SikowitzTori. And, um... Elvis. Get up on the, uh... stage thing.
Alright. What'cha uh, want us to do?
Sikowitz
Um...a scene. You both have the same line. "Life is pain." So, you just keep saying that to each other. Over and over. Do it, action.
Sikowitz
It certainly is ding, there's the bell, class dismissed. (walks out the window and falls into the bushes)
Way to go, Tori. You broke Sikowitz!
I did not break Sikowitz. (Sikowitz can be heard moaning) I did not break Sikowitz-- (he moans again) I broke Sikowitz! (he moans a third time as she puts her hand on her head displeased)
Sikowitz
See? Not so easy to perform a scene when you have a bucket on your head, is it?
Sikowitz
Mm.. Yes. Well, class dismissed.
But we still have more time.
Sikowitz
We do? How much?
Sikowitz
Oh. Oh. Well, actually I do have something I need to discuss with...some of you. Tori, Cat, Andre, Robbie, Jade, please stay. The rest of you may wander the halls. (everyone leaves except them) Thanks for coming, enjoy your day, I'm here all week. Tip your nurses and clowns. (he shuts the door after they all have left)
Why did you make them leave?
Sikowitz
I don't know... they never talk.
Yeah, they just sit there and... (makes a reaction) ...'React'.
So what do you want with us?
Sikowitz
Who likes parades?
Sikowitz
Oh, c'mon, parades are fun.
One time my brother was in a parade, but he was inappropriate, so the parade people called the police, and now he's not allowed to be in parades. (pause) Or be near horses.
Play with the pretty keys.
Kay-kay. (takes the keys and plays with them)
Sikowitz
Jade! You're Tori's Secret Santa, and that be that.
(very fast) He said he's not gonna change it, so just deal with it, why don't you just deal with it, why don't you just deal with it?!
Sikowitz
(puts his arms on Beck) His heart is vibrating. How much coffee have you drunk?
A lot, like, a lot. I don't know, like, maybe seven cups, a lot, is there a problem?
Sikowitz
(entering the classroom) GOOD MORNING, LE OLD NUTENTS! (laughs in a Western style accent, then puts his coconut on the windowsill) Alright. Now, it's time for...bad news.
They found out coconut juice makes your hair falls out?
Sikowitz
(laughs) NO. We're going to do an acting exercise about giving bad news.
Sikowitz (imitating Jade, sarcastically) Why? To teach you that acting often involves choices in how to say things. For example, how do you give someone bad news and make it seem not so bad?
By telling them in a language they don't understand.
Sikowitz
You see, every time I cast a new play, you get your panties in a pretzel. So this time, you people will choose your own roles. (brings box of paper slips to Andre) Andre, pick a role.
(reading off card) "Tommy, ten year old twin brother of Carter."
Sikowitz
(makes airplane noise and goes to Beck) Beck, pick a role.
(reading off card) "Carter, ten year old twin brother of Tommy." I guess we're twins.
Then Mama's got some explaining to do.
Sikowitz
(makes airplane noise and goes to Jade) Jade, pick a role.
(reading off card) "Nancy, loving wife of astronaut Walter Swain."
Sikowitz
(Robbie attempts to pick a role, but Sikowitz makes another airplane noise and goes to Tori) Tori.
(reading off card) "Astronaut Walter Swain.........husband of Nancy...."
I'm supposed to play her wife?
I'll just pick another card!
Sikowitz
No! My box has spoken!
(during the rehearsal of the play. Jade, in-character, is seen crying as both Andre and Beck, also in-character, are in front of her)
Don't you understand? Your father's an astronaut. It's his dream to walk on the moon but now that might never happen because of his narcolepsy!
It's when you're always falling asleep even when you're not tired.
Sikowitz
(to Sinjin) Car door sound effect! (Sinjin clicks a button where it's being followed by a sound of a car alarm stopping)
(stands up, along with Beck and Andre) Oh, I just heard your father's car. Now, boys, no matter how narcoleptic he is, you pretend you don't notice. (notices Beck holding her apron) Don't touch Mommy. (pulls Beck's hand off her apron. After that, Tori, wearing a mustache and male clothes, enters)
(in a man voice) Nancy, boys, I'm home.
(to Andre) Hello, Car--- (since Tori's character has narcolepsy, she falls on the sofa and passes out)
Oh. It's all right, boys. It's all right now. (comes to Tori) Honey. Honey. (Tori suddenly gets up)
I'M UP! I'M UP! (to Beck) So, Tommy. How was school today?
(his and Andre's characters are twins) I'm Carter.
Ahh!! What kind of father am I?! I'm so darn narcoleptic I can't even tell my own twin sons apart.
It's not your fault they're identical. Look at them. (both Tori and Jade look at Beck and Andre)
Nancy, you're so--- (for another time, Tori passes out and falls in front of Jade)
Ahh.. Ooh.. Sweetheart! Darling!
No. No, you were saying I'm so?
Right, uh, you're so good, gentle. How can you love a sleepy loser like me?
You are no sleepy loser. You are an astronaut.
Sikowitz
(the rehearsal ends) Eh, no you don't! Light a candle, Burf. This play stinks!
BBurf
I don't have a candle.
Sikowitz
Then get a better haircut!
Shake it off, Burf. He's just in a mood.
Sikowitz
So, the lowest level of the globe theater was reserved for "the groundlings" who were the lower class people who came out to enjoy...
(comes into Sikowitz's class) YOU GUYS! I'M SORRY I'M LATE, BUT MY MOM... SLAMMED MY HEAD IN THE CAR DOOR! (holds a round case with a red top on her hand, and breaks down crying. After a few seconds of silence, she stands on her knees and holds her hands out) April Fools! (laughs and stands up) Yeah!
What are you, five years old?
But... today's April Fools' Day!
April Fools' Day is kind of for, you know, little kids...
That's how we all feel. (he holds his hands out, and Beck and Robbie slap them in agreement)
But... this school is full of creative people! I-I thought for sure April Fools' Day would be a big deal here.
(stands up and yells) WELL, IT'S NOT! OKAY, TORI?! SO, JUST SHUT YOUR FACE AND LET MR. BELDING TEACH!
BMr. Belding
Thank you, Zack. (Cat sits back down angrily) Now, as Screech was saying, a world without pants is like a donut.
Oh, come on! No one here is into April Fools? (Mr. Belding tackles her to the floor and takes her purse) WHOA! Okay. Uh... (Mr. Belding runs out of the room)
Wait. Did you just say you wanted a face full of trumpet?
What do you mean, "face full of..."? --AAAAH!! (Cat blows a trumpet in her face, and she falls to the floor. Drake Bell quickly comes in and gets her back on her chair. He then notices the audience and immediately flees the room)
Sikowitz
Wait, was that the (guy, Drake) Bell? (the bell rings) Oh, there's the bell. (holds his hands out and explodes. Tori gasps, as parts of his clothes and coconut fall to the floor)
What? (Cat blows the trumpet in her face again and she falls to the floor. Cat then laughs)
(after commercial)
...And now, we continue with the exciting second half of Victorious. Press Play. (Tori's about to kiss Robbie, but Beck comes rushing in)
Tori, Andre. Have you heard? Have you heard the news?
I already told you! The Beverly Hills volcano is about to erupt! Now, kiss me.
The Beverly Hills volcano has retired and moved to Florida. So, it's probably NOT gonna spew hot lava all over Hollywood Arts! (everyone cheers)
Wait! I just heard we're about to be attacked by killer butterflies! (everyone moans)
Wait! Sinjin has 2 big jugs of anti-butterfly spray! (everyone cheers again, but Sinjin is seen drinking the spray)
But I drank them! (everyone moans again)
(holding up an apple) Wait, I'm not gonna eat this apple! So, you guys can all share it! (everyone cheers again, Tori's phone then goes off)
WAIT! I just got a text that says that apples make your hair fall out! (everyone moans again)
Sikowitz
What's done is done. (eats an apple out of a bowl of them)
Sikowitz
And your question is... Dumb Debbie was so dumb.
CBCat, Beck, André, Robbie, Jade and Trina
HOW DUMB WAS SHE?
Sikowitz
She was so dumb, she didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools... blank.
(Later, after the others have filled in their answers)
Sikowitz
Okay, Tori. Dumb Debbie was so dumb. She didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools...
Sikowitz
Day. Mm-hmm. Day. Well, let's see if you match anybody. (clears throat) André!
Roses are red, storm clouds are gray. Debbie's so dumb, she didn't realize it was April Fools... (takes his card and turns it over) Lobster. (a buzzer rings, and a lobster comes out near the entrance and charges towards Tori)
That's the lobster! AAH! (the lobster pushes her to the ground, rubs her butt and slaps her back before running off)
Sikowitz
All right now, get up! (she does) Jade, what's your answer?
Well I figured she was so dumb... she thought April 1st was April Fools... (turns her card over) Berry! (buzzer rings again) That's a thing! Right, April Fools Berry? That's a thing!
Oh, you're a thing. A foul beast of a thing! (everyone else laughs as the lobster comes back)
No no no. No no no, it is not my fault that she said berry! (the lobster places her on the floor as she flails. He then slaps her butt again and runs off)
Sikowitz
Alright, upsie daisy! (Tori gets back up) Robbie.
Yes yes, what is it Sikowitz?
Sikowitz
Dumb Debbie was so dumb, she didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools...
(turns his card over) Foot. (buzzer, the crowd boos) Oh, shut up, you people. I WAS ON BROADWAY!
Sikowitz
Cat, your turn.
Wait, the lobster forgot to push Tori down!
Sikowitz
OH, yes!
Cat, why would you remind him?! (the lobster charges at Tori) Okay, n-n-no. See, see, I was-- (the lobster grabs Tori and places her to the ground as she flails. He then flexes and runs off)
Sikowitz
Will you GET UP?! (she does) Cat! Dumb Debbie was so dumb, she didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools... blank.
I said... (turns her card over) 'Blank!' (buzzer)
Sikowitz
Uh, Cat, I said blank.
(laughs) I love President Ford!
Sikowitz
We're not gonna bring the lobster out for that one. (Tori pats him on the back) Uh, Beck!
(in garbled accent) Well, I'm sorry, Doc and I was starving, so I said... (turns his card over) Onion rings. (buzzer, the lobster comes through the entrance)
No. I know. (faints. The lobster then leaves)
Sikowitz
(laughs) Okay! One last chance. Your sister. Trina.
Well, I said... (reveals her card) '...Cut to the next scene!'. (scene cuts to the Vegas' house where Tori waves her arms weirdly)
Oh, your stupid card brought us to this scene! You cost me $5,000!
But I want an Oompa Loompa now!
You can't HAVE an Oompa Loompa--
EEveryone
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
There's no football game.
EEveryone
WHERE'S THE BEEF!?
Okay, kids won't get that reference. And... it's April Fools Day!
Victorious · 532 quotes
