Linda quotes from Two and a Half Men

You have a girlfriend yet?

Jake

No, I'm a bachelor like my Uncle Charlie.

So you're never gonna get married?

Jake

No, as long as I got someone to clean my house and some action on a regular basis, I don't need a wife.

Excuse me?

Jake

I don't want to give anybody half my stuff.

Thank you for a lovely dinner.

Charlie

You're welcome. [they kiss]

Good night.

Charlie

Wait, wait, wait. Are you sure you don't want me to tuck you in?

I don't need to be tucked in, Charlie.

Charlie

Oh, come on, everybody needs a good tucking once in a while.

Well, then, go tuck yourself.

Charlie

I guess I'll have to.

Charlie

I came to apologize. I am sorry about last night.

You're sorry? For ruining one of the most important nights of my career? For embarrassing me within an inch of my life?

Charlie

Ooh, yeah! I mean, unless I did something else.

No, you did quite enough, thank you.

Charlie

Look, I understand why you're mad, but it really wasn't my fault. I was nervous about last night so my mother gave me what I assumed was one of her tranquilizers. But now I'm thinking it was a little something she had left over from Woodstock.