Johnny Donnelly quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Johnny

Anyway, I guess you and Berg didn't really hit it off.

Actually, Berg and I had a terrific time.

Berg

(confused) We did? (Shaun kisses Berg), Hey look at that, we did.

Berg

You’re going to propose?

Johnny

Yeah.

Berg

Do you know all her family lost their money?

Johnny

I don’t care.

Berg

Is she pregnant? Are you an illegal alien? Do you need a kidney?

Johnny

I love her.

Berg

Congratulations! Her family is loaded!

Berg

Sharon is our best friend, if we find out your cheating on her we’ll kick your ass!

Johnny

You two are going to kick my ass?

Pete

We have friends.

Sharon

Actually, we're engaged 'in theory.'

Pete

Oh, that's great, congratulations. I'd explain it to Collette if I spoke French, and understood what you were talking about.

Sharon

Why is everyone having such a tough time with this? It's very simple; an engagement is a promise to be married. and I am promising to be engaged, which in theory is a promise to be married, hence we are engaged in theory.

Johnny

Good luck finding a card for that.

Pete

This is really important to me. I’m making good money now.

Johnny

Money isn’t everything.

Pete

Yeah, that’s what people who don’t make money say.

Johnny

Ok, just a little farther. Lucky I ran into you, you're a lifesaver.

Oh, I'm a people person. (sets down cooler) You know, if you're going to freeze yourself, you're going to need a lot more dry ice than that.

Johnny

No, it's for the punch bowl.

Oh, then you're fine.

Johnny

So, um, what do you do?

I don't think you'd be interested, it's kind of cerebral.

Johnny

I don't know, I'm a pretty open-minded person.

Well, maybe I could come back later to pick your brain.

Johnny

How many years of school have you had?

Ashley

A year of prep school, four years of college and three of medical school.

Johnny

And yet you are going to die in a sink.

Johnny

You would look great if you showed up in overalls.

Sharon

Yes but I want our wedding to be different than your sisters'.

Irene

Excuse me Superintendent Donnelly, I have a grievance

Johnny

OK, Irene, this is really not a good time.

Irene

But this is urgent. I've discovered a violation in the lease agreement. It specifically prohibits prostitutes in the building and Pete's girlfriend is a whore.

Johnny

Don’t you’ll make me cry.

Sharon

Are you crying because you are an idiot cause that’s why I’m crying. This place is a dump!

Johnny

I take a lot of pride in doing this myself, my great grandfather built the house I grew up in.

Sharon

Well dig him up, you need help.

Johnny

My wife is on a date with another woman.

Berg

Sweet.

Johnny

So did you tell Pete you and Irene are sleeping together?

Berg

No, I didn't want to ruin their date

Johnny

Let me guess, it's one of those restaurants where the waiters are rude, the portions are small and they make you wear long pants.

Ashley

And the forks are for eating, not scratching.

Johnny

How could you stand being around Ashley?

Berg

She let me sleep with her.