Berg quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Berg

What is wrong with you?

Sharon

I'm sorry, this is how we play. When one of us is down, ya kick em!

Berg

Ashley, what are you doing here?

Ashley

Well, it’s a women’s gym, so obviously I was in the back having a pillow fight in my panties.

Sharon

What happened to your hand?

Berg

I was so upset about the whole thing with Nicole that I punched a mailbox causing me physical pain and a possible federal crime.

Sharon

That’s the best you could come up with?

Berg

It’s better than ‘I was so upset I wrapped my hand in this bandage.’

Berg

A few years ago, I kinda met Nicole at a party.

Pete

Don’t tell me you slept with her.

Berg

Well, that kinda ruins the end of my story.

Forget it. I’m not going to have it removed.

Berg

Alright so keep ‘Berg’. But how about writing the word ‘ice’ in front of it?

No.

Berg

‘Hinden’?

I’m not touching it.

Berg

‘Whoopi Gold’?

Pete

Oh Berg this is heaven.

Berg

I always knew heaven would have an open bar!

Pete

Do you remember life before the luxury box?

Berg

Only vaguely.

Pete

Wow, these are the blueprints to the original Fenway Park!

Berg

You know in real life it’s much bigger.

Berg

So tell me, how are we going to work through these negative emotions?

Pete

Well I’m going to lunge at you and beat you to death with my sports broadcasting book.

Berg

If he’s so smart, why does it take him four days to fix a jukebox?

Sharon

Cause every night when he goes home I break a different part.

Berg

How was your first shift without me?

Ashley

Oh, it was horrible. People were being professional, Work was being done. No one even had the decency to follow me around with a jar of eyeballs, singing 'I Only Have Eyes For You'.

Johnny

I already have a tux.

Berg

Of course for the jukebox repairman awards.

Ashley

You’re right. I do have feelings for you. There are you happy?

Berg

I’m happy, I’m stunned, I’m shocked, I’m a walking festival.

Ashley

It’s not that simple. The problem is I have a…

Berg

You have a what? A plane to catch? A rash?

Ashley

No Berg, I have a boyfriend.

Berg

I say we chip in and get the night vision goggles.

Sharon

Cause there’s nothing that says commitment and trust like surveillance equipment.