Trina quotes from Victorious

I am a risk taker!

Don't tell me, tell the gorilla!

WHY DON'T YOU TELL MY BUTT?!

Trina

(offscreen) THAT'S MY THING!

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Dolphins creep me out, so I will not go in the ocean.

Just say A, B or C.

Maybe it was A!

I DON'T CARE!

I'M NOT HAPPY WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP!!! (pause)

...We'll be right back with more of Queries for Couples.

Trina

(walks up next to him) Starring Trina.

STOP IT!

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Oh! Great, it's-it's you guys!

See? They're all here. I told you, they'd all be here.

Listen, I am sorry that we didn't invite you guys to play, but, uh-

Tell her why you didn't invite us to play.

Well...cause...we were...planning your surprise party...?

What?!

André

Alright! We didn't invite you guys to play because you two are always screaming at each other, and it makes everybody feel awkward, it makes Cat faint, and sometimes it makes Robbie cry!

One time! I cried one time!

RRex

Six.

Six times!

See?! We fight so much, even our friends don't want us around!

Tori's not my friend, I only tolerate Robbie, no one likes Trina, and Cat's basically a pet.

Arf!

Trina

Are you guys gonna let her say that nobody likes me?! (Beck and Jade both turn to Tori then back)

So...why don't you guys play cards with us. (touches Jade's arm then walks to the table)

Look, I-I don't want to be your boyfriend if we're just gonna fight all the time.

So you wanna break up?

No, I-I didn't say that. I'm just saying...

Trina

You guys might break up? Because I'm not dating anyone, and I always thought Beck and I would make the perfect- (Jade throws a pillow at her, and she stands shocked)

Next time it's a hammer! C'mon, Beck, take me to get some food.

I'm tired of fighting.

Ok. I'm gonna walk out that door, and I'm gonna count to ten.

Don't forget three. (everyone looks at her) Some people forget it.

If I get to 10 and you're not out there, I'm going home… and we're over. [Jade goes outside] 1!

Trina

(while touching Beck seductively) I would never fight with you.

2… 3… [Cat claps] 4… [Beck heads to the door] 5… [Trina follows Beck to stop him] 6… [Trina jumps on Beck and pins him down]

TRINA! [Tori, André, Robbie and Cat go to Trina]

Trina

Just give me a chance!

Stop!

Trina

Just give me a chance!

Get OFF! NO!(André and Robbie pull Trina off of Beck)

Trina

I'm a really fun girl... (Robbie pins Trina)

(to Trina) No! You're not!

Trina

(while holding Beck's leg) ...And so good looking!

Stop! What are you doing?! Stop! (Beck stands up and goes to the door)

7… (Beck holds the doorknob and stops) 8… (Beck looks at Trina, who is pointing at herself and winking) 9… (André, Cat and Tori glare at one another) 10! (Jade stops while Beck is still inside, holding the doorknob. Jade goes to the door, but steps back and leaves. Inside, Beck lets go of the doorknob while he hears Jade's car leaving)

Let's play some cards.

(sadly) Yeah, let's play… (everybody goes to the table to play cards)

I'll pick up the cards.

André

Make sure you get all 52.

KK. 1, 2, (forgets three) 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11... (Trina sits beside Beck and lies her head on his shoulder)

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(Tori has bought a new Pearphone GX. Suddenly, Trina walks in)

Trina

Hey. Look what I got, everyone. (shows her new Pearphone XT)

The new Pearphone XT?!

Trina

Yep. (Tori, surprised, looks at the phone)

What? No, no, no, no, no..

Trina

Uh huh. They just hit the Pear Store this morning.

(also holding a Pearphone XT) I got one too.

B1Boy #1

(also holding Pearphone XT) Same here.

B2Boy #2

Uh huh.

B3Boy #3

I got one.

LLuther

(holding also a Pearphone XT and a sledgehammer) I got a blue one...... with unlimited texting.

(furiously) DOG JAM IT! (goes to the trash can) Buh-bye! (drops the phone in the trash can)

TRTalking Reggie

Buh-bye! :Tori: Ugh! (kicks the trash can and leaves) :Talking Reggie: EEEEEEERRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

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Trina

I put this stupid chicken in the oven three hours ago, and it's still not cooked!

Ok, um...couple of things. You didn't turn the oven on. This is a turkey. And, um, yeah, it's still frozen.

Trina

Well, what am I supposed to feed Beck?

Does he like turkeycicles?

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(after Trina kisses him) You bit my lip!

Trina

I tried to bite both.

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Will you tell this punk-nut that you like me?

Trina

Well...

Punk-nut?!

Trina... made chicken for me!

Don't you listen to her, she made a turkey! Why would you wanna date a Canadian that doesn't know one food bird from another?!

Trina

I have an idea. Um, how about the three of us eat the turkey together?

No. You pick him or you pick me!

Or maybe I'll pick you up and toss you right out that door!

(grabs him by the shirt) Oh, I would love to see you try!

Trina

Boys, I-

Trina? (he is seen at the door with flowers) Trina, I brought you these... (sniffs) Did someone microwave a turkey?

Who are those flowers for?

They better be for Beck.

They're for Trina.

Trina

Whaaaaaaaaat?

Well, I heard the boys in the locker room say that Beck asked you out so I thought I'd ask you, too. (Andre grabs a shovel and tries to hit Robbie, who screams and runs while Beck and Andre chase him)

Trina wants me, not you idiots! (the three boys start to fight. Andre lifts Robbie up and shakes him. Beck then punches Andre in the face)

Trina

Boys, don't fight over me! Boys, come on! (Andre punches Beck back. Beck goes to Trina and holds her as Robbie throws the flowers to Andre, who retaliates by throwing him in the ground and preparing to hit him with a kettle)

Andre, no!

Trina

[tries to escape, but cannot because Beck holds her tight] Beck!

Don't go! [Andre repeatedly hits Robbie with the kettle] It's disgusting!

Trina

DAD, COME QUICK! THEY'RE KILLING EACH OTHER! [gets out of Beck's clutches, then runs into the garage, sobbing. The boys stop fighting and run behind the couch while laughing, implying that the whole thing was just a joke. Trina then pulls David out of the garage] And then Andre started hitting Robbie with a– [notices the boys are gone] Tea... kettle...

[notices the boys at the couch with puppets] What's going on?

We're doing a puppet show.

[in a British accent] I am the king.

[in a high voice] I am the queen.

And I'm the little pussy cat. Mow.

Trina

But they were just...I swear I saw them in there, they were just... urgh!

Just... promise me when you go to college, it'll be some place far, far away. (leaves)

[in a British accent] Trina, did you learn your lesson?

[in a high voice] About telling lies?

Meow! [he, Robbie and Beck joyfully jump on the couch in circles and leave the house]

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And your question is... Dumb Debbie was so dumb.

CBCat, Beck, André, Robbie, Jade and Trina

HOW DUMB WAS SHE?

She was so dumb, she didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools... blank.

(Later, after the others have filled in their answers)

Okay, Tori. Dumb Debbie was so dumb. She didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools...

...Day.

Day. Mm-hmm. Day. Well, let's see if you match anybody. (clears throat) André!

André

Roses are red, storm clouds are gray. Debbie's so dumb, she didn't realize it was April Fools... (takes his card and turns it over) Lobster. (a buzzer rings, and a lobster comes out near the entrance and charges towards Tori)

That's the lobster! AAH! (the lobster pushes her to the ground, rubs her butt and slaps her back before running off)

All right now, get up! (she does) Jade, what's your answer?

Well I figured she was so dumb... she thought April 1st was April Fools... (turns her card over) Berry! (buzzer rings again) That's a thing! Right, April Fools Berry? That's a thing!

Oh, you're a thing. A foul beast of a thing! (everyone else laughs as the lobster comes back)

No no no. No no no, it is not my fault that she said berry! (the lobster places her on the floor as she flails. He then slaps her butt again and runs off)

Alright, upsie daisy! (Tori gets back up) Robbie.

Yes yes, what is it Sikowitz?

Dumb Debbie was so dumb, she didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools...

(turns his card over) Foot. (buzzer, the crowd boos) Oh, shut up, you people. I WAS ON BROADWAY!

Cat, your turn.

Wait, the lobster forgot to push Tori down!

OH, yes!

Cat, why would you remind him?! (the lobster charges at Tori) Okay, n-n-no. See, see, I was-- (the lobster grabs Tori and places her to the ground as she flails. He then flexes and runs off)

Will you GET UP?! (she does) Cat! Dumb Debbie was so dumb, she didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools... blank.

I said... (turns her card over) 'Blank!' (buzzer)

Uh, Cat, I said blank.

(laughs) I love President Ford!

We're not gonna bring the lobster out for that one. (Tori pats him on the back) Uh, Beck!

(in garbled accent) Well, I'm sorry, Doc and I was starving, so I said... (turns his card over) Onion rings. (buzzer, the lobster comes through the entrance)

No. I know. (faints. The lobster then leaves)

(laughs) Okay! One last chance. Your sister. Trina.

Come on, Trina!

Trina

Well, I said... (reveals her card) '...Cut to the next scene!'. (scene cuts to the Vegas' house where Tori waves her arms weirdly)

Oh, your stupid card brought us to this scene! You cost me $5,000!

Trina

But I want an Oompa Loompa now!

You can't HAVE an Oompa Loompa--

EEveryone

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It's not my birthday.

EEveryone

TOUCHDOWN!

There's no football game.

EEveryone

WHERE'S THE BEEF!?

Okay, kids won't get that reference. And... it's April Fools Day!

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Trina

Hey, Tori, here.

Is that a pair of my underwear?

Trina

Yeah, my allergies have been so bad today.

What?

Trina

Tissues make my nose red and sore. These are so soft. (blows her nose in them)

You've been blowing your nose in my underwear?

Trina

Yeah, they're like a giant soft hankie.

Giant?!?

(Robbie approaches)

Well, if it isn't the Vega girls!

Trina

Gross.

You're in a good mood.

Yup. Cause I've finished the song I've been writing.

Oh, is it another song about worms?

Not this time!

Trina

I hate this guy.

This song's about a girl.

Trina

Look, Robbie, I already told you I'm not interested in you.

I didn't mean you. I-

Trina

Okay, you know how some girls say "I only like you as a friend"?

Yeah.

Trina

I don't even like you that way.

(runs around giving out hugs) Free hugs! I want to give free hugs!

Someone's a Happy Cat.

Yeah, me!

Wait, is this because of that guy you met last night?

Uh, huh.

Oh, you met a fella?

Yeah, his name's Evan. Oh, and I invited him here tonight to watch Beck's movie!

Oh, yeah, the screenings tonight. I hear the movie turned out pretty good.

I was the wig master.

(Tori and Cat look at Robbie, then walk away)

So, what did Evan do when you told him your blonde hair was really a wig?

What?

I say, what did Evan do when you told him your blonde hair was really a wig?

That did not come up.

You never told him you were wearing one of my wigs?

I guess not.

Or blue contacts?

Also did not come up.

So, you spent like five hours with this guy, and he still doesn't know what you really look like?

No. Oh, my god! What if he hates redheaded girls with brown eyes?

Don't worry, he won't.

Are you crying?

Yeah, I can't help it! (grabs Tori's underwear) I cry when I'm scared! (blows her nose in them) What is this?

Underwear.

They're so big!

You know what? (grabs underwear and stalks off)

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Those beams. Those laser beams! It's like a cage! A cage! Aaaah, I can't take it!!! Aaah, can't take it, aaah, can't take it! Can't take it!!!

(deadpan, to Andre) Hey, just checkin'. Can you take it?

No! Man, how long have we been sittin' here like this?

12 minutes.

I can't handle being trapped like this. We're like animals!

Oooh, can I be a hippapotamoose?

What?

It's French. For hippopotamus.

Trina

I gotta wazz.

So wazz!

Trina

Wazz where?

Just grab a bin.

Trina

Oh, ho, ho, Trina Vega does not wazz in bins.

At that movie you wazzed in a popcorn bucket.

Trina

A bucket is not a bin.

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(Trina and Sinjin are jumping rope)

Trina

And jump, and jump, and jump, and jump...

I think I'm getting it!

Trina

Good. Now let's do our rhymes.

'Kay kay.

Trina

"B" my name is Betty and my husband's name is Bob...

...We live in bubble city where we sell beeeeaaaaaaver medicine.

Trina

Why don't you start the next one?

"S" my name is Sinjin and my wife's name is Trina...

Trina

[lets the rope down] I'm done with this. (leaves)

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DDirector

Trina, are these your amigas?

Trina

No, this is my mean sister and her rude friend.

Hey! Do not call me her friend.