Johnny Donnelly quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Sharon

I can take care of myself.

Johnny

Yes but you just don't.

Johnny

I always thought you and Irene made a better couple.

Berg

Really?

Johnny

Yeah, I mean no matter how weird you act or how big of an ass you make of yourself, it doesn't seem to bother her.

Sharon

We are going to a business mixer tonight.

Johnny

I don't want to go to a business mixer.

Sharon

Sorry, I meant 'free booze.'

Ashley

I am definitely not pregnant.

Johnny

How do you know?

Ashley

Because I am about to start a medical residency 30,000 miles away at Stanford and if I were pregnant that would complicate things and therefore I’m not.

Johnny

That will be a good story to tell your illegitimate baby.

Johnny

Oh, so Ashley told you she forgot to take her pill.

Pete

What?!

Johnny

Easy! She isn’t pregnant.

Pete

How do you know?

Johnny

She says she doesn’t want to be.

Ashley

I’m not pregnant!

Johnny

If you were it would be great. Your kid could look down on our kid and our kid could walk yours to therapy.