[Reading some of the questions from the safe driving course]
"You have a blowout on the motorway..." - one for you here, Hammond! (referring to 9.1 where Hammond crashed)
S9 E4February 18th, 2007
[Reading the third (or maybe last) question from the safe driving course]
What's the primary hazard facing drivers when driving at night? Anybody want to hazard a guess at that? No hang on, this is [straining to hear an answer from the audience] go on, what? Dark. Anything else?
GIGuy in the audience
Germans!
[Audience laughs]
Germans.
These are all valid, valid points.
None of these things are on my list, anybody else got any thoughts?
AGAnother guy in the audience
Peasants!
BBoth (laughing)
Peasants.
No. It's, um, glare from other vehicles' headlamps. Cyclists in dark clothing; it's their own fault for not working hard enough, not having a car.
[To Simon Pegg in the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car interview]
Now, can I just move on, 'cause films, you're a bit of a buff I gather.
I am a bit.
Star Wars, in particular.
Yeah absolutely.
Did you not once write a three-and-a-half thousand word essay on why you thought C3PO was gay?
[Simon giving his explanations]
And you could argue that C3PO is a kind of emasculated homosexual. Because he's very camp, but he was safe because he didn't have a willy.
Homosexual men have willies.
He's sexually non-threatening.
Graham Norton's got a willy.
How do you know?
[Jeremy is now at a loss of words, at which point the audience laughs]
[on the Stig]
Some say that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli, and that at this week's Brit awards, he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[on the Brabus-tuned SL65]
Here we are, if you want it, with proof, that absolute power really does corrupt... absolutely.
[after the Reliant shuttle crashed and exploded]
That's why...
How are we going to use it again?
S9 E5February 25th, 2007
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: We try to grow our own petrol; I drive the new Lamborghini, quite badly; And cool-wall muse Kristin Scott Thomas is in our Reasonably-Priced Car!
[on the Stig]
Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears' head... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[the trio debate Clarkson's haircut]
I had mine cut last week and you said having a hair cut on the studio day was "gay".
I said you should spend more than four pounds on a hair cut James, that's what I actually said.
So why didn't you?
...and it has air conditioning, unlike the ones in Lambos of old, isn't like being coughed on. By a mouse. [imitates mouse coughing]
[chasing May with a pitchfork] May! You're gonna die! I'm gonna feed you into your own machine!
[during the second tractor challenge]
Read it and weep! 2 minutes 57!
Jeremy... the slowest wins.
Rubbish!
[on James' small Fiat Panda]
He exploited the diminutive size of my Panda to sit there going [motions leg fondling] "ooh I'm terribly sorry".
There's only 2 knobs in it, well, 3 if you count the one who bought it.
[on Lamborghini Murciélago's options price list after mentioning the 'flappy paddle' gearbox was £6,000] You need a flappy paddle head to spend that
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.