Rex quotes from Victorious

Robbie

Like the wolf-

She walks alone.

Robbie

[howls]

Off-key!

Tori

(happy) Hey!

Andre

Whoa, somebody's all happy about something.

Jade

Yeah, it's making me sick.

Robbie

Hey, um, is there a reason that girls don't wanna go out with me?

Tori

You mean, like, one reason that stands out over all the other reasons?

Ha!

Robbie

(after a pause, aggravated) So why are you happy?

Tori

Because Ryder Daniels asked me out.

Ooh, he's hot! (they all stare at him) Stare all you want, I'm secure.

Jade

I don't trust that Ryder guy.

Tori

You just hate the idea of anything good happening for me.

Jade

That could not be more true. (pause) I'm just saying, any dude that hot and that perfect has to be hiding something.

Andre

So I guess you think Beck is hiding something.

Jade

Oh, he was until I found out.

Beck

Wha-what was I hiding?

Jade

That you were born in CANADA! [leaves]

Beck

[goes after her] It wasn't a secret!

Andre

Just tell us where the girl is.

Beck

I told you, I DON'T KNOW!

Cat

Okay, if you don't know, you don't know. [slaps Beck hard then grabs his shirt] NOW DO YOU KNOW?!

Beck

Hey, man! Get your partner off of me!

Andre

You better tell her what she wants to know. [licks a lollipop]

Cat

You got three seconds to talk.

Beck

I-I-I don't know. I-

Beck

She's in my basement! [Cat lets go of him] She's in my basement. [gets on his knees and cries]

Sikowitz

Boring.

Andre

That was boring?

Sikowitz

[gets up] Yeah, it was all too predictable. There were no, [puts on a shocked face] AHH, surprises.

Jade

I enjoyed the slapping.

Sikowitz

See, entertainment is so much more entertaining, when the characters do something the audience doesn't expect.

Robbie

I don't get what you're trying to say here.

You've bewildered everybody.

Sikowitz

All right, okay, maybe I'm wrong. Let's move on the something else. [Cat, Beck and Andre sit back down] Let's talk about our hopes and dreams. [points to Tori] Tori.

Tori

[points to Sikowitz] Sikowitz.

Sikowitz

What's your biggest hope and/or dream? [smiles at her]

Tori

Uh...probably to be a pop star. A really successful singer.

Sikowitz

[laughs insanely]

Tori

[laughs nervously with him] What?

Sikowitz

Oh, well, maybe you could sing at weddings for the hearing impaired. [continues laughing]

Jade

Okay, this is the most fun class ever.

Tori

[sad] You really don't think I can make it as a singer?

Sikowitz

Nope. HA! You see? You're all staring at me with rapt attention. Why? Because, as a teacher, you expect me to encourage my students not puke on their dreams. Right?

Tori

Uh huh.

Sikowitz

This is what I'm trying to explain. When characters do the unexpected- [falls suddenly] audiences pay attention.

Tori

Oh, I have a headache.

Sikowitz

That's lunchtime. Get out.

Hey, Jade. That's a nice new sweater.

Jade

Thanks. It's made out of puppet hair.

Dang, woman.

Cat

Hey. Look at the new costume I made. Can you guess who I am?

Beck

No.

Andre

You're uh, Little Boy Poop.

Cat

Little Bo Peep. Alright, can I tell you guys how much I'm loving my new costume design class?

Uh...

Cat

And my teacher says I have a gift for knowing people's exact measurements.

Robbie

Hey, peepolinis!!

Jade

I'm not with him.

Cat

[to Robbie] Hey, Robbie, do you want me to tell you what size pants you are?

Robbie

I already know. They're a size four.

Jade

Size four?

Cat

That's how they measure girls' pants.

Robbie

What? Rex, you promised me these were boy jeans.

Heh heh heh. You've been Rexed.

Tori

Hey. Will you guys take a look at my headshot and resume?

Andre

Sure. Why?

Tori

Sikowitz got me an audition for a movie.

Jade

I don't care.

Andre

You look twelve in this pic.

Tori

Well that was the last time I was shot by a professional photographer.

Cat

My brother got shot by a clown.

Andre

Why?

Cat

Because my brother kept poking him and saying "What you gonna do about it, clown? Huh?" (pause) It happened on a bus.

Jade

(pulls out a coloring book and crayons) Cat, color the tiger.

Cat

Yay, crayons!

Tori

Well, now I have to find a professional photographer.

Sinjin

Did someone say she needs a professional photographer?

Tori

Yeah, you know one?

Sinjin

Nope. (walks off again)

Robbie

Yeah, I don't seem so weird anymore, do I?

What did you say, Girl Pants?

Andre

Alright, you gotta work on this resume.

Tori

Why, what's wrong with it?

Robbie

You only have one play on there.

Tori

Well, that's all I've been in.

Andre

So? Just say you've acted in more stuff.

Tori

Lie?

Jade

Yes!

Beck

Well, it's not really lying...

It's exaggerating!

Cat

Did I mention the clown was my cousin Jesse?

Jade

[sternly] Color the pretty tiger.

Tori

So, back to my resume...

Andre

You gotta have more things under special skills.

Jade

Yeah, you put bike riding as a special skill. Who can't ride a bike?

Take a guess.

Robbie

(puts hand over Rex's mouth) Can you keep any secret?

Tori

So what "special skills" should I add?

Andre

Gymnastics.

Beck

Martial arts.

Robbie

Skydiving.

Jade

Flirtatious hair flipping.

Tori

Okay, I do not flip my hair flirtatiously!

Jade

Oh, and this doesn't seem familiar? [Imitating Tori] Why, hello, boys! My name is Tori Vega! Buy me some licorice and I'll give you a kiss!

Tori

I talk NOTHING like that. (to the rest of the gang) Seriously, do I talk anything like that? (the others all imitate Tori at the same time. Tori puts a picture of herself in front of her face)

Wait, who got bit by monkeys?

Tori

The director's kid.

Did he taunt the monkeys?

Robbie

Peeminder?

You should download that.

Jade

Yeah you should.

Beck

K.

Jade

A.

Tori

A.

Beck

A.

Cat

H.

K.

Tori

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Cat, what'd you say?

Cat

When?

Tori

Just a second ago.

Cat

(pause) I said "when."

Tori

No, before that.

Cat

Oh, I said "H".

Tori

H?

Andre

H? Yes! (everybody runs to Cat)

Robbie

She's got it! She got the H!

Cat

(laughs) I feel so loved.

There's a car parked in Robbie's butt!

Robbie

Quit saying that!

Lane

You're all suspects.

Awww, not again.

Tori

Suspects?

Andre

For what happened to Trina?

Lane

(nods) Uh huh.

Cat

But that was an accident.

Jade

Yup. A terrible hilarious accident. That already has 1,700 views!

Lane

Posting videos of people's tragedies is just mean and wrong.

Jade

Yeah. No, thanks, I really appreciate your input on that.

Robbie

Why'd you cast Trina as the lead girl?

Tori

I didn't want to. You know my Cuddly Cathy doll that I love and I've had since I was five years old?

Andre

Nah, I don't know what you're talking about.

Robbie

No, you've never mentioned it.

Tori

Oh. Well, Trina kidnapped her, and she wouldn't give her back unless-

Robbie

Unless you gave Trina the lead.

Tori

Yep.

Andre

That's jacked up.

Robbie

Yeah, but don't you think you're a little old to be playing with dolls?

Right!

Robbie

I know!

Hey, Trina.

Trina

What?

You wanna know my 2 favorite things about you? (Trina slaps him)

Robbie

Trina!

You don't know what I was gonna say!

Trina

Shut it, puppet!

Robbie

Now, listen. Don't you ever put me in a situation like that ever again!

Relax, Rob.

Robbie

You shouldn't have cut Trina's gimbal.

Trina shouldn't have whacked me in the face!

Robbie

Mischief is never the answer!

Never?

Robbie

Never. You're just lucky I protected you. And-- And if anyone ever finds out--

They won't!

Robbie

Good night. (Robbie turns off the light)

Nobody ever suspects the puppet!

Robbie

I thought you hated that word!

It's okay if I say it.

Tori

Oh, come on, for his ten year teaching anniversary you guys don't think he deserves a better present than a one cup coffee maker?

They should have got him a pair of shoes. I'm tired of looking at that hippy's hairy feet.

Robbie

I think Sikowitz has cute feet.

Man, Sikowitz is ten minutes late.

Tori

Where is he?

Jade

Maybe he locked himself in a dark closet because you forced him to watch a play that made his whole life seem like a big pile of garbage. (pause) And I'm gonna have a banana. (takes one)

Tori

You know, why don't I just lie on the floor so you can start kicking me?

Jade

...You have that dream, too?

Robbie

Well, I'm awesome at song lyrics.

No, he's not. Run! Save yourselves!