[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: We try to grow our own petrol; I drive the new Lamborghini, quite badly; And cool-wall muse Kristin Scott Thomas is in our Reasonably-Priced Car!
“February 25th, 2007” · Season 9, Episode 5
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (9), Richard Hammond (3), James May (3)
[on the Stig]
Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears' head... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[the trio debate Clarkson's haircut]
I had mine cut last week and you said having a hair cut on the studio day was "gay".
I said you should spend more than four pounds on a hair cut James, that's what I actually said.
So why didn't you?
...and it has air conditioning, unlike the ones in Lambos of old, isn't like being coughed on. By a mouse. [imitates mouse coughing]
[chasing May with a pitchfork] May! You're gonna die! I'm gonna feed you into your own machine!
[during the second tractor challenge]
Read it and weep! 2 minutes 57!
Jeremy... the slowest wins.
Rubbish!
[on James' small Fiat Panda]
He exploited the diminutive size of my Panda to sit there going [motions leg fondling] "ooh I'm terribly sorry".
There's only 2 knobs in it, well, 3 if you count the one who bought it.
[on Lamborghini Murciélago's options price list after mentioning the 'flappy paddle' gearbox was £6,000] You need a flappy paddle head to spend that
[in response to Richard pulling the "Top Gear Production Office"; a prefabricated building with no wheels in the tractor drag race]
Again, good effort. But, to my mind, still lacking... ambition!
[Camera cuts to show Jeremy's tractor, pulling the modified Boeing 747-236B used in Casino Royale while Kasabian's 'The Doberman' plays in the background]
[during the news]
[to May] Hey.. you can tell Kristin Scott Thomas is coming into the studio as a guest today.
How?
[pointing at Jeremy] He's wearing a suit! Look at him.
[unconvincingly] All my jeans are in the wash.
Oh, really. All of a sudden — 92 programs we've done, you've been in jeans. Now today when Kristin's coming in, they're all mucky.
I thought he was going for a job interview.
[trying to continue with the show] This Maserati—
[to Richard] He's had his hair cut as well..
I have had my hair cut, because it was too long.
I had mine cut last week and you said having a hair cut on the studio day was "gay".
I said you should spend more than four pounds on a hair cut James, that's what I actually said.
So why didn't you?
SHUT UP!
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