Doctor Ashley Walker quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Berg

Ashley, what are you doing here?

Ashley

Well, it’s a women’s gym, so obviously I was in the back having a pillow fight in my panties.

Berg

How was your first shift without me?

Ashley

Oh, it was horrible. People were being professional, Work was being done. No one even had the decency to follow me around with a jar of eyeballs, singing 'I Only Have Eyes For You'.

Ashley

You’re right. I do have feelings for you. There are you happy?

Berg

I’m happy, I’m stunned, I’m shocked, I’m a walking festival.

Ashley

It’s not that simple. The problem is I have a…

Berg

You have a what? A plane to catch? A rash?

Ashley

No Berg, I have a boyfriend.

Ashley

You make me feel, you make me feel…

Berg

Like dancing?

Ashley

I hate you!

Berg

I despise you!

Ashley

I loathe you!

Berg

I'can get us a room!

Ashley

I can drive!

Berg

You just ruined my one chance at a healthy relationship!

Ashley

I'm so sorry! I just broke up your '35 second' relationship!

Sharon

I want everyone to know I am just here for Berg.

Ashley

Well, why do you think I'm here?

Sharon

According to the Bible, to balance good.

Pete

Hey, Ashley, you know what? Your flying monkeys were just in here looking for you.

Ashley

I see they left behind a munchkin.

Pete

Ashley, how did you get in here?

Ashley

Well, I figured you'd do something stupid like change the locks, so I left the window open a crack.

Pete

A crack? Oh, wait a minute, I forgot vampires can turn into mist.

Pete

If you're gonna wait, wait over there.

Ashley

Fine.

Pete

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. I'm not pointing to the booth. I'm pointing to Rhode Island.

Pete

Oh Ashley I like your perfume.

Ashley

Thanks Pete.

Pete

What is it? Brimstone?

Ashley

Guys, guys, Sharon and Johnny are coming.

Berg

Damn! Stall!

Ashley

Brilliant! Because I was just going to warn you and then hurry them in. (Ashley runs out)

Pete

She's like a ray of sunshine. No, strike that. She's more like a death ray.

Berg

It’s ludicrous because Sharon only loves Pete as a friend.

Ashley

And what’s a better basis for a marriage than love and friendship?

Berg

Sex! Money! An alliance between kingdoms!

Ashley

We were in a restaurant, he got down on one knee and said “Ashley will you marry me?” And I said yes.

Berg

So what, you changed your mind before the wedding?

Ashley

No.

Berg

Um Ashley, if this story doesn’t end tragically I’m going to be very upset.