Pete quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Sharon

I can't retake freshman English again!

Pete

Um Sharon, that's redundant. You don't need to say 'again' when you say 'retake.'

Berg

She is going to feel so bad...we must never let her forget this.

Pete

(chuckling) We never will.

Berg

She must never find out what happened that day.

Pete

And she never will.

Berg

You see? This woman is shameless -- shameless, wearing sexy dresses and making me special food.

Pete

You're right. You're right. If she tries to make Johnny any more jealous, you might wind up sleeping with her.

Pete

Hey, Ashley, you know what? Your flying monkeys were just in here looking for you.

Ashley

I see they left behind a munchkin.

Pete

All I could think about was how I was gonna get Berg back for giving Ashley a key.

Sharon

Me too.

Pete

What were you gonna do?

Sharon

Leave a message on his machine as an ex-girlfriend. You?

Pete

I was gonna leave a home pregnancy test kit on his dresser.

Sharon

Wow, that's good. You really put a lot of thought into that.

Pete

He's my best friend.

Pete

Ashley, how did you get in here?

Ashley

Well, I figured you'd do something stupid like change the locks, so I left the window open a crack.

Pete

A crack? Oh, wait a minute, I forgot vampires can turn into mist.

Pete

If you're gonna wait, wait over there.

Ashley

Fine.

Pete

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. I'm not pointing to the booth. I'm pointing to Rhode Island.

Sharon

Ashley and I have nothing in common, what are we going to talk about?

Pete

Do you have an interest in witchcraft?

Pete

Oh Ashley I like your perfume.

Ashley

Thanks Pete.

Pete

What is it? Brimstone?

Berg

How could you two do this to someone so wonderful?!

Pete

I know, I feel terrible about Johnny…

Berg

I’m not talking about Johnny I’m talking about me!

Ashley

Guys, guys, Sharon and Johnny are coming.

Berg

Damn! Stall!

Ashley

Brilliant! Because I was just going to warn you and then hurry them in. (Ashley runs out)

Pete

She's like a ray of sunshine. No, strike that. She's more like a death ray.

Pete

She’s in love with Johnny.

Berg

Who says she can’t be in love with you too?

Pete

You!

Berg

Sharon is our best friend, if we find out your cheating on her we’ll kick your ass!

Johnny

You two are going to kick my ass?

Pete

We have friends.

Sharon

Actually, we're engaged 'in theory.'

Pete

Oh, that's great, congratulations. I'd explain it to Collette if I spoke French, and understood what you were talking about.

Sharon

Why is everyone having such a tough time with this? It's very simple; an engagement is a promise to be married. and I am promising to be engaged, which in theory is a promise to be married, hence we are engaged in theory.

Johnny

Good luck finding a card for that.