Don quotes from Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race

We're going to Argentina.

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Don

The capital of Argentina, Buenos Aires, is a world-class city, famous for its love of fútbol, theater, and delicious red meat. Once teams land, they'll find the Don box at the airport with their next tip. Mm, not bad.

Jacques

It’s a Botch or Watch! “Ride 'em, Gaucho.”?

Don

For this Botch or Watch the team member who didn’t play ring toss in the Arctic gets to ride a horse. And use a traditional badora to tie up their team’s designated emu. Once their emu is wrapped up, they must bring it by taxi to the Chill Sone located here, a top Mount Aconcagua in the Andes. But hurry, the last team to arrive maybe heading home, Back at the academy, the Best Friends aren’t letting a single nosebleed stop them.

Carrie

Aaah! Ugh!

Devin

I'm sorry.

Carrie

Ow!

MacArthur

Oh, way to hurt your partner!

Carrie

Okay, well they sacrifice themselves for us in Vietnam so we choose the Surfers.

Don

Done! Carrie and Devin good luck with all of that.

All right, the Surfers are awesome. Sorry, let's go.

Don

The Best Friends are gone, but the Surfers return. 4 teams will vie for the million! Who will win? Keep watching the Ridonculous Race.

Carrie

It was a super hard race, but you were my hero the whole time.

Devin

[muffled] I had a great time.

Carrie

I had a blast, too.

Josee

We're going to The Bahamas.

Don

The Bahamas, known for its pirate history, stunning Caribbean beaches, and flourescent pink flamingos. Once teams land in Nassau, they'll find this Don box and their next travel tip.

MacArthur

Ice guys do finish last. BOOM!

Jacques

[enraged] We are so… SICK OF THOSE CADETS!

Sanders

[laughing about Josee's tantrum during the interview] Did you see her face? [she and MacArthur both laugh hysterically]

Don

All four teams are on the same flight. And once it lands, every move they make will be crucial!

Hurry!

Geoff

Come on!

MacArthur

Move it!

Jacques

Josse, can you hear me?

Uh, well her mic deffinately works.

What was that?

Just Josee freaking out.

Don

Three out of the four teams are in the water, but only two of them made it inside the tunnel.

Don

Welcome back to the Bahamas. Our finale 3 teams have received their final travel tips, taken water taxis, and have boarded the same plane for one final flight... to New York City, nature's playground for capitalist wolves and jazz-handed Broadway stars alike. It's home to 8.4 million people, and 16.4 million rats. When teams arrive here at JFK airport, they must find this Don box and collect their next tip.

The five teams have their travel tips, and booked themselves for a flight to New York City.

Geoff

Could we win? I'll see why not.

Brody

We definitely have luck on our side, lucky to get back in the race at all, and make it to the finale?

Geoff

It's an All-In. "Who's Ready to Face the Traffic?"

Don

For this All-In, teams must take on of these Ridonculous taxi cabs and drive themselves all the way here... to the Empire State Building. One they arrive, teams will have to climb a measly 86 flights of stairs to reach... this observation deck, and collect their next tip, attached to these suitcases, moving one step closer to the final chill zone and the million dollar prize.

Sanders

"Fun fact: Last team to arrive is pretty much doomed. Good luck."

Brody

The taxi!

Don

Jacques and Josee… I'm sorry… that it took me so long to say this, you’re cut from the competition! Huh. You're taking this suspiciously well.

Jacques

[scared] Oh, no. JOSEE, STOP! IT'S OVER! We… lost.

Don

[first lines] This is Toronto, the capital of North America, birthplace of funk where the Albino panther roams free.

ROAR!

Don

Beneath my size-13 brogues, 18 teams are arriving at this historic train station ready to embark on a race around the world. I'm your host, Don. And this is The Ridonculous Race!

Don

Not to the death? Okay. Let’s meet the teams that aren’t racing to the death. Carrie and Devin, best friends.

Carrie

I met Devin in the sandbox and we haven't spent a day apart since. If anyone can win this race, it's us.

Devin

Yeah. I know Carrie so well. It's like we're… [noticing his partner's dreamy look] Uh, what are you doing?

Carrie

Oh…uh, link check, for the camera! Whoo-hoo, race!

Don

Emma and Kitty, actual sisters.

I'm studying international law so, that's gonna give us a real edge. Which is good 'cause, we're here to win.

And to see the world. Meet hot guys, and have some fun.

If there's time for that which there won't be so, let's focus on winning, okay? [Kitty sighs] Good.

Don

The totally-in-love daters, Stephanie and Ryan.

Ryan

Stephanie and I met at the gym two months and six days ago, and we've been going steady ever since!

Stephanie

We're so excited! Neither of us has ever traveled before. There's so much to discover like, what do chocolate protein bars taste like in China?

Ryan

I was just wondering that!

Stephanie

No way!

Don

Josee and Jacques, ice dancers.

Jacques

We know how to win. We've won gold everywhere!

Josee

Except…the Olympics. He dropped me so we only got silver.

Jacques

[cries] I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! [runs off]

Josee

Jacques! Silver is his least favorite color.

Don

Geoff and Brody, life-long friends and surfer dudes.

Geoff

[chuckles] Goin' around the world on someone else's dime. Sweet! [to the camera, calling out to Bridgette] Hey, Bridgette! Love ya, babe! [interview] My girl and I did Total Drama, but she's surfing her way around Australia right now. So, boom, entré my bud, Brody!

Brody

Yeah guy! Bros forever! G and B for the W-I-N!

Don

Lorenzo and Chet, new stepbrothers.

My dad married his mom last year, but we still hate each other. So they're making us do this. Jerks!

Don't call my mom a jerk, JERK! [pushes Lorenzo aside]

Shut your word-hole, JERK! [pushes Chet in return but comes back and starts tackling him]

Don

Also racing… Tom and Jen. Highly attractive fashion bloggers with impeccable taste. I told you not to let the teams write their own cards.

Jen

Hey-hey, to all our blog followers out there! Wish us luck!

Tom

I bet "Jen we could win the race", but I didn't think she'd actually take it up on me.

Jen

I put my mind to something and it happens.

Don

Ellody and Mary, scientific geniuses who say they will use their winnings to support the science community.

Ellody

Astrophysics is underfunded. Reality shows offer monetary prizes. Conundrum solved.

Don

Leonard and Tammy, dedicated live-action role players… whatever that is.

Pahkitew Island was tough. But with Tammy's new spells, huzzah! We'll claim the dragon's eye! That's dwarfish for one million.