Trina quotes from Victorious

Tori

You wanna watch it with us?

Trina

No. They rejected me!

Tori

Yeah, but i'm on it!

Trina

I gotta go change a lightbulb.

Trina

Hey, Beck. (sticks arm under his nose) Smell my arm. No perfume — that's my natural scent.

Tori

I have to live with her.

Tori Vega, Beck Oliver, Jade West, and Andre Harris, congratulations! You're all going to be featured on The Wood.

Trina

And what about me?

No.

Trina

Why not?

Because you reek of desperation.

Beck

That's her natural scent.

Tori, can you make your sister leave?

Tori

Trina, stop embarrassing me or I'm gonna embarrass you.

Trina

Don't threaten me.

Tori

When Trina was six, our family went to the mall just before Christmas-

Trina

Don't say it.

Tori

And she peed.

Trina

Tori!

Tori

On Santa Claus.

Trina

(makes embarrassed sound and leaves)

Jade

Ooh, you don't look happy.

Tori

I'm not.

Jade

Yay.

Beck

Trina giving you a rough time?

Tori

Yes. Do you know she sleep sweats?

Jade

Sleep sweats?

Tori

Yeah, she made me go into her room last night every two hours, with a sponge, lift her arms, and then -

Trina

Tori. Hey, answer my phone.

Tori

What? I don't wanna.

Jade

You're her assistant, so do what she says.

Trina

Thank you, Jade. [touches Jade's arm]

Jade

Never touch me.

Trina

Ke$ha, wait.

No, you're weird.

Tori

[stops Trina] Trina! Ke$ha, I am so sorry about her.

Is she your sister?

Tori

Yeah.

I'm sorry for you.

Tori

Everyone is.

[touches Tori's cheek] Are those real cheekbones?

Tori

Yeah.

Trina

I am gonna win, right?

Sinjin

It hurts that you doubt me.

Trina

I'm never playing mini golf with you guys again!

Holly

Promise?!

Tori

What happened?

Holly

Trina missed a putt, so she got upset and threw a golf club at her father!

Trina

NO, I threw the golf club and Dad just stood there and let it hit him!

David

(comes in with a bruised nose) Well...that was fun...

Holly

Trina, get your dad an ice pack.

Trina

NO! I gotta go paint my nails!

Trina

Large scary lady coming toward us! Large scary lady coming!

Tori

Great! It's the one you called big and stupid the other day!

Jade

Whatever. I'm not scared of this chick.

So, do I still look big and stupid?

Jade

Alright, listen, hot stuff. You better just turn yourself around and walk away from me or- (prisoner shoves Jade to the ground) I like it on the ground.

Trina

Uh, Tori, Tori!

Tori

She's my friend.

Jade

(Imitating Yeah Yeah from The Sandlot) Yeah, yeah, we're super close.

(puts stick under Jade's chin) You are lucky. (says something in Yerbian, drops the stick and walks away)

Jade

I didn't need your help.

Tori

She would have eaten you!

Jade

She wouldn't have liked it. (Cat walks over)

Cat

Hi! Ew, Jade, you're outfit's all dirty.

Jade

(sarcastically) Oh, no, now I'll never win the prison beauty pageant!

Trina

Wait, they have that?

Hey, Trina.

Trina

What?

You wanna know my 2 favorite things about you? (Trina slaps him)

Robbie

Trina!

You don't know what I was gonna say!

Trina

Shut it, puppet!

Robbie

Okay, hold on. Hold on! There is another person that had a reason to get back at Trina.

Andre

Well, it's not me! All I wanna do is go play with Kiko!

Lane

Who else had a motive to get back at Trina?

Robbie

Cat.

Cat

Hi!

Tori

Cat?

Cat

Whatie?

Jade

Did you cut Trina's harness gimbel?

Cat

No, why would I want to hurt Trina?

Robbie

Cause of what happened between you two right before the play started.

Lane

Well, um...

Andre

Aw no, no! Now we gotta hear another version of the story from a unique point of view? (buries his head in a pillow on the couch and cries)

Robbie

Ok, um... it was an unusually windy day here in Los Angeles...

Tori

Get to the point.

Robbie

Ok, um... Tori had just accidentally whacked Sinjin in the jaw and right about then Cat was helping me with my costume and feeling my muscles when Trina walked by and said...

Trina

(during Robbie's flashback) Hey Robbie, why don't you come backstage with me and help me do my makeup... or whatever?

Robbie

You make me happy.

Cat

(to Trina) Why don't you just get outta here?

Trina

Why don't you?

Robbie

Ladies, come on now. Look, there's 1 of me, 2 of you... (puts his arm around both) ...And 7 swinging days of the week.

Cat

He even makes math hot.

Trina

Robbie's mine!

Cat

He loves me! (Trina hits her) Ow! You thwacked my head! She thwacked my head! I'll get you for that, Trina Vega! I'll get you good!

Cat

Okay (sigh)

André

Okay.

Robbie

Parade float.

André

Ideas.

Cat

What do we have so far?

Tori

Let's see... Oh, we have 2: 'A tribute to the fruits of Mexico' and 'Need good Idea for float.'

What was wrong with my idea?

Tori

No one wants to see a parade float called 'The Ladies of North Ridge.'

Well...

Tori

Come on, guys, be serious. (Trina enters) You wanna look dumb on national tv?

Trina

(drops her glass) Who's gonna be on national tv?

Cat

We're performing in the Parade Parade.

Trina

I'll do it.

Tori

Trina...

Trina

No, seriously, I'll sing or dance, I can just stand on the float right in front and be the pretty girl. I can totally be the pretty girl.

Tori

Alright, let's put it to a vote. All those--

No!

Trina

Fine. I don't wanna be in it. I wouldn't be in it if you begged me. (Trina storms out and slams the door, then opens the door after a pause) Just let me be in it?

No!

Trina

I don't even wanna be in it. (she runs into Jade on the way out)

Jade

Your sister just elbowed me in my lung.

Robbie

I'll get you some ice.

Jade

Sit down!

Tori

I'm sorry, did someone invite you here?

Jade

Beck told me you guys were appearing on national TV?

Tori

So?

Jade

And you think you're doing that without me?

Andre

You stormed out of Sikowitz's class. (Jade advances towards him threateningly) I feel that Jade should be included.

Tori

Look! It's a little...ceramic guitar. I made it at Color me Pot.

Trina

I thought Sikowitz said that your Secret Santa gifts have to be really special, and creative.

Tori

He did.

Trina

Well, that's ugly. And useless.

Tori

No, it's cute. And look. You can pretend to play it, like... (pretends to strum it like a real guitar) DER NAO NAO! TORI GAVE ME THIS CHRISTMAS PRESENT, AND IT'S A TINY GUITARRRRRR! (Trina starts to leave) ...Why are you walking away?

Trina

'Cause i'm embarrassed for you!

Tori

THAT WAS MEAN...

Trina

(reading the tracking number) Here it is, tracking number. A, K, 4, 5, 5, H, J, 1, 4, 7, 7, H, Y, 7, F, L, 4... (later) 6, Q, L, 4, K, 3, 2, A, M, T, Y... (later) K, L, 5, 4, 9, B, D, 6.

Jade

Will you stop that?!

Trina

Shush, they're about to tell me where my package is!

Your package was delivered at...8:21 PM.

Trina

8:21?

Robbie

It's 8:21 right now.

Trina

Oh. (runs to the door) I don't see the-(gets hit by the package and falls to the floor)

Tori

Your package is here!