Okay, Beck. What role will Cat be playing at the Great Sikowitz Sleepover?
Cat will play a 1980s standup comedian...who's very annoying!
Now, Cat! Who will Robbie be playing?
Well...i've decided, Robbie's role should be a motivational speaker...
Who just drank some weird beverage that makes his legs weak and wobbly! (laughs)
Okay, so, uh, i'm a motivational speaker with...jelly legs.
Wonderful. Robbie, tell us the character you've chosen for Beck.
Sure! One sec. (presses some buttons on his PearPad then turns it to them) Okay. Beck will be playing... (turns the PearPad to face them) A guy from England whose accent is really hard to understand, and he's always invading people's personal space.
(in a British accent) No problem.
Andre! What do you have in store for Torro?
Did you just call me Torro?
I know. But I do love that fatty tuna.
(to Robbie) Should I be offended?
Okay, uh, Tori's character will be a cop who wears way too much red lipstick, and is obsessed with raisin bran.
Where did you come up with that?
Well, see, I had this dream last night, where this lady cop was like...and she was like...then I was like...I just thought of it.
Tori! Tell us what Jade will be.
Love to. (As she walks in front of the others, Jade looks worried that Tori will say something she will hate.) Jade will be an innocent farm girl from Alabama who's always super sweet and nice and never gets upset about anything.
JadeI'd rather slam my tongue in a car door.
Now tell us who Andre will be playing.
Jade
Ugh, fine... (stands up and walks in front of the others) You're gonna be a guy who's just finished running a marathon...
Jade
Who also happens to be nine months pregnant.
(Jade burns her hands after touching a very hot tray)
Jade
My goodness, that tray was hot! Oh, well. Look at it! My skin's starting to blister! And I do believe that's the sweet smell of my burning flesh!
Uh, Jade, perhaps I should try----
Jade
Who's Jade? My name is Betsy-Sue Goldenheart. A happy farm girl who's experiencing extreme pain right now! Aaaooooowwwwwww.... (Jade smiles and exits the house)
And yet, she never broke character.
Jade
MOVE THIS CAR! (glass breaks and a car siren goes off)
AND...your neighbor's car window. (a police siren wails)
Go inside, go inside. (pushes Tori inside and closes the door)
(Robbie, Cat, Andre, Jade and Jason watch Terms of Endearment, a romantic drama film, and they won't stop laughing.)
(annoyingly) HOW is that funny?!
Does she ever quit crying?
Jade
Ah, she'll be dead in minutes. (Both David and Holly get irritated and walk upstairs. Then, Robbie, Cat, Jason, Andre and Jade continue to laugh out loud)
Whoa, somebody's all happy about something.
Jade
Yeah, it's making me sick.
Hey, um, is there a reason that girls don't wanna go out with me?
You mean, like, one reason that stands out over all the other reasons?
(after a pause, aggravated) So why are you happy?
Because Ryder Daniels asked me out.
Ooh, he's hot! (they all stare at him) Stare all you want, I'm secure.
Jade
I don't trust that Ryder guy.
You just hate the idea of anything good happening for me.
Jade
That could not be more true. (pause) I'm just saying, any dude that hot and that perfect has to be hiding something.
So I guess you think Beck is hiding something.
Jade
Oh, he was until I found out.
Jade
That you were born in CANADA! [leaves]
[goes after her] It wasn't a secret!
Jade
You must feel pretty stupid right now.
Jade
No! I was just trying to-
Go sit on the steps! (she does)
Well, you're not still gonna sing a duet with that jerk, right?
Yeah, but I don't want to fail too!
So, what are you gonna sing?
(starts to come to her senses) A song...a really cool song that you're gonna help me write, tonight!
But I gotta- (the others all interrupt as he tries to speak) ALRIGHT! I'll just celebrate my 97-year old great grandpa's birthday with him next year. Possibly! (he walks up to the piano) Well, come on!
Just tell us where the girl is.
I told you, I DON'T KNOW!
Okay, if you don't know, you don't know. [slaps Beck hard then grabs his shirt] NOW DO YOU KNOW?!
Hey, man! Get your partner off of me!
You better tell her what she wants to know. [licks a lollipop]
You got three seconds to talk.
(Cat slaps him again)
She's in my basement! [Cat lets go of him] She's in my basement. [gets on his knees and cries]
[The students turns to Sikowitz]
[gets up] Yeah, it was all too predictable. There were no, [puts on a shocked face] AHH, surprises.
Jade
I enjoyed the slapping.
See, entertainment is so much more entertaining, when the characters do something the audience doesn't expect.
I don't get what you're trying to say here.
You've bewildered everybody.
[The students begin to talk all at once.]
All right, okay, maybe I'm wrong. Let's move on the something else. [Cat, Beck and Andre sit back down] Let's talk about our hopes and dreams. [points to Tori] Tori.
[points to Sikowitz] Sikowitz.
What's your biggest hope and/or dream? [smiles at her]
Uh...probably to be a pop star. A really successful singer.
[laughs nervously with him] What?
Oh, well, maybe you could sing at weddings for the hearing impaired. [continues laughing]
[The students looks at Sikowitz in shock.]
Jade
Okay, this is the most fun class ever.
[sad] You really don't think I can make it as a singer?
Nope. HA! You see? You're all staring at me with rapt attention. Why? Because, as a teacher, you expect me to encourage my students not puke on their dreams. Right?
[The students agree]
This is what I'm trying to explain. When characters do the unexpected- [falls suddenly] audiences pay attention.
[The bell rings.]
That's lunchtime. Get out.
[The students get up and leave.]
Hey, Jade. That's a nice new sweater.
Jade
Thanks. It's made out of puppet hair.
Hey. Look at the new costume I made. Can you guess who I am?
You're uh, Little Boy Poop.
Little Bo Peep. Alright, can I tell you guys how much I'm loving my new costume design class?
And my teacher says I have a gift for knowing people's exact measurements.
Jade
I'm not with him.
[to Robbie] Hey, Robbie, do you want me to tell you what size pants you are?
I already know. They're a size four.
(Cat laughs)
Jade
Size four?
That's how they measure girls' pants.
What? Rex, you promised me these were boy jeans.
Heh heh heh. You've been Rexed.
Hey. Will you guys take a look at my headshot and resume?
Sikowitz got me an audition for a movie.
Jade
I don't care.
You look twelve in this pic.
Well that was the last time I was shot by a professional photographer.
My brother got shot by a clown.
Because my brother kept poking him and saying "What you gonna do about it, clown? Huh?" (pause) It happened on a bus.
Jade
(pulls out a coloring book and crayons) Cat, color the tiger.
Well, now I have to find a professional photographer.
(Sinjin walks over)
Did someone say she needs a professional photographer?
Yeah, I don't seem so weird anymore, do I?
What did you say, Girl Pants?
Alright, you gotta work on this resume.
Why, what's wrong with it?
You only have one play on there.
Well, that's all I've been in.
So? Just say you've acted in more stuff.
Jade
Yes!
Well, it's not really lying...
Did I mention the clown was my cousin Jesse?
Jade
[sternly] Color the pretty tiger.
You gotta have more things under special skills.
Jade
Yeah, you put bike riding as a special skill. Who can't ride a bike?
(puts hand over Rex's mouth) Can you keep any secret?
So what "special skills" should I add?
Jade
Flirtatious hair flipping.
Okay, I do not flip my hair flirtatiously!
Jade
Oh, and this doesn't seem familiar? [Imitating Tori] Why, hello, boys! My name is Tori Vega! Buy me some licorice and I'll give you a kiss!
I talk NOTHING like that. (to the rest of the gang) Seriously, do I talk anything like that? (the others all imitate Tori at the same time. Tori puts a picture of herself in front of her face)
Really? I had no idea you did stunt work.
I don't! I'm not a stunt double!
Then why'd you accept the job?
I don't know. Because I'm stupid?
Jade
I've been telling you people she's stupid, but did anyone believe me?
Alright, wait. Why did they even offer you a job as a stunt double?
Because of my resume? Under "special skills" I put gymnastics and karate, and that made them think I could do stunts.
Jade
See, you should never lie on your resume. (Tori gives her a dirty look) Well, that's not a pretty face.
Jade
I'm sick of this. Ice cream reminds me of my childhood.
You didn't have a happy childhood?
Jade
My favorite toy was a hammer. You finish the puzzle.
(aside, to Jade) You know, you don't have to help.
Jade
Don't push me.
But, if we win and Kesha does do a private concert, only the people who help find the letters get to come.
Jade
[Imitating Tori] Only the people who help find the letters get to come.
Jade
Ooh, you don't look happy.
Jade
Yay.
Trina giving you a rough time?
Yes. Do you know she sleep sweats?
Jade
Sleep sweats?
Yeah, she made me go into her room last night every two hours, with a sponge, lift her arms, and then -
Tori. Hey, answer my phone.
Jade
You're her assistant, so do what she says.
Thank you, Jade. [touches Jade's arm]
Jade
Never touch me.
(Robbie is carrying a bucket of ice cream)
I don't think we should waste all this ice cream, so I'm gonna take it to that playground around the corner and give it to some little kids.
Uh, I don't know how kids mothers are gonna feel about a strange guy handing out-
Jade
(aside, to Beck) Let him do it.
(to Jade) No, you're terrible, you're a terrible influence-
Jade
Just let him do it. Just let him do it!
Victorious · 532 quotes
