Tori quotes from Victorious

Sikowitz

I spy a fly, with my little thigh!

Tori

Thigh?

Sikowitz

Okay, Beck. What role will Cat be playing at the Great Sikowitz Sleepover?

Beck

Cat will play a 1980s standup comedian...who's very annoying!

Cat

I wanna be a unicorn!

Beck

You can't!

Cat

Phooey..!

Sikowitz

Now, Cat! Who will Robbie be playing?

Cat

Well...i've decided, Robbie's role should be a motivational speaker...

Robbie

Pfft. I could do that!

Cat

Who just drank some weird beverage that makes his legs weak and wobbly! (laughs)

Robbie

Okay, so, uh, i'm a motivational speaker with...jelly legs.

Cat

Yeah, i'm creative.

Sikowitz

Wonderful. Robbie, tell us the character you've chosen for Beck.

Robbie

Sure! One sec. (presses some buttons on his PearPad then turns it to them) Okay. Beck will be playing... (turns the PearPad to face them) A guy from England whose accent is really hard to understand, and he's always invading people's personal space.

Beck

(in a British accent) No problem.

Sikowitz

Andre! What do you have in store for Torro?

Tori

Did you just call me Torro?

Sikowitz

Maybe.

Tori

It's To-RI!

Sikowitz

I know. But I do love that fatty tuna.

Tori

(to Robbie) Should I be offended?

Andre

Okay, uh, Tori's character will be a cop who wears way too much red lipstick, and is obsessed with raisin bran.

Tori

Where did you come up with that?

Andre

Well, see, I had this dream last night, where this lady cop was like...and she was like...then I was like...I just thought of it.

Sikowitz

Tori! Tell us what Jade will be.

Tori

Love to. (As she walks in front of the others, Jade looks worried that Tori will say something she will hate.) Jade will be an innocent farm girl from Alabama who's always super sweet and nice and never gets upset about anything.

Jade

I'd rather slam my tongue in a car door.

Sikowitz

Now tell us who Andre will be playing.

Jade

Ugh, fine... (stands up and walks in front of the others) You're gonna be a guy who's just finished running a marathon...

Andre

Okay.

Jade

Who also happens to be nine months pregnant.

Andre

...Who's the daddy?

I'm going with some guys to see the Waldogs play at the moxie.

Cat

I'll go with you to see the Waldogs play at the moxie, I'll go right now!

Sikowitz

EEEECK! Cat...you just broke character. (opens the door)

Cat

Yay! (drops her microphone and leaves with Jason) Bye, everyone, I'll be at the moxie! (Sikowitz shuts the door after they leave.)

Tori

And to THINK I was gonna let that boy eat my Raisin Bran!

Tori

Why don't you stop invading my personal space, and have a little of this Raisin Bran?!

Beck

(in British accent) I'm game. So why don't you pop a dabble in my mouth.

Jade

My goodness, that tray was hot! Oh, well. Look at it! My skin's starting to blister! And I do believe that's the sweet smell of my burning flesh!

Sikowitz

Uh, Jade, perhaps I should try----

Jade

Who's Jade? My name is Betsy-Sue Goldenheart. A happy farm girl who's experiencing extreme pain right now! Aaaooooowwwwwww.... (Jade smiles and exits the house)

Sikowitz

And yet, she never broke character.

Jade

MOVE THIS CAR! (glass breaks and a car siren goes off)

Sikowitz

You broke character!

Tori

AND...your neighbor's car window. (a police siren wails)

Sikowitz

Go inside, go inside. (pushes Tori inside and closes the door)

Sikowitz

(into his walkie) I can't take it anymore-ALRIGHT! (stands up, and turns to face Tori and Beck) Since it's obvious...neither one of you are going to be breaking character anytime soon, and I can't STAND being here with either one of you anymore...I'm going to bed. You can help yourself to anything in the refrigerator but please. (explicitly) Do NOT look in the cabinet under the sink in my bathroom. PLEASE. ...Good night. (walks away)

Beck

(in British accent) Have you ever seen a carnivorous wildebeest rubbing up fat Dan Schneider walking-

Tori

I AM A POLICE OFFICER!

Beck

Egofen.

Beck

(in normal voice) Hey, what time is it?

Tori

...AH! AHHH! YOU... BROKE CHARACTER! YOU LOST! (stands up) I AM A POLICE OFFICER, AND I AM VICTORIOUS! ENJOY SOME RAISIN BRAN, YOU FREAKISH BRIT! (pours some Raisin Bran on a smiling Beck) THIS IS OFFICER PADESCO. CODE 3! (imitates a police siren noise while running out) (screams) Ha-Ha!

[singing] Hey hey, Tori Vega! Won't you be our very special-

Tori

NO!

[disappointed then go after Andre] Hey, hey, Andre Harris!

Andre

 (off screen) NO!

Tori

(happy) Hey!

Andre

Whoa, somebody's all happy about something.

Jade

Yeah, it's making me sick.

Robbie

Hey, um, is there a reason that girls don't wanna go out with me?

Tori

You mean, like, one reason that stands out over all the other reasons?

Ha!

Robbie

(after a pause, aggravated) So why are you happy?

Tori

Because Ryder Daniels asked me out.

Ooh, he's hot! (they all stare at him) Stare all you want, I'm secure.

Jade

I don't trust that Ryder guy.

Tori

You just hate the idea of anything good happening for me.

Jade

That could not be more true. (pause) I'm just saying, any dude that hot and that perfect has to be hiding something.

Andre

So I guess you think Beck is hiding something.

Jade

Oh, he was until I found out.

Beck

Wha-what was I hiding?

Jade

That you were born in CANADA! [leaves]

Beck

[goes after her] It wasn't a secret!

Tori

Did that bush just waddle? (opens the door and walks outside) ROBBIE SHAPIRO!

Robbie

(from behind the bush) Yes?

Tori

You were invading my privacy!

Robbie

Well at least I didn't snoop through Ryder's phone.

Tori

(in a "go away" tone) EAHHHHHHHHH!

Robbie

Eahhhh! (leaves)

Tori

WHOA! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What?

Tori

Are you about to kiss me?

Yeah.

Tori

(cheerfully) Okay. (they do, and she leans on a button on her computer that sets off music) Sorry!

It's cool.

Tori

Did I bite your lip?

Little bit.

Jade

You must feel pretty stupid right now.

Beck

Okay, that's a time out.

Jade

No! I was just trying to-

Beck

Go sit on the steps! (she does)

Tori

So what do I do now?

Andre

Well, you're not still gonna sing a duet with that jerk, right?

Tori

Ugh. No way!

Beck

Good. So he'll fail.

Tori

Yeah, but I don't want to fail too!

Andre

So, what are you gonna sing?

Tori

(starts to come to her senses) A song...a really cool song that you're gonna help me write, tonight!

Andre

I can't!

Tori

You have to!

Andre

But I gotta- (the others all interrupt as he tries to speak) ALRIGHT! I'll just celebrate my 97-year old great grandpa's birthday with him next year. Possibly! (he walks up to the piano) Well, come on!

Andre

Just tell us where the girl is.

Beck

I told you, I DON'T KNOW!

Cat

Okay, if you don't know, you don't know. [slaps Beck hard then grabs his shirt] NOW DO YOU KNOW?!

Beck

Hey, man! Get your partner off of me!

Andre

You better tell her what she wants to know. [licks a lollipop]

Cat

You got three seconds to talk.

Beck

I-I-I don't know. I-

Beck

She's in my basement! [Cat lets go of him] She's in my basement. [gets on his knees and cries]

Sikowitz

Boring.

Andre

That was boring?

Sikowitz

[gets up] Yeah, it was all too predictable. There were no, [puts on a shocked face] AHH, surprises.

Jade

I enjoyed the slapping.

Sikowitz

See, entertainment is so much more entertaining, when the characters do something the audience doesn't expect.

Robbie

I don't get what you're trying to say here.

You've bewildered everybody.

Sikowitz

All right, okay, maybe I'm wrong. Let's move on the something else. [Cat, Beck and Andre sit back down] Let's talk about our hopes and dreams. [points to Tori] Tori.

Tori

[points to Sikowitz] Sikowitz.

Sikowitz

What's your biggest hope and/or dream? [smiles at her]

Tori

Uh...probably to be a pop star. A really successful singer.

Sikowitz

[laughs insanely]

Tori

[laughs nervously with him] What?

Sikowitz

Oh, well, maybe you could sing at weddings for the hearing impaired. [continues laughing]

Jade

Okay, this is the most fun class ever.

Tori

[sad] You really don't think I can make it as a singer?

Sikowitz

Nope. HA! You see? You're all staring at me with rapt attention. Why? Because, as a teacher, you expect me to encourage my students not puke on their dreams. Right?

Tori

Uh huh.

Sikowitz

This is what I'm trying to explain. When characters do the unexpected- [falls suddenly] audiences pay attention.

Tori

Oh, I have a headache.

Sikowitz

That's lunchtime. Get out.

Hey, Jade. That's a nice new sweater.

Jade

Thanks. It's made out of puppet hair.

Dang, woman.

Cat

Hey. Look at the new costume I made. Can you guess who I am?

Beck

No.

Andre

You're uh, Little Boy Poop.

Cat

Little Bo Peep. Alright, can I tell you guys how much I'm loving my new costume design class?

Uh...

Cat

And my teacher says I have a gift for knowing people's exact measurements.

Robbie

Hey, peepolinis!!

Jade

I'm not with him.

Cat

[to Robbie] Hey, Robbie, do you want me to tell you what size pants you are?

Robbie

I already know. They're a size four.

Jade

Size four?

Cat

That's how they measure girls' pants.

Robbie

What? Rex, you promised me these were boy jeans.

Heh heh heh. You've been Rexed.

Tori

Hey. Will you guys take a look at my headshot and resume?

Andre

Sure. Why?

Tori

Sikowitz got me an audition for a movie.

Jade

I don't care.

Andre

You look twelve in this pic.

Tori

Well that was the last time I was shot by a professional photographer.

Cat

My brother got shot by a clown.

Andre

Why?

Cat

Because my brother kept poking him and saying "What you gonna do about it, clown? Huh?" (pause) It happened on a bus.

Jade

(pulls out a coloring book and crayons) Cat, color the tiger.

Cat

Yay, crayons!

Tori

Well, now I have to find a professional photographer.

Sinjin

Did someone say she needs a professional photographer?

Tori

Yeah, you know one?

Sinjin

Nope. (walks off again)

Robbie

Yeah, I don't seem so weird anymore, do I?

What did you say, Girl Pants?

Andre

Alright, you gotta work on this resume.

Tori

Why, what's wrong with it?

Robbie

You only have one play on there.

Tori

Well, that's all I've been in.

Andre

So? Just say you've acted in more stuff.

Tori

Lie?

Jade

Yes!

Beck

Well, it's not really lying...

It's exaggerating!

Cat

Did I mention the clown was my cousin Jesse?

Jade

[sternly] Color the pretty tiger.

Tori

So, back to my resume...

Andre

You gotta have more things under special skills.

Jade

Yeah, you put bike riding as a special skill. Who can't ride a bike?

Take a guess.

Robbie

(puts hand over Rex's mouth) Can you keep any secret?

Tori

So what "special skills" should I add?

Andre

Gymnastics.

Beck

Martial arts.

Robbie

Skydiving.

Jade

Flirtatious hair flipping.

Tori

Okay, I do not flip my hair flirtatiously!

Jade

Oh, and this doesn't seem familiar? [Imitating Tori] Why, hello, boys! My name is Tori Vega! Buy me some licorice and I'll give you a kiss!

Tori

I talk NOTHING like that. (to the rest of the gang) Seriously, do I talk anything like that? (the others all imitate Tori at the same time. Tori puts a picture of herself in front of her face)

Tori

So I said ok.

Sikowitz

Really? I had no idea you did stunt work.

Tori

I don't! I'm not a stunt double!

Sikowitz

Then why'd you accept the job?

Tori

I don't know. Because I'm stupid?

Jade

I've been telling you people she's stupid, but did anyone believe me?

Andre

Alright, wait. Why did they even offer you a job as a stunt double?

Tori

Because of my resume? Under "special skills" I put gymnastics and karate, and that made them think I could do stunts.

Jade

See, you should never lie on your resume. (Tori gives her a dirty look) Well, that's not a pretty face.