Tori quotes from Victorious

Wait, who got bit by monkeys?

Tori

The director's kid.

Did he taunt the monkeys?

Tori

And what if I end up in the hospital?

Jade

(Imitating Tori) Well maybe you'll meet a handsome young doctor, get married and share a soda pop!

Tori

I DON'T talk like a movie star from the 1940s!

Tori

Beck? Beck?

Beck

(Enters, wearing a wig and Tori's dress and speaks in a high-pitched voice) Yes?

Tori

Beck?

Beck

I'm not Beck. I'm you.

Jade

[After pushing Tori of the balcony, in a southern belle accent] You're ever so welcome!

Tori

I don't talk like that!!

Robbie

[Cat is upset and refusing to talk to Robbie at lunch] Cat? Cat, come on. You can't be mad at me over something that I did in your dream.

Cat

It's what you didn't do.

Robbie

Well, would you at least tell me what I didn't do?

Cat

Fine. These little kids were trying to eat us, and you wouldn't even try to help me. You were just crying and yelling "No, no. Don't eat me. Eat her, eat her."

Robbie

Well, I'm sorry. And if a bunch of little kids ever really do try to eat us, I promise to...well, why shouldn't they eat you first?

Cat

Robbie!

Robbie

I wanna live. There's things I've never tried. There's things I really, really, really wanna do.

Tori

What do you really, really, really wanna do?

Robbie

Ride a pony. Take a cooking class. (Robbie pauses, embarrassed) Other things.

Jade

I'm sick of this. Ice cream reminds me of my childhood.

Cat

You didn't have a happy childhood?

Jade

My favorite toy was a hammer. You finish the puzzle.

Beck

(aside, to Jade) You know, you don't have to help.

Jade

Don't push me.

Beck

What?

Tori

But, if we win and Kesha does do a private concert, only the people who help find the letters get to come.

Jade

[Imitating Tori] Only the people who help find the letters get to come.

Tori

I don't talk like that.

Jade

Ooh, you don't look happy.

Tori

I'm not.

Jade

Yay.

Beck

Trina giving you a rough time?

Tori

Yes. Do you know she sleep sweats?

Jade

Sleep sweats?

Tori

Yeah, she made me go into her room last night every two hours, with a sponge, lift her arms, and then -

Trina

Tori. Hey, answer my phone.

Tori

What? I don't wanna.

Jade

You're her assistant, so do what she says.

Trina

Thank you, Jade. [touches Jade's arm]

Jade

Never touch me.

Tori

(after she finds out the contest is still on) I can still win the contest.

Sinjin

[references Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory] Run for it, Tori. Run straight home and don't stop until you get there.

Tori

Hey, where you going?

Robbie

I don't think we should waste all this ice cream, so I'm gonna take it to that playground around the corner and give it to some little kids.

Beck

Uh, I don't know how kids mothers are gonna feel about a strange guy handing out-

Jade

(aside, to Beck) Let him do it.

Beck

(to Jade) No, you're terrible, you're a terrible influence-

Jade

Just let him do it. Just let him do it!

Beck

(to Robbie) Good luck.

Tori

Robbie, what happened?

Robbie

I went to the playground, I got off my bike, I yelled "Hey, kids, who wants some free ice cream?" And then their mothers chased me into an alley and beat me with sticks.

Cat

Sticks? (Jade chuckles)

Robbie

One big mom stepped on my neck.

Jade

Ya gotta love big moms.

Beck

K.

Jade

A.

Tori

A.

Beck

A.

Cat

H.

K.

Tori

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Cat, what'd you say?

Cat

When?

Tori

Just a second ago.

Cat

(pause) I said "when."

Tori

No, before that.

Cat

Oh, I said "H".

Tori

H?

Andre

H? Yes! (everybody runs to Cat)

Robbie

She's got it! She got the H!

Cat

(laughs) I feel so loved.

Beck

(enters) Hey.

Andre

Where's the ice cream?

Tori

Yeah. Didn't you get some more?

Beck

Nope. Check Ke$ha's last update. (Tori, Andre, Jade and Cat grab their phones)

Tori

(reads the update) "Congrats to the dude in Northridge who found all the letters and spelled out Ke$ha. Thanks for playing. Ke$ha later."

Andre

Contest over.

Jade

Great. I spent nine hours of my life violating pints of ice cream for nothing.

Robbie

Well I got stick beat by vicious mothers.

Tori

(sadly) I hate everything.

Cat

(stands up) Well... (goes to Tori) ...don't be sad.

Tori

I am sad, cause I didn't marry a prince and I don't live in a magic sugar castle, and now, we can't win the Ke$ha concert which means that I gotta keep being Trina's stupid assistant for 28 more days.

Cat

That's so sad.

Andre

Come on. It's okay. Maybe...maybe Trina will just forget about it.

Tori

I need the S! [starts whimpering and despairing on Andre's shoulder] Where is the S?

Andre

[hugging Tori] I don't know baby, I just don't know.

Tori

(frustrated after opening the Funky Nut Blast can) No. It's just a dumb... H.

Andre

Well maybe there's another pint.

Jade

(looking in the ice cream freezer) There's not. That's the only Funky Nut Blast.

(concerned) Tori.

Andre

We're in public. Please.

(pointing at Tori) I want to kiss you.

Tori

What?

(pointing at Cat) And her.

(pointing at Jade) And the freaky one.

Jade

What?

Andre

You better stop there.