonna walk out that door, and I'm gonna count to ten.
Don't forget three. (everyone looks at her) Some people forget it.
If I get to 10 and you're not out there, I'm going home… and we're over. [Jade goes outside] 1!
(while touching Beck seductively) I would never fight with you.
2… 3… [Cat claps] 4… [Beck heads to the door] 5… [Trina follows Beck to stop him] 6… [Trina jumps on Beck and pins him down]
TRINA! [Tori, André, Robbie and Cat go to Trina]
Get OFF! NO!(André and Robbie pull Trina off of Beck)
I'm a really fun girl... (Robbie pins Trina)
(to Trina) No! You're not!
(while holding Beck's leg) ...And so good looking!
Stop! What are you doing?! Stop! (Beck stands up and goes to the door)
7… (Beck holds the doorknob and stops) 8… (Beck looks at Trina, who is pointing at herself and winking) 9… (André, Cat and Tori glare at one another) 10! (Jade stops while Beck is still inside, holding the doorknob. Jade goes to the door, but steps back and leaves. Inside, Beck lets go of the doorknob while he hears Jade's car leaving)
(sadly) Yeah, let's play… (everybody goes to the table to play cards)
Make sure you get all 52.
KK. 1, 2, (forgets three) 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11... (Trina sits beside Beck and lies her head on his shoulder)
(entering the classroom) GOOD MORNING, LE OLD NUTENTS! (laughs in a Western style accent, then puts his coconut on the windowsill) Alright. Now, it's time for...bad news.
RRex
They found out coconut juice makes your hair falls out?
(laughs) NO. We're going to do an acting exercise about giving bad news.
Sikowitz (imitating Jade, sarcastically) Why? To teach you that acting often involves choices in how to say things. For example, how do you give someone bad news and make it seem not so bad?
By telling them in a language they don't understand.
Tori! Tori! I'm running in with big news! Tori!
(he and the feeding girl start screaming and run away in terror. Robbie comes up to the table)
The Beverly Hills volcano is about to erupt!
In three and a half minutes, this whole school is gonna be covered in hot lava!
We only have three and a half minutes?
(pounds his fist on the table) The same amount of time as a commercial break.
(grabs Tori's arm) I say we kiss.
Not you! (to Tori) You. Kiss me, Tori. I want my last three and a half minutes to be spent with my face... smushed against your face.
Are there any other ideas?
Okay. (the two lean in to kiss, and the screen freezes)
RRex
Stay tuned for the second half of Victorious... or don't. I get paid either way.
(after commercial)
RRex
...And now, we continue with the exciting second half of Victorious. Press Play. (Tori's about to kiss Robbie, but Beck comes rushing in)
Tori, Andre. Have you heard? Have you heard the news?
I already told you! The Beverly Hills volcano is about to erupt! Now, kiss me.
The Beverly Hills volcano has retired and moved to Florida. So, it's probably NOT gonna spew hot lava all over Hollywood Arts! (everyone cheers)
Wait! I just heard we're about to be attacked by killer butterflies! (everyone moans)
Wait! Sinjin has 2 big jugs of anti-butterfly spray! (everyone cheers again, but Sinjin is seen drinking the spray)
But I drank them! (everyone moans again)
(holding up an apple) Wait, I'm not gonna eat this apple! So, you guys can all share it! (everyone cheers again, Tori's phone then goes off)
WAIT! I just got a text that says that apples make your hair fall out! (everyone moans again)
What's done is done. (eats an apple out of a bowl of them)
Victorious · 532 quotes
