Sharon Carter quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Bill

Sharon, if you don't like it, quit. Life's a waste unless you're doing what you love.

Sharon

You're right! I mean, I can do anything I want! I mean, I'm smart!

Bill

Absolutely right.

Sharon

Yeah, I'm motivated!

Bill

Yes, you are.

Sharon

I'm a people person!

Bill

I got to go back and count my pepperonis.

Sharon

I am! Aren't I, Berg?

Berg

Shar! You're a lot of things, but 'people person'? It goes the Unibomber and then you.

Sharon

Hey!

Berg

No! (kisses her forehead) That's why we love you!

Sharon

Jeez, you two fight like a couple of broads! Kick his ass, Pete!

Pete

I can't, he's wearing my shirt.

Hey, can I see a menu?

Sharon

It's a pizza place!

Pete

Hey, Berg, what do you think's gonna happen to Sharon?

Berg

I'm sure she'll settle down, have kids--

Sharon

(banging on window) Get your butts back in here!

Berg

(fondly) --take over Cuba!

Berg

(interrupting Sharon yelling at him) Hold that thought, I may have poisoned Pete.

Sharon

Man, that is so unfair! On the one day I could really hate you, Pete steals my thunder!

Berg

Don't be mad at Pete!

Pete

Wait, you're not actually going to listen to him?!

Sharon

Well...

Pete

Wait, this is Berg! The same guy who wanted to put a Bat-Pole between our apartments!

Sharon

Yeah... But now he's a doctor!

Pete

He's not a doctor!

Pete

Sharon, he's ruining my presentation! (Turning to the panel.) He's ruining my presentation!

Yes, we're all aware of that.

Sharon

(grabbing Berg's arm and leading him out.) We'll be going.

Are you sure you don't want to spin plates as a finale?

Sharon

Listen, pal, I've had a really bad day!

Join the club!

Sharon

Hey, you want a piece of me, huh?

Berg

(Makes Star Trek noises into voice recorder and does Captain Kirk impression) Captain's Log, Stardate 644.1: The... Klingons have surrounded us and are attempting to board the Enterprise. Kirk Out. (To panel) Mr. Sulu, take us to Warp Factor 8. Chekov! Nice dress.

Sharon

Berg!

Berg

Klingons! (To Pete) Bones!

Pete

Idiot!

Sharon

Berg, get out here, right now!

Berg

Scotty! Beam. Me. Up. Now! (To room) Wait here! I'll send help.

Pete

Guys' night out.

Sharon

I'm a guy!

Berg

You lost your guy rights when you put on the scarf.

Sharon

I gotta get to work.

Berg

Work? Or is Ted whisking you away to Scarf Warehouse?

Pete

Or House of Scarves.

Berg

Scarf Depot!

Pete

Jiffy Scarves!

Sharon

Thanks a lot! I had a perfectly good boyfriend and you guys had to go turn him into a husband!

Berg

We were being mature!

Sharon

Well, I'm not ready to be mature! I'm not done being friends with you guys yet.

Melissa

Well, today, we learned all about the letter B. We baked bread, we studied butterflies, the student of the day was Billy Bumstead.

Sharon

Oh, well, I learned all about the letter S today. That I'm the self serving sellout, who's giving our environment a super sly drink, all for a sports car and a salary.

Berg

She knows.

Pete

She does?

Berg

Act dumb.

Pete

"We are dumb.

Sharon

Are you guys nuts?

Berg

I'm nuts...this is my partner, pretzels.

Pete

What seems to be the problem, ma'am?

Berg

So what am I supposed to do?

Sharon

Yeah, Pete, I hope you and Melissa really gave some thought to how this is gonna affect Berg.

Berg

No, what am I supposed to do when I see her? Around the neighbourhood or at the pizza place. Do I like... hide behind a mailbox? Do I say 'Hello'? Do I try to trip her?

Pete

You say 'Hi' to her you big dummy. When she comes in to the pizza place you treat her like everybody else.

Sharon

Yeah, you just screw up her order and give her the wrong change.

Sharon

I'm leaning towards Max Larson.

Berg

No way! He lives with his mother and drives a van with no windows.

Sharon

So? He likes his privacy.

Berg

Yes, because he's a serial killer!