Homecoming season is upon us...
Much like the plague.
S2Blast from the Past
It sounds like you don't need a photographer from the "Neptune Navigator" who knows how to shoot your good side.
I got nothing but good sides, baby.
It's weird that you live here. I don't want you going all 'Howard Hughes-y' on me.
I am not a shut-in. These nails? Neatly trimmed. Though, now that you mention it, I have started bottling my own urine.
Ew.
[to Duncan] You're here for your looks. Why don't you leave the heavy thinking to me, sugarpants? Now go make yourself pretty.
[answers phone] Chesty LaRue. Hey, Duncan. I'm fine. I'm slathering up my boobs as we speak.
S2Rat Saw God
Dude. My stepmom?
I am a total piece of crap.
Better you than the cable guy, I guess. And I'd be lying to say if I've never perved on your mom while she was prancin' around the pool in that hardly there bikini of hers.
Great. So...no hard feelings?
No, she gave me a few.
Sheriff would like to have a word with you.
And I'd like to be the cream filling of an Olsen twins sandwich, but...
Will you come with me, please?
If I'm under arrest, then do me the courtesy of making it all official like. [Sacks cuffs Logan.] Now that's more like it.
You're under arrest for the murder of Felix Toombs.
Ooh, I am having the weirdest déjà vu.
[Logan is picked out of a police lineup.]
OOfficer
Number four, step forward.
Oh wow, I'm stunned. You like me! You really like me! Well first, I'd just like to say the other, uh, nominees are all such wonderfully gifted criminals. And I wanna thank my agent and my publicist for always shooting me from the left side.
So, my tax dollars at work. Where were you? Getting thirds at the Crazy Girls lunch buffet?
Actually, they discontinued the buffet. Some health code thing. Okay, my name is Cliff, I'll be your 'if-you-cannot-afford-an-attorney' attorney. So. What are you trying to prove?
Um...my innocence?
No. I mean with this 'poor little rich boy' stunt. Having me represent you doesn't make you look innocent. It makes you look like an arrogant jackass. If the witness' story holds, you are going to trial.
Hmm. The guy's lying.
June 27th: you gave testimony saying that you couldn't remember a thing. Now, he comes forward saying he saw you, bloody knife in hand, ranting like a maniac over a dead body.
And what exactly did I say, huh?
"The [expletive] [racial expletive] had it [maternal expletive] coming."
[explaining the benefits of an ankle monitor] ...And the other sweet thing is that I'm in constant video contact with Martha Stewart, right?
S2Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
[reciting The Big Lebowski] I'm not Mr. Lebowski, you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the dude...so that's what you call me...either that or uh dudeness, duder, El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
Veronica, you need to stop being The Dude.
Stoner Bowler doesn't do it for you?
A little. Only because I like the way your lips pout when you do guy voice.
These lips? I've had them for years, I can't do a thing with them.
Seriously, though. I was reading 'The Third Wheel: A Beginner's Guide,' and we should come up with, like, some kind of codeword for when you guys are feeling frisky and don't want to be disturbed.
Like "scram"?
I was thinking..."awkward." But scram is good. Or "amscray." [Opens the door to see Kendall] You're not my grilled cheese.
No. [Notices Veronica and Duncan sitting on the couch] iPod girl. With the waxy-eared boyfriend. Small world.
Like this big. [gestures with her thumb and finger]
My codeword will be..."endurance."
[Later]
[kisses Veronica's neck] Weren't we doing something?
We were making out on the couch and then that happened. [points to the room Logan and Kendall just entered]
Look who got an invite to the Sheriff Department's Fundraiser/Bachelor Auction.
Please say "Veronica Mars."
Sorry, sweetheart. You can't buy love. Bored wives of the wealthy, however, can. I'm wondering if they'll sell Sheriff Lamb by the pound.
All right, people, pair up. You each have a piece of paper with an STD on it. You have to inform your partner that you have said STD.
All right, Gia, we can be partners, but no glove, no love.
Yeah, let's get the dried-up divorcée to teach us about sex.
I heard her husband left her for a man.
And now we get bitchy and bitter for a year.
Mrs. Hauser, mine's wrong. Isn't this a flower?
No, Gia. Chlamydia is not a flower.
Well, we have it on, like, a trellis at our beach house.
Your trellis is a whore.
Pretty Woman is still my favorite movie. Vivian is, like, my hero.
She's a hooker.
Only because she had to be.
She's a hooker.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veronica Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.